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I need to change my brain before my body will change

(100 Posts)
Newyearnewarse Tue 25-Feb-20 07:29:16

I have tried and failed for years to lose weight. And I am now the heaviest I have ever been.
It makes me sad and annoyed but I know if I don't change how my brain thinks that I will keep failing .

Does anyone have any suggestions of what could help ?
I have looked at some books but they do mostly come down to the simplicity of eating less and moving more.
Well if I could manage that I wouldn't be fat in the first place!

I have thought about how I use food and I think I use it too much as a treat. I need to really connect the idea that eating crap will make me look and feel worse.

All ideas gratefully received.

OP’s posts: |
Iusedtobeapartygirl Tue 25-Feb-20 07:31:08

I've lost 2 and a half stone. I found watching programmes like Fat busters, Secret Eaters etc on YouTube helped me sort my brain out.

And you are so right, your head needs to be in the right place first.

Newyearnewarse Tue 25-Feb-20 07:36:16

Thank you , that is a good idea , I never think about youtube as being a helpful tool.

I was looking at the 4 pillar plan which seems to be about sorting out more than just your diet and it has good reviews but I don't want to just jump to yet another fad if that is what it is.

Would love to her if anyone has read this ?

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Astro0 Tue 25-Feb-20 07:36:38

I'm in the same boat! It's not that I can't lose weight as I've done it in the past, but it all goes back on. I need a once and for all method and am currently reading Allen Carr's 'Good Sugar Bad Sugar'. The aim is to finish reading the book before you do the plan. And I'd be interested to know if anyone has tried this and succeeded. I have high hopes! smile

makingmiracles Tue 25-Feb-20 07:38:30

Have a look at success stories on diet dr website and read Jason Fung the obesity code. I have cut out so much compared to what I ate In 2018, I was having several sugars in tea, copious amounts of coke, whole packs of biscuits etc, I really thought cutting it out would mean weight loss but actually all it did was stop me gaining any more. The only thing I’ve found that works for me is Keto with intermittent fasting, even the Keto on its own doesn’t result in movement on scales, I have to do the fasting with it to see the weight come off.
The success stories on diet dr are really inspiring.

BiffKipperAndTwattingChip Tue 25-Feb-20 07:42:19

I’d never heard of the four pillar plan but it looks interesting. I agree, there’s so much more to eating than putting food in your gob.

Divebar Tue 25-Feb-20 07:42:34

I’m in the same position as you .... diets don’t work they only make you fatter in the long run. I think if you’ve been programmed over a long time to think about “good” and “bad” food and calories and fat etc then it’s a difficult mindset to escape. Have you ever read anything about intuitive eating? I own a book on it but my peri menopausal brain isn’t letting me concentrate on it at the moment. Instead I’m concentrating on eating nutritious food to fuel me.... a bit like my body is a beloved pet and not “ me” if that random sentence makes any sense. I’ve joined a gym and I’ve been enjoying exercising again - Pilates and yoga as well as other classes. I’m not pounding myself into the ground in an attempt to burn calories. I’ve also just started with a lovely trainer but although he weighed me on some very high tech piece of equipment we didn’t discuss the numbers and I still don’t know what I weigh. He told me to drink more water..... that was it. We discuss fitness and strength and flexibility. I exercise at other opportunities too - like riding my bike into town rather than driving. I know that what I do now at nearly 50 is laying the foundations for my quality of life in my later years and I want to be fit and active. Good luck OP I know it’s not easy.

Firstimemam Tue 25-Feb-20 07:42:52


How much are you eating a day? How many snacks? When does it get hard for you? Is it all day, or is it easier for you to be good in the day and then it's harder in the evening, I believe everyone is very different and you need to analyse your own eating behaviour and then work our a plan around this.

What do you like to cook? Maybe challenge yourself to go vegan during the week. If you have the extra money, maybe try Gousto or hello fresh - very healthy food and the portion sizes are good.

Could you motivate yourself maybe with music to go for a daily power walk? Maybe even if it's 15 minutes?

It's really hard, the thing is that if you're constantly thinking about it, you then constantly think about food. I know it's a vicious cycle.

Iusedtobeapartygirl Tue 25-Feb-20 07:45:12

I know it doesn't work for everyone but I'm on Slimming World. (but not the mug shot, Muller light, artificial sweetener version, just lots and lots of fruit and veg, eggs, fish, meat, limited bread, limited oil and butter, home cooked from scratch every day).

It has taught me what a healthy plate of food looks like, and what is 'normal' and 'not normal' to eat. (of course I actually knew all this before!)

For example, chocolate, cake, crisps etc are not part of a normal diet. They are treats and should only be eaten occasionally.

I think advertising, cookery programmes etc had made me think that it was OK to eat a chocolate bar every day, or that having cake with coffee every time I went to a Cafe was fine. It is not!

I really think that I will stay on this plan (bar Christmas, birthday etc) for the rest of my life.

Newyearnewarse Tue 25-Feb-20 07:46:28

Thank you for the different ideas.
I know I could lose the weight if I really tried but I would be miserable doing it. I want to just not be thinking about food all bloody day.

I do feel better if I eat well
I do feel better if I exercise well

So why don't I just do it ?

OP’s posts: |
Newyearnewarse Tue 25-Feb-20 07:52:04

My meals are actually pretty healthy , we eat lots of veggie stuff but probably a bit late in the evening.

My downfall is when I get in from work and I reach for the crisps or a sandwich. In an ideal world this is when I would go to the gym or go for a walk.
I also consume too many wine calories.
I work in a secondary school and my main role is pastoral so by the end of the day I am emotionally shattered .

The bottom line I guess is I have to want to look and feel healthy more than I want to eat the sandwich.

Easy when you say it but so hard to do!

OP’s posts: |
Sally99 Tue 25-Feb-20 07:53:34

I'm another having difficulty getting my head in the right place.

Weight loss for me has to start in my head, then I'm fine. At the moment I just can't seem to do it and am feeling really pathetic and cross with myself. I've been wondering about hypnosis.

Iusedtobeapartygirl Tue 25-Feb-20 07:54:40

I'm always hungry after work. I used to have toast, now I have fruit. So maybe a plate with a sliced apple and some grapes. Or sometimes cherries and a banana sliced into some fat free plain skyr yogurt.

Sally99 Tue 25-Feb-20 07:57:13

@newyearnewarse. You are like me. I actually eat a basically healthy diet - lots of veg etc but my portions are too large. I'm lucky not to have a particularly sweet tooth.

It's when I get in from work that I head straight for wine and comfort food. I also love mayonnaise or anything fatty.

Sally99 Tue 25-Feb-20 08:02:39


So why don't I just do it ?

I ask myself that all the time.

Mapless Tue 25-Feb-20 08:03:22

Yes I think I also use food to treat myself, to recover from emotional experiences (mainly at work) and to treat pms symptoms. My portion control is also way off. I've put it down to years of living with a partner who is a foot taller, and who, I've just discovered, needs a 1000 cals a day more than I do, Sounds obvious but it's not been to me as I've been making small, unhealthy adjustments over maybe 20 years. I love the idea of treating your body like a favored pet. I have also found my fitness pal free app fantastic. Do has lost a stone already. I've lost 5-7lbs. It's based on diary -ink everything you eat. Basically making you think about how much food you need to maintain and lose weight. It calculates everything you eat plus any exercise. It helps me remember to exercise and I do so that I can eat more grin

DreamingofSunshine Tue 25-Feb-20 08:03:43

Four pillar plan is good as it's about small changes and I like how it looks at movement, sleep, stress etc as I'm far more likely to eat badly when tired or stressed.

Seventyone72seventy3 Tue 25-Feb-20 08:08:29

Can you set yourself up with some rules? Mine are:
- only ever one biscuit per cup of tea (couldn't go to zero but three was getting a bit much)
- don't finish up leftovers (I wasn't hungry just it seemed silly to put a small portion back in the fridge but I do now)

Sounds like not buying crisps could work for you (are you actually hungry when you eat them? Could you bring dinner forward instead?)
Limit your wine intake and don't buy wine if you find you can't. (I know, easier said than done!)

Sometimes I think you have to accept that your willpower is not going to get you through when you're tired, stressed and hungry! For example, my dh found a great local supplier of wineboxes. We both really loved the wine but our wine consumption went up so much when it was always on tap. Reluctantly we have cut ourselves off from the lovely, delicious wine always being in the fridge...

Candymay Tue 25-Feb-20 08:09:14

I agree with you that it’s the brain. I am overweight. I’m fat and it doesn’t look good or feel good. I overeat and can’t seem to stop. My brain isn’t in the right place. I have addiction issues. I feel I’ve given up now because I’ve just hit menopause and I don’t see the point anymore.

Gemma2019 Tue 25-Feb-20 08:17:27

Noom - it has completely changed my life. This time last year I was a size 18-20 with binge eating issues and was miserable as sin.

It's basically an app where you count calories and log food and exercise, but every day you have lessons about why you eat the way you do and how to overcome it. It really works if you completely engage with it and do the lessons religiously. There is a two week free trial and after that you get a goal specialist and a coach. The aim is to lose 1-2lbs a week.

As of today I am down 60lbs, a size 10 and my skin and hair are the best they have been. I eat like a normal healthy person now, which I didn't think was possible.

I know I sound almost evangelical but I have tried absolutely everything over the years and Noom is the only thing that has worked.

Newyearnewarse Tue 25-Feb-20 15:37:33

I have had a look at Noom but I am reluctant to sign up to anything at the moment.

I think I will order the 4 pillars book and see if that helps.

OP’s posts: |
SwishSwishSheesh Tue 25-Feb-20 15:58:23

Also Noom costs like a gazillion pounds!

RoomR0613 Tue 25-Feb-20 16:15:02

The biggest thing for me actually being able to lose weight was getting alcohol consumption right down.

I kept doing things like my fitness pal and never sticking to them because I knew the moment I opened a bottle of wine I would fail to stick to my calorie goal that day. So on those days I just wouldn't bother logging the calories at all, and then it all became pointless.

I needed to get on top of the alcohol anyway because doing a stressful job a found myself reaching for a glass of wine earlier and earlier in the week and then earlier and earlier in the evening. It got to the point I could easily drink a bottle a night most nights.

I knew long term I couldn't carry on like that and I was wizzing up through dress sizes. I read the Allen Carr book about stopping drinking alcohol. I haven't stopped completely as a result but I don't drink at home at all any more, only if out for a rare meal out and I stop at 1 drink.

Because I'm not drinking wine in an evening I'm also not mindlessly snacking on cheese and biscuits at the same time. I'm not ravenous and needing carbs in the morning and another carb pick me up at lunchtime and 3pm.

I'm sleeping better, so I've got more energy, with more energy and finding more motivation to do stuff and I'm just moving more without even thinking about it.

Gemma2019 Tue 25-Feb-20 19:24:13

Noom costs £18 a month - I'd hardly call that a gazillion pounds! Plus you get a two week free trial.

Octopus37 Tue 25-Feb-20 19:57:48

My Sister is doing Second Nature (used to be Our Path) I think and loving it. It is more of a lifestyle plan, not just about weight loss. The focus seems to be on lowish carb, almost not sugar, full fat with support and emphasis on being nice to yourself. I am over on the banting thread, have just been working at cutting down (not out) myself, as I cannot afford to join a scheme or club. I have lost half a stone since the beginning of January, has been slow, have cut down on drink quite a bit and takeaways but I am still eating some fun bits. I know some people say to go cold turkey on sugar, chocolate etc, but for me that would be too restrictive and quite frankly depressing. I think it is a brain thing, I spent all last year promising myself I would get under 9st (was in the low 9s this time last year) and ended up at nearly 10st by the end of the year, just couldn't get into the mindset. I' also tying to change the idea that its a case of being on a diet or off a diet. In the past I have dieted for about 6 weeks, lost about 10 pounds, fallen off the wagon and put it all back on again with a bit more, have done this twice since 2017. Now if I do eat too much or have a meal that's a bit of a treat, say a takeaway or pub meal, I just try and carry on as 'normal', rather than panicking thinking I've blown it, eating what I want and not being able to get on track again. Good luck whatever you decide

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