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Looking for non-rewards/punishments parenting book - which one?

(20 Posts)
ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 08:32:27

I'm looking for a parenting book that gives alternatives to rewards/punishments.

I'm struggling to decide between these three books. They look similar and all get good reviews on amazon, but there's a limit to how many parenting books I want on my shelf. Can anyone recommend one over the others? Thanks

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Koln

Playful Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen

Raising our children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort

ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 09:21:36

Actually, having finally read through this thread I think I've discounted Unconditional Parenting thanks to moondog. smile

Has anyone read either of the other two?

ruddynorah Thu 14-Aug-08 09:26:03

i have UP and raising our children. i like both. i've never heard of the middle one. must say though they are both more sociological than routine or method based iyswim.

ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 09:36:20

Thanks. Perhaps the Playful parenting one will be too much like hard work. I've always found that humour is a great way to connect with the children but its impossible to be in the right mood and have the energy all the time! So it looks like Naomi Aldort wins the day.

I don't mind it not being method-based. I'll read the book, but in practise I'll probably continue shouting, threatening and feeling guilty!

nellyup Thu 14-Aug-08 09:52:20

I found Playful Parenting good. I find putting it into practice very hard work sometimes but the things he says really do work with my rather challenging and very physical 4 year old boy.

ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 10:20:29

Thats interesting nellyup. Now I'm torn again. I'm going to the library this morning, so I'll present them with my list.

cthea Thu 14-Aug-08 10:31:06

I love UP. For practical tips, though, best by far is How to Talk so kids will listen...

nellyup Thu 14-Aug-08 12:25:40

Oh yes, How to Talk is my little helpmate, complete with post-its in the summary pages for quick reference when desparate! But it didn't cover the 'wrestling' which has been the saviour of my school holidays so far...

ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 12:48:34

I have How to Talk and really like it, as well as Sibling Rivalry.

Wrestling? Tell me more... I have 3 boys btw

blueshoes Thu 14-Aug-08 12:54:02

I like Playful Parenting, especially for fathers.

Also recommend the How to Talk ... book.

Unconditional Parenting is worth a read, but it is less prescriptive about how you actually practise it.

ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 12:59:40

"especially for fathers"? How on earth do you get men to read a parenting book? I even tried giving "How to Talk" to my DH when he was in hospital (and no other reading material) and he still didn't even open the cover.

Othersideofthechannel Thu 14-Aug-08 13:04:55

Withold sex?

blueshoes Thu 14-Aug-08 13:08:49

Nah, my dh won't read a parenting book. I don't even bother to try.

Playful parenting sits more naturally with a father's parenting style (roughhousing etc), but that does not mean mothers cannot learn a lot from it.

Yes, it might work even better with your sons. Less talk more action.

ketchupkisses Thu 14-Aug-08 13:11:19

.....but we didn't have any sex whilst he was in hospital

nellyup Thu 14-Aug-08 13:28:36

The wrestling? Basically you allow them to have very physical but non-violent play (there's a sock game too for less physical types where you try and get each others' socks off). I kneel on the floor and my son tries to push me over - rules are no hitting, no pulling and if someone says 'ow' you stop. It works really well when he gets in a state and starts lashing out at his sister (or me!), I take him off to one side and say 'want to play?'. Yes, I've done it in public and felt a proper noodle but it works for us - he seems to get his aggression out safely and gets the equivalent of a cuddle (which he would never accept in itself but needs badly when he's like that) from me.

And my dh would never read a parenting book either!

VictorianSqualor Thu 14-Aug-08 13:31:52

I have How to Talk, love it.
DP isn't too hot on reading parenting books, he said he would but it's ended up that I have summarised it and posted it inside the kitchen cupboard.
oh, and say almost constantly 'natural consequences'.

Umlellala Thu 14-Aug-08 14:17:54

How to get fathers to read parenting books? Leave it in the toilet. Seriously.

I left Miriam Stoppard's guide on the bathroom floor when pregnant and dh would come downstairs saying, did you know that you can suck lollipops to combat nausea...

Umlellala Thu 14-Aug-08 14:18:20

PS How to Talk... is brilliant

squiffy Fri 15-Aug-08 11:45:38

I love the U.P and we live by the spirit of it in our house.

Another slightly off-base suggestion is "Nature's Playground" - not a 'how-to-parent' book at all but loads of fab suggestions for getting your children to enjoy the outdoors - and beautiful pictures.

ketchupkisses Fri 15-Aug-08 19:29:25

I have "Nature's Playground". Yes, I love it just for the photos!

Sounds like we're all on the same wavelength, and with no negative reviews perhaps I am destined to buy all the books!

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