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perspective from all you married ladies single ladies and men?

(12 Posts)
tomhardyismydh Thu 02-Dec-10 22:09:09

I have this friend from many years ago , we worked together when we where early 20's nothing has ever been sexual between us, I think we have snogged once all those years but thats it.

He moved up north married and has children. we have been in touch again through FB and through a friend of a friend of his brother we exchanged numbers before FB but only ever a few txts just friendly catch up.

he has moved about 40 min car drive from me and was visiting family over weekend in my area as it was his dds birthday.

I nvited him, his wife and children for a bite to eat late afternoon but he turned up alone much later than arranged with a bottle of wine.

Was nice to catch up but I kept thinking This seemed strange. I am single aswell and just thought it wasnt on for him to not bring his wife and his wife thought he was in the pub with a friend but he didnt turn up so he came to mine.

It just didnt sit right to be sharing a bottle of wine in my longe with a married man whos wife didnt know where he was.

He keeps attempting to arrange to meet up and I always say let me know when you are in town and we can get together with kids and would be so nice to meet wife etc. But he always just drops on me fancy meeting up for a beer. I dont go out much and dont have many babysitters so just reply this and pop round with family any time and he never does.

i was chatting to him on FB tonight and he was a bit flirty so I just cut short messaging.

Im anoyed that he would trat me like this and also a bit miffed. is he looking for an affair or just old buddies etc. I dont know if I shopuld tell him or ignore him from now on.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 02-Dec-10 22:11:23

He is hoping to start an affair with you, definitely. Steer well clear.

Rudolphsnose Thu 02-Dec-10 22:15:36

Agree with alibaba, he's after an affair, if he wanted to just catch up with an old mate his wife would know where he was. I would kick DH out if I ever found out he did this.

tomhardyismydh Thu 02-Dec-10 22:20:30

thanks, I did think so but didnt want to be reading the signals wrong. Im so anoyed about this what an arse.

so should i front him about this or just ignore it?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 02-Dec-10 22:24:50

I would call him. Say that you mistrust his motives when he is keeping his contact with you a secret from his wife and that you aren't interested in anything sordid.

Do not engage in any dialogue about him just wanting to be friends. I expect the script would run 'oh she wouldn't understand and would be angry so just don't tell her', moving swiftly onto 'she doesn't understand me', and then 'I feel so relaxed with you'.

The arse.

Tbh I would be inclined to tell his wife, poor woman probably has no clue.

I would throw DH out if he did anything like this.

Rudolphsnose Thu 02-Dec-10 22:27:17

I would just ignore him. If you confront him it will do no good, he will deny it and you might end up getting sucked in if he's convincing enough.

StuffingGoldBrass Thu 02-Dec-10 22:30:52

Just ignore him. Don't elect yourself as Monogamy Police and start meddling - his marriage is his problem and you are best off staying out of it, just be busy when he calls, or if he turns up on the doorstep cock in hand again, say you are just going out or have explosive diarrhoea or something.

tomhardyismydh Fri 03-Dec-10 13:09:39

thanks for advice I would rather try and ignore him for now and then maybe next time just ask why he avoids me meeting his wife and take it from there.

I posted here as I didnt want to just be reading it wrong and look foolish if I where to bring it up with him.

HerBeatitude Fri 03-Dec-10 13:31:01

LOL Alibaba at your prediction of how the bloke will progress through the usual cliches.

And lol at explosive poo. That would surprise him... grin

God what a bastard. I wonder if he's done this before, this isn't "accidentally" getting pulled into an affair is it, it's deliberately seeking out one.

I'd tell him that you can't be a friend of his you're a friend of his marrige as well and you don't feel you can do that if he is spending time with you without telling his wife. If he's not happy with his marriage, he should deal with that himself, not distract himself with you.

tomhardyismydh Fri 03-Dec-10 15:31:30

herbeautitude. I'd tell him that you can't be a friend of his you're a friend of his marrige as well. I like this statement I may have to use it.

The more I think about this the more I just think he is a twunt and want to tell him he is out of order. But I will just ignore him for now.

StuffingGoldBrass Fri 03-Dec-10 17:26:34

Of course, his wife might be an absolute cunt who bullies him, hence his affair-hunting. Or they may have an agreed open relationship.
But still, it's not your problem. And certainly not worth the aggravation of giving him a lecture on the sacredness of marriage and monogamy. Just let the friendship drift away again.

BTW: are you a bit bored with singledom? Maybe you could do with a date or two with a man who is not supposedly in a monogamous relationship with someone else.

tomhardyismydh Fri 03-Dec-10 23:42:26

nah happy being single have been dating!! not too into it at the moment happy being single, thats why I think I was annoyed at his flirting.

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