Weight loss and delusion about looking okay

[Shedtheload]

This is just me spouting my thoughts about weight loss. I read a lot about how most women are hyper-conscious of their weight and that all overweight people know full well that they are fat so it is hateful to say anything about it.

My experience is different. I genuinely seemed to have a blind spot when it came to weight. I am 5’6’’ and although it sounds a cop-out, I am quite big-boned. I have a large frame and that probably helps me carry weight quite well. I knew I had gained some weight but kidded myself that it was only a couple of pounds. I was wearing size 12 (albeit elasticated) jeans and dresses. I thought I looked pretty normal. I was horrified when I finally weighed myself and I was 14 st 7 lbs. Looking back, I was pretty bloody fat and looked it but I swear to god that when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked normal. No bulging flab, a relatively flat stomach etc.

I started taking my health seriously the weekend lockdown started, ie about 7 weeks ago. Since then, I have lost 15 pounds (7.3% of body weight). This is about a third of what I want to lose, so I have about 30 pounds left. I am nearly out of the obese range (never have I wished I was ‘overweight’ more). My BMI has gone from 32.7 to 30.3. I can see and feel changes. Running feels much easier than before. My stomach feels smaller. My waist size is no longer ‘a medical concern’, meaning I have lost some of the more dangerous fat.

I have also gone 53 days without bingeing which I have never done before in my whole life.

At the same time, I feel really despondent that I let myself get so big and embarrassed that I was so deluded and thought I looked fine when I was in fact obese. Has anyone else had this where they thought they looked fine but in hindsight really didn’t? I keep imagining that people were laughing at me behind my back and describing me as fat when they discussed me. Probably just me being paranoid but still.

Sorry for the rant and thanks for listening.

[Wagamamas]

Nobody worth their salt laughed at you for gaining weight.

[absolutehush]

@Shedtheload I understand what you really saying - we sound very similar builds (although I've yet to loose any weight) - I think I look lighter than I am. I also obsess horribly and have a very negative view of my body so I am sort of both mindsets.

I don't think anyone thought you were anything but yourself - I mean that in a good way! We think far more about our own bodies than anyone else does. I certainly don't spend much, if any, time thinking about other peoples weight unless it's very extreme.

If people were thinking about you they (a) kept it to themselves as they recognised it as unkind and (b) probably only thought about it very briefly

[absolutehush]

I meant to say that you also shouldn't give it anymore head space. Don't undermine what you've achieved by worrying about the past.

Congrats on the weight loss!

[lovinglavidaloca]

@Chericey please tell me that was a joke? OP has lost 15lba in 7 weeks in a healthy way and you think she wants your MLM shite?! You should be ashamed of yourself.

OP I totally know what you mean. I gradually gained almost 3 stone in the last 2-3 years and I think because it creeps on so gradually and you go up a size then give in and go up another size you don’t realise how bad it is. I still saw the same person in the mirror which probably says more about how I feel about myself even when I’m ‘thin’. It’s when I see pictures of myself I think ‘wow wtf happened?!’

I feel really embarrassed about it.

[Shedtheload]

Thank you all for the support - that’s so kind of you. Yes, you’re right about the fact that other people probably don’t obsess or notice our weight as much as we do ourselves. And I am glad that I am not the only one who looked in the mirror and saw the same person. You’re definitely right that it’s because the weight gain is so gradual that you just get used to it. Oh well, never gonna see the 14 st figure ever again! Now just looking forward to getting into the 12 st bracket.

[Daybydayagain]

I’m the same and I’ve lost a similar amount since lockdown... my BMI is 30 today from a BMI of 32-ish. My toddler was playing with my phone today and took some full length photos of me from the back and I can see very clearly that I still have a long way to go! I knew I am overweight but didn’t realise it’s so very obvious.

[Shedtheload]

daybydayagain congratulations on your loss. I used to avoid photos or take selfies at flattering angles. It’s funny how it takes losing a good chunk of weight to realise how bad the problem was. I hope I’m getting a more realistic perspective now.

[Daybydayagain]

Thank you - and congratulations to you too! We’re 1/3 of the way there which is pretty good but yes it’s helpful to have the wake up call of a more realistic perspective.

[Couch25k]

Yay well done! Try not to think anything negative. Just concentrate on you and the positivity going forward!! Keep doing what you are doing!!

[Shedtheload]

Thank you both of you! Onwards and upwards! Will be positive and look to the future now.

[ThePlantsitter]

It is NEVER not ok to think you look all right/good. You probably did - especially of you thought you did! That's half the battle.

Health and weight is different from appearance and weight, though you wouldn't know it from some Mumsnet posts.

[Shedtheload]

Thank you ThePlantsitter that’s made me feel better and that’s so true.

[Thatisnottwometres]

Im pretty much identical to you - same height and weight, same loss and same issue. I do a lot of public speaking so there's lots of recordings of me and while I knew I was overweight I didn't think I looked obese so had a shock.

Everything has now stopped though it seems despite sticking to 1500 calories a day and running / walking 35 miles a week. It's really frustrating

[Shedtheload]

Thatis that does sound frustrating. Hopefully it is just a plateau and the loss will start again soon. It’s comforting that others also didn’t realise how much they weighed. I think that when you have a small frame, the weight is very obvious at that size but larger frames carry it quite evenly without things like a bulging belly or love handles. I know that it’s totally pointless for me to aim for something like 9 stone (although would be a healthy BMI for height) because I’d never maintain it but I’d be really happy around the 11 stone mark and I think it would suit me because I used to be that weight for a long time.

[oooompa]

I get what you mean OP, I'm the same. In my head I look OK, its only in rare pictures that I see how big I am. At my largest I was nearly 21 stone, but in my head I looked no bigger than when I was about 17 stone (my previous heaviest weight before weightloss).

It was only when I realised that I quslified for bariatric surgery on the NHS that I realised just how bad the problem had become and made a permanent change.

And the frustrating thing is now I've lost the bulk of the weight, I see pictures of myself and now all I think is "how do I still look so fat?!"

A lifetime of body image issues that I don't think weightloss will ever truly fix unfortunately 😔

[Bluntness100]

I also understand what you mean, when I’ve gained weight I also don’t see it until I have a light bulb moment, and think oh shit.

You also see it posted on here a lot, “I weigh x but I don’t look it/carry it well” and of course peoples friends and families always say “oh you don’t look it, you look great” because they are being kind. To say “yes you do look it” would be perceived as incredibly rude or cruel.

So yes, I fundamentally agree with you a lot of people are in denial, don’t weigh themselves, wear clothes that have stretch in them, or baggy stuff that is not fitted and could fit several sizes, so don’t really know their actual size or weight .

I very much doubt anyone was laughing at you though, I’ve never known anyone who would do such a thing, and I don’t think because people can’t see it it means someone should tell them.

[justkeepmovingon]

I 100% do this very same thing, my weight gain always creeps and I wear clothes that allow it.

I feel and look good, which to be honest is confidence and I can guarantee you do look good because you aren't trying to hide away and you are oblivious to any weight gain.

Then I get the moment, the photo the mirror the one moment where I thing oh bolloks I've done it again and let that extra 5-8kg back on me again.

My moment this time was taking the boys to a dry ski place and they had to go on scales for skis and I thought I've not been on sacks for ages I wonder what I am, and they shot up to 69kg, my best weight is 58kg I was horrified.

[justkeepmovingon]

Scales even!

[molifly14]

I'm the same as you. I kept looking I'm the mirror and thinking it wasn't that bad? Had a light bulb moment and when i weighed myself realised I was 12 stone which made me grossly overweight.

I think if it creeps on you just don't notice it. That said, if people know you as you. They only see you as you and nothing els.

I used to think if I was 10 stone I would look ok although now realise that's not the case, therefore try very hard to maintain under 10 stone and still now think I look terribly. I genuinely thing we can never be happy with how we look.

[MsTSwift]

I was always naturally slim In my teens and twenties so in my mind I am the slim one. Took a routine medical to jolt me into the reality that at 11.5 stone bmi 27 I was firmly in the “overweight” category. That was October by January I had lost 2 stone. Sometimes you need the wake up call

[MsTSwift]

Sorry I really. disagree we can never be happy with how we look! I am thrilled with how I look now. Age 45 and 9.5 stone which was my weight at 25 pre kids and a size 10.

[Neolara]

Yes. I put on some weight and hadn't really noticed. The moment that brought it home was going to a hall of mirrors with the kids. I stood in front of a mirror that made me look tall and thin and thought " but that's just what I look like". Then I noticed how much thinner everyone else looked when they stood in front of it. And then I felt completely horrified. That and the photo recognition at passport control not working because I had got so much fatter since my passport photo had been taken. That was almost exactly a year ago and I've lost almost a stone, largely kept it off and am back in the normal weight category, albeit heavier than I would really like.

[CeibaTree]

I've lost 20kg recently and I know what you mean OP, I was in denial about how big I had become. I've still got 5kg to go before I move from the overweight to the healthy BMI category, but when I pick up my 13kg toddler I can't quite believe I was carrying around more than he weighs in excess weight, and I can't honestly understand how I let myself get so big without really noticing! Definitely some weird form of complete denial.

[runningtogetskinny]

Totally get where you're coming from, I'm 5'3" and was 12 stone, I'm pear shaped and my stomach was relatively flat (though not as flat as I thought) I ran a marathon and when the pics came I saw the reality - I looked like I had pillows down the backs of my running tights! Like you, I felt really embarrassed that I didn't realise and thought everyone must have been laughing, though I now realise that wasn't the case. I lost 2 1/2 stones and have kept it off, I sometimes go just over 10 (holiday/Christmas) then get the 7 off again. Well done on your weight loss so far, you can do it!!