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WWYD about this gift?

(7 Posts)
LionsnTigersnBears Sat 18-Dec-10 14:36:35

18 months ago, my DP gave me a lovely silver ring in an especially romantic way for my birthday. Its not an engagement ring, just a beautiful gift. I wore it all the time and loved it. I wanted a ring because,even though we're not married and we're not going to be ( I was married before and didn't like it a bit) it felt important to me somehow.

Last year we lost a baby to a missed miscarriage and all through the whole bleeding, waiting for scan, getting scan, long silence from radiographer, getting bad news, waiting for ERPC etc, I was clutching this ring. Now I can't stand the f***ing sight of it and I've left it so long in a drawer its gone tarnished. He's stopped asking me where it is, but I think he's hurt.

How can I deal with this? I think objects don't really mean the same to him as they do to me and I don't think he'd understand.


ChippingIn Sat 18-Dec-10 14:39:32

Why don't you take it and get it cleaned - perhaphs try wearing it for a while and see if you can make new associations with it - or re-attached the emotions you had with it when he bought it and change the emotion you have with it and your MM - to one of 'comfort of having the ring with you' than the sadness that it was comforting you over.

Hope that makes sense & very sorry about your MM

FrostyAndSlippery Sat 18-Dec-10 14:41:30

I think you just need to be honest before possible ill feeling builds up further for both of you. It's been a horrible time and dp loves you. Does he realise WHY you stopped wearing it?

FrostyAndSlippery Sat 18-Dec-10 14:44:11

I think I'd just say "I love the ring and it helped comfort me through the MM but because of this association I just get reminded of that awful experience every time I see it. It's nobodies fault, I just can't get it out of my head." I'm sure he will understand that.

Any chance you can sell it and use the money to get something new? A necklace or something else to symbolise his love for you and a new start?

LionsnTigersnBears Sun 19-Dec-10 11:49:45

Thanks ChippinIn and Frosty. I will get it cleaned, but I couldn't wear it again, it makes me feel quite ill when I look at it. Sounds stupid I know, but there we are, it feels like a bad luck thing to me now. I'm quite silly and superstitious, something DP doesn't share thank heavens.

ChippingIn Sun 19-Dec-10 15:48:07

The it's a little pointless getting it cleaned reaally, you will just have to try to explain to your DP how it makes you feel if you really can't bring yourself to get past this. I guess it's a good job it isn't your engagement/wedding ring.

I really do think it's possible to 'write over' the bad emotions it gives you - maybe in the New Year you can consider it again as it seems to mean a lot to your DP and he gave it to you as a special ring, not just a birthday present.

jollyoldstnickschick Sun 19-Dec-10 15:55:07

I think you are focusing the sadness and devastation of losing your baby upon this solid material thing,thing is that ring was given to you from love,you loved it no doubt you were wearing it when your baby was conceived ...its not an enemy its a part of you that soaks up your 'life',in years to come when there are more dc you will be able to let your future dd try it on and tell her that when you had very happy times that ring was there and when you had very sad times that ring was there and one day she too will wear that ring and recognise it as a symbol of love,not as a charm that stops anything bad hapoening,for life isnt like that.

That ring is a symbol of the love you and your dp share and while its lay tarnished in that drawer thats where your feelings lie - look at the sky in the morning its a new day -it will soon be a new year and yes dresdful things have happened but through it all the love is there.

Clean that ring,straighten your back and work on the future.

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