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Has anyone read all three Fifty Shades novels? (Warning: OP contains much graphic eye-rolling)

(17 Posts)
MirandaGoshawk Mon 24-Nov-14 14:21:59

I mean, somebody must have hmm I've finally caught up with the rest of the world and read the first one. But I can't face more quirking (of his lips) or smirking (ditto), or peeking (of her, at him) or punishment for eye-rolling hmm hmm. So tell me what happens, please! you can spare me the intimate details IYKWIM thanks

The first one ends with Ana splitting up with the creep, but presumably they get back together or else the other two books would be very short. I need to know:
Does she ever meet Elena?
What's the thing about the marks on his chest?
Does it all end up happily ever after? Love, adorable grey-eyed dch, homes in Seattle, Georgia & Portland and a fleet of helicopters and airliners?

Oh, and hmm

piggychops Mon 24-Nov-14 14:25:00

Read the first book. Load of tosh. Don't think I will ever use the phrase "Oh my!" after reading it. It was used so many times I started looking for it on every page.

momb Mon 24-Nov-14 14:44:09

I have read them. ...and reread them...and I really don't know why. I'm usually a classic novel/literary fiction type of person but for some reason I haven't deleted these from my kindle.
They are terribly written (obviously came out of twilight fanfiction and the characters are essentially similar to those).
Spoilers: He 'finds his release' a lot.

second and third books: she goes back to him after about 3 days. He has an epiphany while they are apart and decides that he would rather give up his S+M lifestyle than ever losing her again. They embark on a painfully trite (and mercifully quick)sexual journey together where everything is overanalysed ('I'm not enough for you' 'you are all I need'etc). He secretly buys the company she works for. Her boss tries to attack her in the office and after incapacitating him she runs outside and faints in Christian's arms at which point his bouncer beats up the boss and he gets sacked. Christian disappears for 12 hours after his helicopter mysteriously catches fire. She agrees to marry him, he buys a mansion and about a month later they head off on honeymoon. Meanwhile someone tries to torch his office down. On return from honeymoon she discovers she's pregnant and he flips out and disappears. Meanwhile it turns out her ex-boss had lots of info about his family on his computer and Christina has had security detailed on the whole family who were aware of the danger except of course Ana whom he tells nothing. Ex boss kidnaps Christian's sister and contacts Ana for money. She leads C to believe that she is leaving him so he gives her money to go to rendezvous, shoots bad guy. Doesn't lose baby. She and Christian are reunited. Turns out that evil ex-boss was in foster home with Christian as a child and insanely jealous: had tried to sabotage helicopter and burn down office.
Cut to 2 years later: they are living in mansion with 2 year old toddler, another on the way, still lots of kinky sex but still no beatings. Her best friend/flatmate Kate has married his brother Elliott and has a baby. True love has conquered all. The end.
Along the way she did meet Mrs Robinson: the truth came out about their relationship and his mother slaps Mrs R and they never speak again. Also another ex of his turns up at one point, horrifically damaged by losing him and a subsequent lover, with a gun, breaks into apartment. Ana deals with her also and Christian has her committed.

GooodMythicalMorning Mon 24-Nov-14 14:49:00

They get better as they go along. They aren't the best though. The first is laughable the last is ok.

momb Mon 24-Nov-14 14:50:29

sorry I ignored your questions: marks on chest were burn marks from abusive boyf of druggie mum. Hence the no touching. They get past this and her love heals him.
Starvation as child basis of his 'you must eat up' issues and his philanthropic works to feed the poor. They get past this and her love heals him.
Need to beat up/dominate petite brunettes based on the fact that his birth mum looked like that and although he loved her he hated her too. Ana tells him he loved his Mum because he was a child and it was inevitable. They get past this and her love heals him.
Basically 25 years of a good stable life and thousands of hours of therapy counted for nought: Ana's love healed him.

Noellefielding Mon 24-Nov-14 15:03:29

momb I thought you'd made all that plot up LOL!

I only read book one. It rolled along a bit. I admire the book's humungous success. But the puddle like shallowness of everything in the book is sort of depressing. It is like a bit like masturbation, functional to release and then sort of unmeaningful. These characters don't feel like real people to me at all.
But that's ok, it obviously works for the readers and is reaching parts other media haven't reached.
I am interested in the psychology of it though. Is 50 shades just as shallow sexually for women as your average porn is for men, just slightly denser in its narrative complexity?

MirandaGoshawk Mon 24-Nov-14 18:32:16

Ooh thank you momb - you've saved me from having to read the books and your love has healed me

If you ever feel like elaborating further, tell me how/what happened when she met Mrs R. Or I suppose I could just buy the books...

Anyway, I am very grateful.

Noelle, you're right about it's shallowness. I couldn't quite work out what was wrong, but that's it.

<<reaching parts other media haven't reached>> I am smirking here, I have to admit. Apparently there are much better-written sexy novels out there but I can't remember which ones (should make notes).

hackmum Mon 24-Nov-14 18:35:17

gosh, that's an awful lot of plot. I'd assumed it was almost all dirty bits. (Haven't read any of them, by the way.)

AWholeLottaNosy Mon 24-Nov-14 18:40:05

You can prob get them in charity shops for 50p if you really want to read next two books...

fairgame Mon 24-Nov-14 18:41:59

Thankyou Momb saves me reading anymore. I read the 1st one and gave up half way through the second. My friends keeps convincing that i need to carry on because the 3rd one is brilliant. I can't bear them, they are all badly written, i really don't get all the hype. I had a feeling it might be a predictable boring happy ever after.

jollyjester Mon 24-Nov-14 21:41:32

I started book one to see what the hype was. It was so badly written I couldn't enjoy it nevermind finish it or read the other two.

summerslonggone Mon 24-Nov-14 21:56:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confuddledDOTcom Mon 24-Nov-14 21:58:56

I refuse to read the books because they are glorifying abusive relationships. It's not BDSM it's abuse and it scares me that so many women read this drivel and think it is acceptable. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling BDSM abuse wink)

headlesslambrini Mon 24-Nov-14 22:13:56

We have a copy of the first book in the office, it periodically comes out and randomly read out loud. Funny to watch the men in the room squirming grin

BaconAndAvocado Wed 26-Nov-14 22:50:06

Life is far too short......

stoopstoconker Wed 26-Nov-14 23:07:27

get them from the library...if you can stand the shame.

MirandaGoshawk Thu 27-Nov-14 10:52:27

I actually think I might! But only if they're on the shelf. Will have to keep popping in. I'm not going to reserve them! Meanwhile I shall be a regular visitor to all the local charity shops.

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