Awkward wedding(39 Posts)
We have a family wedding abroad next year and I'm worried about arrangements...
It's continental but in a remote spot, so door to door travel will be approx. 8-9 hours. Accomodation is self catering but no amenities are nearby so we've been told we'll need to hire a car. Neither of us are would be confident driving on the other side of the road so nervous of hiring a car. It will be quite hot (c. 30 degrees). Our dd will be 13 months. We are expected to go for a week - the cost will probably be c.£1200.
Basically I'm really unsure about the whole thing but not going is not an option. I think the travel and heat will be too much for dd and I don't fancy having our first trip abroad with her spent cooped up with the in-laws and strangers.
We're considering our options and have indentified a few:
(a) suck it up and go for the week (not my favourite)
(b) leave our dd with my folks but only go for 3/4 days (cost won't reduce much if at all though, unfortunately, accommodation is fixed price)
(c) me stay at home with dd and let DH go on his own for the week (as it's his family).
None of these options look appealing to me.
What would you do?
what about DH going on his own for the 3/4 days?
I think, weith RE the heat, your DD will be fine. Babies are born in hot countries and survive it. There are plenty of ways of keeping cool and the evenings won't be hot.
Money wise, you have a while to save up right?
And with RE the driving, if you are presumably going there with lots of other family members I would just start making arrangements for them to drive and you guys share cars, so share the rental of a car between other family members and stock up on amenities together, without you having to drive.
There is always a way.
would put it more gently but option a)
you will probably find that it doesn't feel too hot, once you have done it driving on the other side of the road is fine, but I totally get why it seems huge at the moment.
Go!! you will probably have a fantastic time!
See it as an adventure, rather than a great inconvenience.
Life is hard, but you have to put the effort in to get anythign out of it.
I'd probably just go and try not to worry about it, you never know you might have a great time.
Go - just think - you'll have lots of family around who will love to see your daughter - at 13 months your dd will be able to cope with the heat and journey - you'll all be able to eat out etc and do all the normal things families do. They are much more child friendly on the continent and absolutely love babies too.
I agree - once you've driven on the other side for about 30 mins your brain is quickly reprogrammed to deal with going the wrong way round roundabouts etc
Why do you think you'll be 'cooped up' with in laws and strangers? Do you not want to go yourself? Are you using your dd as a get out clause so you don't have to go?
Sooz she said 8-9 hours door to door, so I guess that includes getting to airport and from airport and probably check in time???
Does DH want to go?
You don't have to.
An invitation is not a summons.
Travel aside, would you want to spend a week in that place with this group of people?
I woulnd't want to spend a week with my family or DP's family, and anyone getting married in a way that required a week's stay would be congratulated once they got back.
Sooz / Bythepower - sorry yes it's 8-9 hours including airport, transfers etc. Not all flying time!
Being totally honest if it were my family I would move heaven and earth to get there, but only if it was fair on dd. I do sometimes wonder why people take small kids on foreign holidays seeing as the kids haven't a clue where they are so it's not for them IYKWIM?
If it were just me and DH (i.e. pre-dd) I'd have had no problem going and would in fact be looking forward to it. But I suppose I am nervous going now myself as I do sometimes get stressed with dd around DH's family e.g. worrying if they disapprove of how I do things and a week of that is daunting!
Orangepoo - yes I suppose that's an option too but I would imagine if it came to that (I see me not going as the nuclear option) then DH might feel he should go for the full week to make up for the fact that me and dd didn't go.
Trillian - yes DH wants to go. We've known about this for over a year and I was enthusiastic initially but now dd is here I'm a bit wiser to life with a small child and do wonder if it's worth the hassle.
Also to answer your 2nd question, generally I get on with the family but it's not my idea of a holiday. In-laws can be hard work like anyone's family and I'm sure if it were my family DH would feel the same.
I hear what others are saying though re: just relax and get on with it...
you're overthinking this? this is a week in the sunshine with family who will (I guess?) act as in built babysitetrs should you and dh want to go otu alone some nights.
sounds great to me!
driving on the other side is not that bad - if you're that worried, can't you share a larger car with other rellies or get a taxi?
and to be honest, self catering is easier and more relaxed with very small children - as long as you get the combination of beds/rooms that you would like?
You never know, it could be fun. At 13 months, your dd really won't care where she is, as long as she has something to amuse her. It won't be unfair on her particularly, although she won't get much out of it either! Don't worry about the heat - she can live in a vest for a week.
You won't be with family 24/7 - as you have a hire car, take a couple of trips to nearby towns/attractions and have a bit of family time.
Are there any other people with small kids going too?
if you are really not keen on spending too much time being overlooked by them I think it is even more important that you hire a car yourselves and have the opportunity to go out on your own with your DD.
Not knowing where you are going - just guessing, there may be a town or village market that you want to go to, or a restaurant locally that you want to drive to for lunch with your DD.
They will understand you wanting some family time. Just don't be afraid to make it happen.
planning ahead, look up some things you want to do and let them know that you you want a day to do X Y or Z just the 3 of you, preparation is key!
It's a lot of money. Frankly, I wouldn't go. Spend the money on a holiday you'd enjoy. I see absolutely no reason why family should be 'built-in babysitters', and I just think it's not worth the hassle.
I would go, 13 month olds are big boistrous things not teeny little fragile babies. I don't think 30 degrees would bother my DS all that much so long as we were safe with the sun
to me the option I absolutely would not do is going without DS, If he ended up in hospital I'd want to be able to get to him so would rather not be more than a drive away from him, having had to get abroad for emergencies in the past its not always a case of rocking up to the airport and getting a seat on a flight straight away! DH feels the same so we'd either all go or none of us go.
Life doesn't stop when you have a baby, you just need to adapt!
You said you'd have gone pre-baby, I'd still go now. We went to Australia with our six-month old. It was hot, we did lots of travelling, we and she loved it! No, she obviously doesn't remember it, but DH and I do - it was great. But then, she wasn't going to remember any holiday we took her on at that age.
I think you should just go for it.
Sooz - all three! Trying to be honest here! Though really no.1 and no.2 would be moot if no.3 wasn't an issue.
We are looking at the moment into options for staying somewhere else (may not work though as nothing is nearby so will be "offsite" as such).
Bythepower - good thinking on trips, we need to do some planning obviously if we're going to do this.
Newtotheplanet, thanks for your post, it gives me food for thought. Good point on leaving early also!
To those who asked about car sharing, the other rellies going have kids too, would need to share hire of a bus to fit them all into one vehicle! So have to hire / drive on our own (transfer from airport is long btw, hence nervousness re: driving it ourselves).
Thanks for all the responses though, majority opinion seems to be that dd will manage (even all the travelling? or will she scream her head off but forget all about it in which case just grin and bear it?) so if that's the case I'll put aside my own issues.
How can not going to something that costs £1200 not be an option?
RockinRobin - I know. It's crazy. The wedding was organised in a pre-recession frame of mind, I think.
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