we have a problem in our book club

[hermykne]

to kinda sum up, one member is not as literary as the rest of us, i am trying to explain this without sounding snobby but certain words are needed to explain this proble,

she always arrives late and so misses the "book" review.
she has read maybe 2/3 books out of the 16/18 we have done. she hasnt even read the awful ones she picks.

she is very confrontational, when points are raised or opinions about the "book" or general chit chat.

its really annoying, it changes the whole ambiance to the evening, last one 3 of us went home furious with her.

i would say she is naive and this doesnt help and shes protecting her ability to be considered a book reader by being so defensive.

anyway one member W sent a txt to another (Z) asking if the problem re her (U) attendance had been solved - text to all nxt event is on X and one must have read the book to attend-

receiver of txt (Z) replied and sent it to our problem member instead (U), stating yes and maybe she'll read the book.

so Z and U had a talk and she was defensive as usual

what to do
we are having a summer recess as some of the other memebrs just cant listen to her silliness for much longer, and these are older members, she is our youngest.
so

[morningpaper]

WHAT? ARE YOU ONE OF THE WITCHES AT THE SCHOOL GATE?

I don't see the problem, she obviously gets something out of being there, just ignore her silly comments and smile and nod and move onto the next person

[Carmenere]

Well I can see why it might be annoying but you do come accross as being quite bitchy. If you don't want her to come anymore you could always just tell her and tell her why. But I suspect you know that that would be just nasty which is why there is a problem in the first place.
I would just ignore her and keep out of it iiwy.

[wotulookinat]

Oh dear. I think you need to cut her some slack. As MO says, she must get something from the club to keep going, so let her be. I presume there was no entrance exam to get into the club so all are surely welcome. You have come across as snobby, I'm afraid.

[wotulookinat]

MO? I meant MP!

[LIZS]

Someone must have invited her to join. Your opening comment suggest you are snooty towards her and her behaviour so no ownder she is defensive. Did Z send her the text deliberatley to wind her up, and even if she didn't it was a snide thing to say.

Maybe she has other commitments, is dyslexic or finds it hard to read the books but just enjoys a regular night out anyway. Maybe she would read the book after a discussion, as you might if you saw a film first, and I can't see how she can be seen as confrontational in a book discussion where she hasn't read it. You lot sound rather unaccommodating.

[hermykne]

Are you all members of books clubs?

Do you read the book chosen?
If not why not?

Do you arrive continually late thus avoiding the book review session/discussion

MP this is a club of 7 girls and 6 of those 7 have had enough. Is that not fair enough to say? I am not a witch at the school gate.

I am not being snobby by saying the majority and i am not the front runner in this annoyance in our club, there are 3 others whho are fed up with her in the club. Its felt that she gets nothing from it. she does not read the books and nearly every session we have after shes had a few glasses of wine how bad her marriage is , how hard work her kids are, how X her sister is, its post mortem of her life every 5 weeks and thats not the purpose of our book club. maybe yours (collectively) are.
we have out girls nights out ofr that stuff.
her life tends to take over . one member is so sick of her and she has her as a neighbour as well and this member asked for a suspenions til the autumn for her sanity.

so i was trying to be plain and honest here obvioulsy mumsnet withces still lurk....

LIZS she aint dyslexic, she had a weeks in the sun prior to our last meeting and didnt read the book she chose for the club saying she needed a break?!!

Its 2 years old this club. We have been quite accomodating.

[hermykne]

i thought you insightful gals might come up with tactful ideas about how to keep the club interesting and book orientated and encouraging to those who might it challenging...

[LIZS]

I used to belong to a book group - people dipped in and out as and when , didn't always get around to reading the book but came anyway, weren't always on time, often the book discussion was brief and then we nattered but we managed somehow. How about a film night related to one of the books you've discussed (but perhaps that would n't that be deemed erudite enough) or themed food to accompany a choice.

tbh she sounds lonely but if the majority really don't enjoy her company at these events maybe you should be direct about it and ask her not to come any more, rather than behaving so underhandedley.

[morningpaper]

she is obviously miserable and has a crap life and wants to get out of the house and have some friends

Do you have a structured session? With questions and stuff? How does she respond? What about an intense 30-minute book-only rule??

[stroppyknickers]

As your OP is full of grammatical and spelling errors, I suspect you are not quite as 'literary' as you believe . Cut her some slack fgs and just keep the subject on the book.

[morningpaper]

perhaps you could have a Chair each time, and make sure that the Chair keeps a very firm reign on proceedings

[wheelybug]

Perhaps she should come to ours - only ever about half the club turn up at any one time, of those at least 1 or 2 haven't finished the book. We then spend about 2 hours catching up and then 15 mins on the book. We all love it .

However, I guess if everyone is more serious about it, then I can imagine it must be a PITA. Hmmm.. who was it whose village had 3 book clubs of different literary-ness and you had to be invited to join a partciular one - thats the way to sort it out !

[Saturn74]

It's always unfortunate when a group has a problem with an individual.
That individual always senses it, and it is therefore unsurprising that this woman is defensive.

I would be defensive if I accidentally got a text that proved grown women had been commenting about me behind my back.
"yes, and maybe she'll read the book" sounds very smug.

I'm not sure why a book club can't just be a relaxed affair - it's supposed to be enjoyable, surely?

I think you all need to be grown up about this - if you don't want this woman there, tell her.

However, the fact that she stills turns up even though she clearly senses that other members have an issue with her, indicates that the group is quite important to her.

IMO, it's nothing to do with her not being as "literary" as the rest of you (whatever that means!), you just don't like her very much.

If you do want to help her integrate more comfortably in the group though, you could choose a novel that is also available as an audiobook. Perhaps she may have time to listen to it on an MP3, whereas she may not have the time to sit down and read the entire book.

Or offer to meet up with her to read a couple of chapters out loud over coffee.

[Oblomov]

I don't think I would like to be part of your Book club.
Your group sounds really bitchy.
Would you like to read my dissertation on 'War and Peace' and then have a good bitch about it.
Oh no, sorry , you wouldn't do it to my face would you. You would do it behind my back.
Why don't you do her and yourselves a favour and tell her directly that maybe it is best she doesn't come anymore.

[warthog]

well she knows you're talking about her behind her back now.

just tell her the problem - you want her to read the books and pitch up on time. if the group is that important to her, she'll start doing it and things will improve, or she'll stop going.

[sophiewd]

Our book club is like Wheelybugs, we meet in the pub, most have rad the book, we order something to eat catch up on news, talk about that book and others, decide what we are going to read next, its fun and relaxed.

[GustWriter]

You can't boot someone out of your bookclub that would be just too cruel and rude.

You just have to tolerate her and find ways around it.

Christ. The whole point of a book club is that its a CLUB, not a PHD course.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

I understand hermy's p.o.v. I think it's quite clear they don't like the woman for the book club, or maybe not at all. I think the question was how to say it to her indirectly. For that, I have no idea.

[GreenElizabeth]

Give her a break. Pick an Anne Tyler book, say Back when we were grown ups or An Amateur marriage or Breathing lessons or Ladder of Dreams.

Any of those books would be SO easy to read, but not too 'fluffy' for you intellectuals

You may enjoy reading a book like that. If you've read alll of those, what about an Alice HOffman, Barbara Trapido??

Book club is all about getting away from your children and having a glass of wine!

Make her feel good about herself, not shit!!

[nogginthenog]

Well, this happened in our book group. We started 5 years ago, and then a girl who is a friend to some members of the group asked if she could join us 6 months ago. We were all unsure about someone new coming into a long-standing group but we all agreed that the kind thing to do was to say yes. It was a disaster!! She didn't read ANY of the books, so couldn't contribute anything to the "book" part of the evening, which doesn't last long so in the end we took the bull by the horns and asked her if she really wanted to be part of the group, as she didn't seem to actually like reading! Turns out that she wasn't enjoying the book discussion part of the evening, and hadn't realised that you actually have to attempt to read the book..... Anyway, she had been too scared to tell us that she didn't want to come along any more, having badgered us to join. Maybe you could gently suggest to your friend that she may prefer to come along to the socials rather than coming every month and feeling "left out" of the discussion?

[MsBombastic]

Maybe you should, at the next meeting, have a 'review' of how the group is going/working.

This could be along the lines of 'we've been meeting for two years now and thought it would be useful to talk about the structure, how formal it is, if the book genres are appealing to everyone, if the gaps between books are long enough etc.'

You would have to be careful not to gang up on your troublesome member, but it might throw some light on what her issues are. You might also discover others who think certain changes might make it more inclusive/interesting.

In my group we take it in turns to present 4/5 books for a group decision on the next one to be read. At another group I know they go through the genres, and this month they are doing Chick Lit and have previously done a Jilly Cooper, just for fun and because some had never read one.!

It may be that your friend - is she that, I'm not entirely sure? - would find it suited her better if she came to every other meeting, or those where the book appealed to her.

If she isn't as widely read as some of you then her 'virgin' approach to some of the classics might, in fact, be a rewarding contribution to the book discussion (whereas at the moment maybe she is simply too intimidated to make herself a part of it all).

Just some thoughts - but I have to admit I get irritated by those who don't take my group as seriously as I do, but I tend to just joke about it openly, then get some stick for being so ridiculous...and we move on without anything festering.

Good luck.

[Oblomov]

MsBombastic makes a very very good suggestion.

[zippitippitoes]

i would love to go to a bookclub you are all lucky to have them

i tried to find one here and iether they are very private or dont exist

i did used to be in one about 10 years ago to do with the natioan l housewives register but that doesnt exist now

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

If this woman has read only 2 or 3 out of 16-18, I think it's unlikely she'll read something else but just hasn't found her genre yet. Perhaps she doesn't even open them, I don't know how you wouldn't be drawn in and persevere otherwise (with exceptions etc). So what's to say she'd read something else.

Also, it doesn't sound like she's intimidated by the other members (by the fact she can monopolise discussion when it's about her private life), just not really interested in books.

[squeaver]

MsB's suggestions are spot on.

Or just agree together that the group should be wound up. leave it a few months then start again but without her..! Although that runs the obvious risk that she'll find out.