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Books whose subject/theme is recovery after bad relationships . .

(18 Posts)
viridus Sun 23-Aug-15 13:50:54

Already read the latest Lundy Bancroft - "Daily Wisdom", Henry Cloud and John Townsend "Boundaries When to say Yes, How to Say No", Slim Fatty "How to let go of past hurts", (this one is free on kindle).

Also any modern fiction with this subject in, or autobiography.

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DuchessofMalfi Sun 23-Aug-15 15:02:26

Any type of relationship? Father son - try Not My Father's Son by Alan Cumming. An outstanding and brave autobiography which I loved.

Wearyheadedlady Sun 23-Aug-15 15:11:16

Kathryn Flett wrote a searing account of her breakup with her husband in the late 90s. I don't know if the subject matter is relevant to your situation, but thought it worth a mention.

When she was writing her weekly Observer articles about the revelation of the break up I was literally going through exactly the same situation myself. It was eye-opening and utterly cathartic.

viridus Sun 23-Aug-15 16:49:03

DuchessofMalfi - Looking more for partner men women breakups, but Alan Cumming's book seems an unput down able one, thank you.

Wearyheadedlady - Looks great book, got a sample on my kindle now. That was good timing and must have helped you. Thank you.

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KurriKurri Sun 23-Aug-15 19:05:51

I totally second Alan Cumming's book - it is wonderful, - I read it after the breakdown of my very long marriage and it has much in it that resonated with me even though it is about his relationship with his father, it is also about recovery and moving on after abusive treatment. And how not to torture yourself with hoping your X will show any remorse !

Another book I found very useful in my situation was Runaway Husbands, the abandoned wives guide to recovery and renewal, by Vicki Stark. It fitted my circumstances perfectly, but even if your break up was of a different kind to the fairly specific type she talks about, there is lots of wisdom there about how to move on and recover, and stories from other women about how they coped. It helped me see my reactions were totally normal and shared by many others - which was comforting to me.

Wearyheadedlady Sun 23-Aug-15 21:26:07

I'm glad you found it viridus. I should add that Kathryn Flett does sometimes sound deeply bitter about the experience (don't blame her) but can be pretty funny about it too.

I love Alan Cumming too much to read his book. I know that sounds mad, but I think it would just be too devastating to learn what he went through. I think he's a genius. I saw him on stage in the West End years ago before he started making films / TV and he just lit the theatre up like a beacon of hilarious hope.

applecatchers36 Sun 23-Aug-15 21:39:14

Slipstream by Elizabeth Jane Howard nonfiction, another autobiography, but what a resilient woman came through 3 marriages including a famous marriage to Kingsley Amis....

viridus Sun 23-Aug-15 21:49:59

Wearyheadedlady. My escape from Mr Wrong was very stressful and I became unwell luckily (similar to you in finding reading topic at the time), Sue Townsend's book "The Woman who went to bed for a year", was in the supermarket . It helped me a lot. Ironic too, as I was spending a lot of time in bed. Often a good book is better than the best medicine.

I see what you mean about not reading Alan Cumming, moments like that are never forgotten.

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Wearyheadedlady Mon 24-Aug-15 00:42:07

Whatever gets you through, Virus. Good luck with the next chapter (no pun intended) of your life. Make the most of it.

Wearyheadedlady Mon 24-Aug-15 00:42:32

oh no I called you virus. Sorry, auto correct. Viridus!

DuchessofMalfi Mon 24-Aug-15 06:40:28

It's hard to explain why but I found Alan Cumming's book more positive than depressing. It's not a misery memoir, more an "I survived and look I'm no victim". He and his brother pulled through and they had a wonderful supportive mum. I shed a tears of joy for them smile

KurriKurri Mon 24-Aug-15 08:40:38

I agree with Duchess - although awful things happened to him, Alan Cumming's book is full of the joy he has determinedly found in life - he comes across as a very loving, joyous and of course very funny person.Its not a misery memoir by any means, but he has some very profound things to say about how you move past being with someone abusive, and hang on to your own identity. I found it incredibly helpful.

I hope you are doing Ok Viridus, it takes time but you will get there in the end flowers

CoteDAzur Tue 25-Aug-15 14:29:52

I'm not much of a "women's fiction" reader so drawing on a limited reserve here, but Eat Pray Love would fit your description.

viridus Tue 25-Aug-15 17:51:17

Duchess of Malfi - it's fabulous how people can survive trauma, when I read literature like this it gives me hope that we can get through. It's adaptability isn't it.

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viridus Tue 25-Aug-15 17:56:06

Wearyheadedlady - From the sample, I like her sense of humour. There is no copy in my local library, but can order one. I tend to not buy as the house could be filled with books. Yes, onto the next chapter, lol!

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viridus Tue 25-Aug-15 18:00:15

KurriKurri - Thankyou doing ok now, time is good for healing, and changing too.

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viridus Tue 25-Aug-15 18:06:42

CoteDAzur - It is strange what kind of books I get into, like food I have gone off some things and into others. "Eat Pray Love", looks interesting, thank you.

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viridus Tue 25-Aug-15 18:10:33

apple catchers - I like resilience, how can anyone survive 3 marriages! Thank you, will look that up.

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