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A.i.b.u to put teen on secret diet ? Catch it whilst we can

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Choclips Wed 13-Nov-19 16:28:03

Dd is 13. 5'6 and weighing 12 stone. Has a massive sugar addiction . Didn't want to put a blanket ban of sweet things in the house but as she's still having sweet pastries at school every day and will spend any money out and about on sweets/McDonalds and the like. Anything processed in the house and she will eat until it's gone, despite me empathising it's to be shared by all. I've put out of sight and she's found. I don't like the idea of punishing. I do restrict, otherwise she would definitely be a stone or two heavier.

Whenever I've gently suggested 'upping her healthy eating' and cutting out junk, she agrees to. Probably to shut me up . Anyone been in same boat, please let me know what to do.

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Frenchfancy Wed 13-Nov-19 16:31:22

I'm in a similar boat so watching for ideas. You might want to get this thread moved to a more appropriate board though.

Finfintytint Wed 13-Nov-19 16:33:22

I put a blanket ban on all things sweet and/or processed. They can get their fixes out of the house. It’s time consuming but I cook pretty much everything from scratch so I can regulate my own fat, sugar content etc.
I do have the time though to do it.

LilyMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 13-Nov-19 17:43:51

We're just moving this to weight loss chat for the OP. flowers

MonsterSister Wed 13-Nov-19 17:54:35

I don't really have advice on this but we had almost exactly this situation with DD at 13-ish (she reached about 11.5 stone at that point and looked too heavy for her frame). Nothing we subtly(?) tried to do seemed to help, though maybe it kept a lid on her getting even heavier.

When she hit 14 she fairly suddenly decided for herself to do something about it (including lecturing us on how irresponsible we'd been to let her get overweight, but hey ho).

At 16 she was possibly looking a bit too skinny (was doing a lot of sport) and at 18 she looks spot on for her height -- I think she's around 10 stone now and hasn't changed for a couple of years.

Innishh Wed 13-Nov-19 19:21:00

Same situation here - but as I am overweight - I take full responsibility for this and I am gutted that I have inflicted this misery on her (although she has never said she is unhappy with her weight).

My DD is 13 also and I have 3 older DCs who have never been over weight. She was always hungry as a younger child and would hoover up everyone’s left overs - always healthy home cooked meals.

As she got older my standards slipped and there was treats, ready meals and takeaways - but I have just started a new healthy eating regime at home as agree that they eat out of the house loads and I can’t control that. She does loads of exercise (8hrs/week outside of school sport) - so I am now cooking lower carb meals from scratch and ensuring there is loads of veg and protein at home. No treats, takeaways or ready meals for the last 6 weeks. We talk about healthier choices when she is out.

No idea what she weighs - don’t really want to start her on that roller coaster......

I hope that she will make better choices out

Choclips Wed 13-Nov-19 20:15:04

Have you noticed a change in shape in 6 weeks Innish? It's fantastic that you're making that concerted effort. I don't mean to push, but do you use a website for particular recipes?
I could use inspo.

I don't want did to be another obese statistic.

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notacooldad Wed 13-Nov-19 20:20:15

Have a look at this choclips
www.nhs.uk/change4life/recipes

There is also an app

apple0pie Wed 13-Nov-19 20:34:54

I have a 12 yr old who unfortunately takes after me and seems to put weight on by just looking at food. He loves his unhealthy snacks despite me trying to encourage him otherwise.

So we are trying to be more active as a family. I'm back in SlimmingWorld and I am making family healthy meals using SlimmingWorld.

I also said if he's going to eat crap at school I will send him in with no money and a packed lunch.

Im sure SlimmingWorld do. Teenage plan about healthy eating and making the right food choices.

Choclips Wed 13-Nov-19 20:51:50

I can't suggest dieting to her unless she asked. I'd feel that I was judging her, and she mightn't want to discuss issues with weight gain as a result. I've focused on upping her nutrition and feeling full from good food. She is very far from wanting to learn though , heading for team rebellion and apathy !

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Choclips Wed 13-Nov-19 20:53:07

Teen rebellion, I'd meant.

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Innishh Wed 13-Nov-19 22:50:13

I am also doing slimming world for the recipes basically - so loads of filling nutritious food. I go to the weekly meeting but you can join online - my DD just thinks we are eating healthier (not mentioned dieting). There is no portion control on their “free foods” - I have dinner ready much earlier now and loads of healthy snacks ready and served up. I am also doing cooked breakfast - scrambled eggs or beans on toast. Filling up on loads of healthy food so no need for unhealthy snacks.

Innishh Wed 13-Nov-19 22:58:16

Having yo-yo dieted since late teens and just put on more and more weight I do think that sugar and carb snacks is to blame and it’s not about basic calories. Refined carbs make me hungry and crave more carbs - whereas having now cut them out and replaced with protein I just don’t get hungry.

I do think that eating food out the home / on the move is v hard to go low carb as all snacks are sugar/carb loaded.

nzeire Wed 13-Nov-19 23:01:02

My 15 year old is always hungry and does loads of exercise. I noticed she was getting heavy looking. Have introduced weight watchers (she doesn’t know this) Bircher muesli and mug muffins for her breakfast. Really fills her up and a great start to the day

Innishh Wed 13-Nov-19 23:28:03

Yes that’s my approach nzeire - filling her up with loads of filling healthy food rather than cutting back. Will look up those muffins - sound yum

Choclips Thu 14-Nov-19 09:19:11

Just had a look at Bircher muesli and mug muffins .How did I not know about these? Looks great!

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AnastasiaS Thu 14-Nov-19 16:45:23

nzeire What are mug muffins? Interested to hear the recipe for those.

charityhallet Mon 18-Nov-19 14:02:19

We've just kind of done this with my 12.5yo. I've posted my story on another thread so will copy it here:-

I have a 12.5yo girl in S1 who is 60kg at approx. 5ft 1in, which is overweight. In stark contrast to your daughter, she doesn't seem to realise it and calls herself skinny like her brother and sister (who are both very skinny). She is quite slim & tall all over but has a large tummy (never complains about any pain).

DH and I are overweight (I'm morbidly obese which I am working on) and we are very worried about her, but trying to tread very carefully as we both clearly have our own food issues.

DD is quite greedy, she doesn't eat a wide variety of foods, but what she does eat is in big portions i.e. a whole pizza etc. She doesn't have a varied diet so eats the same sandwich day after day for example. She's also now in control of her diet to an extent as she started at high school in August so chooses her own lunches and some snacks.

She swims regularly with a non competitive swim club but doesn't do a lot else due to a recurring injury in her leg. She has sat out of PE for most of this term (necessary). We are going to start family walks though, if this rain will ever stop!

We have really realised her weight is rapidly rising this week so have decided to implement a family healthy eating strategy going forwards so change white bread to wholemeal, cut out the crisps, homemade pizza, wholemeal pasta, less treats/McDs. And maybe ask her to take packed lunch a couple of days a week. We will monitor how things are going, by eye - I don't want to regularly stand her on scales as she is so unaware of any issues, the only reason she was weighed in the first place was because she presented at A&E (something unrelated but they weighed her on admission).

I know this might not be helpful as we are dealing with different daughters, but its helped me to write this out and also to know I'm not alone. I can't decide if its better or worse that they realise - better because they might change their diet & exercise more but worse as of course you desperately don't want them to be unhappy.

I am very interested in similar stories and wish you all so much luck. I am terrified of my DD being overweight & unhappy but also don't want her know how worried I am or give her any food issues.

Our family chat and start to healthy eating has gone well, both older kids have accepted less treats & sweets and some small changes to what we buy. Its cod, new pots and green beans for tea, will see how that goes down!

Innishh Mon 18-Nov-19 14:26:56

charity thanks for sharing. I agree I def don’t want her to go on the scales. Mine is veggie so it is v easy to eat too many carbs (pasta, rice, noodles, potatoes). We are eating v well at home now and I have cut out the treats at home - mostly she is now having healthy snacks and I try to have main meal ready for when she comes in so no snack needed. Although she is doing more baking now (brownie in a mug!) to satisfy her sweet tooth which I need to watch doesn’t become more than once a week. Not sure how great her school lunches are. I am modelling healthy behaviour around food and asking her to think of good choices. Trying hard not to get over anxious, exasperated or critical....which are all my own issues projected on to her......

charityhallet Mon 18-Nov-19 14:35:54

I hear you @Innishh, me too! Its taking up a lot of headspace for me just now and I am quite teary (which is completely hidden from her).

Can you log in and see what your DD has for school lunches? We can do that here which is a good deterrent from going too mad for my DD - she still has 'pizzinis' (whatever they are) once a week but also has a fruit bag or a yoghurt.

We are doing some healthy breakfasts too - homemade smoothies and eggs on toast.

Innishh Mon 18-Nov-19 15:00:16

I think that my strategy for her getting ahead and controlling the hunger - which is where the poor fattening food choices slip in. Also doing big breakfasts and healthy dinners so filling up with sustainable nutritious food - so not getting hungry - also trying to cut back her refined carb intake as this just makes her hungry sooner - so reaches for the snacks........although I have cut everything out of the house, we are not now doing takeaways or eating out as a family. That’s the only control I have - and she obviously eats out of the house when out with friends which is quite a lot of the week - so that’s why I have really overhauled our family eating habits.

She has changed shape over the last few weeks - the tummy is smaller.....but this needs to be lifelong lifestyle changes - not a diet.

Innishh Mon 18-Nov-19 15:05:03

She does like the healthier stuff - she often asks me to make her a salad snack (not sure why she can’t reach into the fridge herself for a handful of cherry toms! She could reach in perfectly well when there were treats in there!)

I think I will start packing her heathy snacks for school as she has a long day.

UhareFouxisci Mon 18-Nov-19 15:07:56

really bad idea op. you will end up giving your daughter food based anxiety which will last decades. you'll also destroy your relationship with her and make her unwilling to visit you when she's left home.

she wants the sugary snacks and she will get them one way or another- if not now then as soon as she can escape your control. you cannot stop this by restricting access to calories.

it is fine to have a high calorie diet if you have a highly energy-burning activity regime to match. so invest all your time and effort helping her to thrive in a sporting activity that is proportional to the sweets and fats she wants.

Innishh Mon 18-Nov-19 15:13:32

it is fine to have a high calorie diet if you have a highly energy-burning activity regime to match. so invest all your time and effort helping her to thrive in a sporting activity that is proportional to the sweets and fats she wants.

So best get her running a couple of marathons a day! Really it’s getting a balance between calories in and calories out - so you can up the activity and cut the sugar to get a correct healthy balance.

Choclips Mon 18-Nov-19 19:10:25

And this is why it's so confusing Uharefouxisci
This weekend I have her money for nandos. Then she used change to get a bubble tea ( japenese sugar drink). After she tried to keep back change, I think for shops before school). If I don't seriously cut out at home, she will hate me for allowing her to gain lots more weight ! She's put 4lb on in 2-3 weeks. Where I didn't have lots of treats in she made cookies for children in need and had loads out of that. I had to let that one go in case it became an issue.

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