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A friend of DD constantly crying in school

(12 Posts)
welshandproud Mon 22-Nov-10 10:12:21

Child in question is in Year 7, my DD didn't go to primary school with her but she had, up until last week, included her in her quite exclusive list of 4 friends to go skating and out for a meal in Dec for her (DD's) 12th birthday.However, DD told me last night that she had decided not to invite this new friend as she was really getting on everyone's nerves at the moment by bursting in to tears and not wanting to talk about it. This really upset me on a number of levels.

Obviously i'm very disappointed with DD that she is following the crowd on this one and cant see how important it is that this new friend has people around her right now who care about her.I talked at great length to her last night about how sad she must be to keep crying especially in front of people/teachers at school and even touched on some of the horrible things that might be happening in her life right now. DD to her credit became quite upset about it all. She had presumed that the gossip mongers who had said the crying was just attention seeking behaviour must have been right.She then remembered an incident a couple of weeks ago when the new friend had felt unwell in school but did not want the school to call her parents as she did not want to go home.Not sure if this was said to friends or staff.

Now this has started alarm bells ringing with me. I'm unsure how to proceed as i dont know if the school is aware of the situation. This poor child has cried in lesson time but again has refused to discuss it with teachers. It is a very Large secondary school. Could this child be slipping through the net of pastoral care? or would i just be interferring to contact the school?
Thanks for getting this far.

TheProvincialLady Mon 22-Nov-10 10:17:10

I don't think you would be intefering to contact the school. You have grounds for concern and it would be easier for you to approach them about it than for your daughter. It might turn out to be hormones, bullying, something nasty going on at home or anything...but the school ought to be doing something (in fairness, they might already be investigating but it won't do any harm to tell them again).

welshandproud Mon 22-Nov-10 10:34:52

I didn't mean to imply that the school wasn't already acting on this already. they might well be. But if i was to contact them who should i speak to? would it be head of year? Her form tutor, or head of lower school?

welshandproud Mon 22-Nov-10 10:45:24


Hullygully Mon 22-Nov-10 10:47:00

I would start with the form tutor, and then progress up if necessary. The poor girl.

gorionine Mon 22-Nov-10 10:49:49

They might already be invastigating but then they might not if everyone thinks that someone else will let the school know. I think you should folow your instincts on this one and call trhe school. I would ask to speak to the form tutor (do not know why though, but it is the first person I would think of).

welshandproud Mon 22-Nov-10 14:46:48

My DD is not in her form so i'll need to find out the form she's in.I do feel a bit awkward doing in it and possibly overly fussy but on the other hand as gorionine points out if nobody says anything then maybe she will go unnoticed.

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny Mon 22-Nov-10 14:57:58

I would say contact the girls form tutor as well if you can.

It might be nothing and no harm will be done but I think in cases like this then if a child needs support then the slightest bit of help can open the door for them.

bumperella Mon 22-Nov-10 18:32:10

I would definitely contact the school and discuss. If they are aware of the problem, it will be easy and quick for them to reassure you that they are aware of the issue, without them having to go into any details. If they don't know about it, then at least she may get some help.

FreudianSlimmery Mon 22-Nov-10 18:36:43

I'd definitely tell someone like head of year, it may well be nothing major but telling them won't do any harm (if they suspect abuse the school should know to avoid alerting the girls parents)

welshandproud Tue 23-Nov-10 13:04:28

To update you all, I've just spoken to the head of pastoral care for Y7 and basically passed on the information I had been given. The tutor was very appreciative of my call and also reassured me that this girl was already being supported and that the school was in close communication with her parents. I'm really glad I made the call. Thanks for all your support. Good to know that she hadn't slipped through the net and that the school are so vigilent.

FreudianSlimmery Tue 23-Nov-10 15:17:38

Good to hear

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