I beginning to believe i will be fat forever and theres no hope.

[bigfatfailure15]

Sorry if this is the wrong place, i didn't know where better, to discuss issues of chronic weight issues. i am 31, i have been overweight since adolescence, im now in the bigger end of plus size, whilst no real health issues atm, obviously it's what the future might hold. i feel depressed and despondent, i don't think ill ever shift it, i think i just always be fat and die fat and theres no way out, how have people got out of this slump and managed to turn it around? xx

[Patchworksack]

Change your user name for a start and stop being so hard on yourself! Be honest with yourself about what you eat that has led to you being overweight, and think about a plan that you can stick to going forward. Make some positive changes and you could be feeling so much better about yourself in just a few weeks.

[chillychicken]

James Smith Academy. If you do nothing else today, just give his instagram a follow. Go and have a look at the transformations on his website. I'm always sceptical but I've been a member of the JSA for about a year and the transformations are real. They're posted in the private group by the members and he puts them on the website. You don't even have to pay a penny to start benefiting from his knowledge. Use the calculator on the website to work out the calorie intake you need to lose weight - it's calculated on about 15% deficit so it's totally manageable long term.

Then stop talking about yourself in such a derogatory manner. Would you call a friend of yours a big fat failure? No. so don't call yourself one

[bigfatfailure15]

thank you for the supportive replies, i think obesity needs to treated much more in terms of mental health, a lot of chronic obesity is trauma /neglect based (mine included) if it had i think i would have better strategies in place by now. it just seems very hopeless, found it easier to quit smoking 😔

[Patchworksack]

Can you reframe the way you think about it towards eating more healthily and doing some exercise because it's good for your mental health?

[bigfatfailure15]

ive done things like weightwatchers and slimming world, in the past starts off well but can't sustain it.

[melissasummerfield]

I also recommend James Smith!

You just need to make small changes to start off with.

I am very overweight and am making small changes week by week, for the firsr couple of weeks just sticking to my calorie allowance, then tiny amounts of exercise increasing by tiny amounts each week.

Please don't give up!

[bigfatfailure15]

good luck melissa x

[Patchworksack]

Good morning BFF (until you change your name that is beautiful female friend) hope you are feeling more positive today. One small positive change for this week?

[bigfatfailure15]

Well ive decided this week to cut out bread, so and then next week maybe something else

[bigfatfailure15]

thank you for your lovely post 😊 x

[Patchworksack]

That's great news! One positive change every week would see you well on the road to being healthier and happier. Please make some of them just about being nice to yourself and not about dieting - doing some yoga videos, treating your self to something (not food!) getting out into the sunshine.

[FATEdestiny]

Have you weighed yourself OP? I know stepping on the scales the first time is a Very Big Deal but having that start point is heart for focusing your mind on the journey. Plus your weight loss in the early weeks is likely to be massive if you start big - which is a great boost.

I started morbidly obese at 17 1/2 stone (5'4") and BMI 43. The first thing I did was work out what weight I needed to be to be healthy BMI 25 (which was 10st4 for me) and then started a really long list of tiny targets. Not just half-time loss targets. Also celebrate entering new stone brackets, work out each 10% bracket of your total loss, you should have something to celebrate achieving every few weeks which helps keep you on track.

I didn't intend to start running but it ended up that way. I just intended initially to start doing a short (45 min) walk in my otherwise totally inactive day, every day. As you can see from my progress chart attached - I taught myself how to run (whilst still solidly in the obese category) and discovered a love of the challenge of running.

I attach my progress from morbidly obese to healthy and running a half marathon, all in less than a year - to show you it's possible (and dare I say easy). Two years on from the start of my journey and I still run, I also weight train at the gym and my eating habits have changed in the long term

Its a lifestyle change, not a diet. You CAN do it!

[Beechview]

I struggle with diets and the only thing I had success with is fasting and cutting out bread.
Fasting is done for 16 hrs every day. Choose your own hours but I liked fasting between 7pm and 11am the next morning.
Then only eating a late breakfast at 11, lunch at 3 and dinner before 7.
All meals are healthy and balanced with plenty of veg and even a small dessert after dinner.

[turkeyontheplate]

I've lost 5 stone and have another 4.5 to lose, so I know very well how you feel. I'm older than you and I do have a number of weight-related health problems. A year ago I was pretty much stuck on the sofa in elasticated trousers, utterly miserable and ashamed, letting old friendships slide because I didn't want anyone to see me. Binge-eating crap because it didn't matter, I was never going to have a proper life again, it was too late.

I'm overweight rather than obese now (yay!!) and everything is different. I can go for a walk, I can wear normal jeans and I look and feel so much better. My health problems are steadily getting better. I have a long way to go, but it feels achievable now.

I bought a Fitbit and started calorie-counting everything - simple is best, for me. Use more than you consume. I make myself get up early and eat three meals a day. I gave up sugar, salt and refined carbs at the same time (I'm a bit of a black and white thinker). I record my water intake on Fitbit as well. I started by going for short walks with DH, Fitbit records how many calories you burn when you exercise and walking counts. I had to accept at the start that I couldn't do any more than short walks and that a lot of the time I would be sweaty, uncomfortable and embarrassed. The walks got longer and easier, I invested in a decent pair of supportive walking boots to help with my plantar fasciitis (which is made much worse by being overweight). Now I can walk 13 miles in a day, we've started doing proper hill walks at the weekend and it's really improved my mental health. I go swimming once a week now as well, I didn't start that until I'd lost a few stone as I was just too self-conscious.

You CAN get rid of the weight and get your life back. It's hard, especially at the start, but you really can.

[Patchworksack]

@FATEdestiny wow that is amazing!

[Sparky888]

Have you read Alan Carr’s Easy Way to stop emotional eating?
It’s very accurate and about changing mindset

[Skolkolet]

Small changes add up to a big difference, OP.

I hope you can start to feel more positive. This stuff can seem overwhelming.

[Spodge]

Have a read of a book just out - Why we eat (too much) by Andrew Jenkinson. I've just started it but am already blown away by some of the stuff he's coming out with. He's a bariatric surgeon who has heard this kind of thing all his career and thought that there must be some way to address it.

[Zebracat]

Hi. I’m in the first week of trying again. I am obese, and I need to lose at least 5 stone. First small change is porridge for breakfast. I use oatsosimple because it’s measured. Keeps me fuller than toast for loads less calories.
Second change is 3 calorie controlled meals a day, and a maximum of 2 small snacks.
Third change is to walk or swim every day.
Obviously I am fat, and I have some related health problems, but it’s actually the last stone that causes really obvious problems, like rashes in my creases, sore knees, inability to get my socks on.. After 3 days of quite modest changes, these issues are beginning to improve and I am starting to feel better. Also,I am as heavy as I have ever been so I am squeezed into my clothes and everything is uncomfortable, today I have managed to keep my bra on all day and not undo my jeans after dinner. Small improvements, but you know how good that feels.
Please dont be disheartened, you can do this.

[blubberball]

Start today OP. Right now. Make one small change. Could be to drink more water, could be to do a YouTube work out for beginners, could be to go for a walk, get off one bus stop early, take the stairs rather than the lift, park your car at the back of the car park and walk a little further. Just one small change. Then you have taken your first positive step. When you're ready, take another little step. The time is going to pass any way, might as well start today and take little steps towards being healthier. Good luck. You can do it!

[doublebarrellednurse]

Honestly cutting out foods is a recipe for disaster. You'll want them more and continue the binge/starve cycle more.

You say this is linked to your mental health, what mental health treatment are you receiving? If that's the core issue that's the one that needs talking about.

Google IAPT + your area and you can self refer to talking therapy. Get some help with the underlying issue and it can change everything.

I speak from experience.

[SunshineAvenue]

Wow FATEdestiny you must be feeling amazing and live the mini goals.
You have some really big loses on an almost daily basis, what where you eating/not eating?

[SunshineAvenue]

Love not live. Weekly not daily.

Brain fuddled here.

[myohmywhatawonderfulday]

I think that weight loss is the outcome of a combination of things and not a 'thing in itself'. Yet we so often have feelings like you describe.

I like to think of it like this: being sad about being overweight is a bit like me being sad I am not in Manchester when I am sat in London.
I can be sad all I like but if I am not making moves towards Manchester I will never get there.

It is much better to focus your thoughts and energy on the 'things' or actions or steps you can take.

These 'actions' include: sleep, stress management, food choices and balancing blood sugar, drinking water, moving more.

Even if you don't believe it - act as if you do and do the things that need to be done any way.

Also lots and lots of studies have shown that having social support and not trying to do it alone is much more effective.

Try not to focus on the outcome focus on the things that will get you to that destination and don't feel like you have to make the journey alone.