This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Totally humiliated myself at gym 😢(129 Posts)
Urgh. Today is a bad day.
I am a member of a gym for past 18m and previous to that was at a different gym. I'm no gym bunny but I try to go twice a week and make an effort. When I began at this gym I had an induction but I adapted the routine a bit along the way eg I hate the bikes so did more treadmill.
So I admit I've been off plan had a few holidays and many take aways, I'm not a slim girl I'm 15st+ size 16/18. I recently went back to gym after few weeks off and they have changed alot of the equipment so I didn't know what to do. I booked a refresh with the instructor. Now I knew I was in a fragile state of mind today so probably should have cancelled but I thought it would do me good. The instructor insisted I had another full induction and put me on this machine that weighed you and BMI, fat, muscle etc I knew I didn't want to do that but she was insistent. Then she starts comparing my stats saying I've put on 7lb then saying no it's more like 9 that's way over half stone. Saying you put on 9lb in six weeks! (I haven't I've put it on since last time on machine which was 18m ago) she was going on about BMI and fat etc but in quite a critical way which I totally understand as well it's bad, I know it's bad. I admit I couldn't even look at her or the machine I was getting more and more upset this was all taking place in a room that people can see in and the door was open and it's right next to the water fountain so people tend to stand there.
Part way through her spiel of how much fat I'd gained she looked at me and said are you upset? I said yes and burst into full huge sobs, she then said did you not know you were this big and I half shouted back of course I did I have a mirror! I then grabbed my stuff and said I gotta go home and literally ran sobbing through the gym and leisure centre. I couldn't even drive for the first 20 minutes as I was sobbing that much. I can't believe I've humiliated myself like that and now I have no idea to even make it better as I still can't work the gym.
I'm so upset with myself for getting this fat and this upset I'm cringing at the thought of ever going back 😢😢😢
Big hug. You didn't humiliate yourself, the instructor was not kind or supportive.
Whoa stop that now! You have NOT humiliated yourself! You were in the gym! That's amazing! You are working on improving your health and loosing what you have gained. You accept you need to be healthier and that's brilliant. The gym is full of all sorts of people. Gym bunnies and beer bellies alike. I NEVER judge anyone in the gym. If anything, I am inspired when I see larger people pushing themselves harder than I ever could! The PT needs a lesson in bedside manner. I'd email the manager. She needs to be told to be more sensitive. She sounds like a right bitch.
You keep going. You're doing brilliantly
Talk to the manager, check out some other gyms, don't stop going.
You didn't humiliate yourself, she was vile. Once you've calmed down and had some time, I would write a very firm complaint to the gym and make it clear her comments were neither wanted nor helpful, and that she was unacceptably pushy and rude. If you dont want to go back again, use the complaint to cancel your membership and find another gym. Do not let this horrible person get into your head and undermine your wish to go to the gym and exercise, you don't deserve that.
She sounds like she is in the wrong job. She should be motivating you not putting you off.
Is there some one else there you can see, or look for recommendations for a decent instructor who won't judge and demotivate.
Yes, the manager needs notifying. I can’t believe someone who is supposedly trained to help others get in shape could be so f-ing insensitive and rude! How unpleasant for you - I’m really sorry. Have a hug and some you’re doing great. The fault is entirely the PT's.
No! you didn't humiliate yourself, you were made to feel silly by someone who should know better. She ought to be used to dealing with clients who for whatever reason aren't very confident or feel out of place in a gym. She sounds like she really lacks empathy and people skills.
I'd get in touch with their management and either ask for a refund, explaining why, or ask for another induction with someone else who's a bit kinder. I hope you get it sorted out but try not to be discouraged by one person who lacks emotional intelligence .
What a cow! Complain to the gym.
Also get right back on that horse. When you complain to the gym about their member of staff publicly humiliating you also demand a new induction with a good member of staff.
Don't let some jumped up little gym twat dictate your future!
That said, the humiliation is all in your mind. You were there to make a change. You were there to start getting in shape because you know your BMI and fat are too high. Normal gym users are usually impressed by people coming in and starting to make a change. Let's face it, all of them started somewhere too and all of them know how much effort it takes to stay in shape.
You can make this a win.
I bet the gym offers you free personal training or such like by way of apology. No way they want you leaving reviews about staff shaming people coming in looking for help.
Fuck that gym off
Find another friendly gym
Remind your self - you are not disgusting, or embarrassing or anything else. You want to get HEALTHY, which is a positive thing. The rest will follow.
Stop thinking ‘fat’ or ‘thin’ remind yourself there are body types in between and that health is the goal, not thinness
Thanks for the replies, I always felt ok at the gym that one especially as it's quite a broad range of people. It just hit me like a ton of bricks on a bad day 😢 I'm now home and feel guilty as I was supposed to do a workout today and now haven't fml 🙈
I was expecting to read that you'd fallen off the treadmill or something.. not that a staff member made insensitive comments. You've not humiliated yourself! She was rude.
Join a different gym. Have a fresh start. Gain that confidence back.
If that's not possible, send an email to a manager complaining about how you hadn't booked a personal fitness session (or interrogation!) and there was no justification to be spoken to like that. You asked for help working machines, not a parade of criticism.
There are always a few bad apples unfortunately, but 99% of the people at the gym don't care how big you are. If anything, I've found most people are really encouraging. You've acknowledged you're overweight and you're trying to deal with it at your own pace. Don't let this be a set back, you've got this!
The instructor was an absolute arse! Definitely call the manager.
Have a gentle hug lass. You can get fit. You don't need a gym. Plenty of on-line videos, etc.
She sounds like a massive nob
I would change gyms and make a complaint
Said with kindness, but why are you apologising so much for your very existence? Almost every sentence in your OP is a written equivalent of a kicked dog.
The instructor was an insensitive idiot, but that doesn't make you a bad human being.
(And I say that as someone with dreadful self-esteem and I can guarantee you that I am far more overweight than you are.)
You haven’t done anything wrong.
I would seriously put in a formal complaint against the gym instructor. Unless it’s a gym renowned for the boot camp tough love style ethos she was WAY out of line.
If nothing else I would consider cancelling my membership and going elsewhere and every time they give you a call to ask why and if you might change your mind for x y z deal explain why you won’t, naming her in the process.
This sort of stuff makes me so furious. I started at just over 17 stone and am now 11 and a bit (with some more to go). If the fitness instructors who helped me had treated me like that I’d never have got off the starting blocks. It’s so unkind and so unnecessary.
Her job is literally the opposite of what she’s done - she’s supposed to encourage and motivate you to get healthier, not humiliate you. I’m so sorry, I would have felt exactly the same but unlike you I don’t go to the gym.
Please find another one and then go and do a Pretty Woman on her in a few months. She made a big mistake, HUGE...
She clearly isn't a people person, so don't feel embarrassed.
Complain to the manager and find a gym with nicer staff.
Don't feel guilty about not working out, can you go for a long walk instead?
Poor you op! That sounds awful! Talk about being punished for trying to do the right thing!
Write the details about your encounter with the hideous trainer to the gym manager and tell them that it has totally put you off returning which is surely not their objective. Tell them you are making a formal complaint about the attitude of one of their staff. Ask for a reply, an apology and ask to be compensated for that particular session. Also ask for reassurance that that staff member has received training to correct her manner. Good luck!
Agree with everyone else. Take today as a 'comfort' day and start again tomorrow even if it's just a walk. But definitely complain. She may have just been having a bad day but that's no excuse in a customer facing role especially like this. You have totally got this.
For context, I'm a personal trainer.
You didn't humiliate yourself here. You got upset, you're only human.
Look at it another way: today you've met someone who's so shit at her job that she alienates total strangers. At least you're not her!
I feel that you would be within your rights to make a complaint to the centre/gym about this instructor. We -- by which I mean appropriately qualified PTs and instructors -- are trained to not point out clients' weight and and body shape in this clumsy way. So she's either not been trained properly, or she's ignored/forgotten her training.
There is a sensitive way to open up a conversation, so that if the client wants to talk about her or his weight, or indeed any body issue, they can do. In short, we never raise or 'point out' a client's body shape or stats with our client; we wait for them to do it with us, and tell us what they would like to do about it. It's supposed to be entirely client-led.
It's certainly not for the trainer/instructor to use shaming language or make incredulous remarks about a client's body. They're supposed to be there to help you.
I would complain. I guarantee that if the managers knew she'd sent a client running out of the gym in tears, they'll address it.
Please, please do complain to the gym and don't be put off from going - whether you want to continue at that gym or not is up to you, of course. I like my Council gym because no-one gives a shit what you look like and 90% of the people in there when I go are pensioners. Admittedly most of them are fitter than I am!
You've done nothing wrong at all - and frankly I doubt the gym want to lose a paying customer. I would request a repeat induction with a different instructor, and use it as a chance to refresh your routine. Hold your head up high - you can do this.
She was beyond rude and vile to you, I’m so sorry. I really think you should complain.
You absolutely didn't embarrass yourself, she is an idiot. And please don't think other gym goers will have noticed, when you go back no-one will know about this apart from her. Don't let it stop you from going, onwards and upwards!
I was a size 18 when I started at the gym and had one of those inductions where they told me my bmi, etc. The PT was sensitive and kind.....never once said anything like “do you know how big you are”. In fact they didn’t even assume I was there to lose weight which was sweet of them.
I think you’ve being put with someone with poor people skills who could have been more diplomatic.
So now you need to work out a plan. When to go back for another induction? Ring them up and tell them you do not need or want a full induction you just want someone to show you the new equipment. Be firm about this.
Please login first.