Disclaimer: Im so sorry for the ramble but feeling low today.
I was anorexic when younger and have since put on 3 stone, partly by learning to actually eat again (I was living on drugs and booze before tbh despite coming across very capable and running my own business) and partly due to a very serious accident that has left me physically much less able - though this is improving as time goes on.
I am now about 10.5 stone and know that technically it's a healthy weight (I think) for my height - around 5'7". But I was always around 7-8 stone before.
I know (or think at least) that I'm not lots overweight on paper, I am really unhappy at this weight when I see myself and do not feel myself at all. I've lost all of my identity. I would love to reach a mid point again.
I'm so confused - some days I feel like I should take control and make myself happier by eating less, but as soon as I lose weight I think oh well I can always lose it again and then eat more. I also love now having boobs and bum but struggle with the lack of control that goes alongside having the other wobbly bits I've gained for the first time.
Some days I affectionately love my big scar from the accident and see it as a reminder I'm a survivor, a kind of badge of honour. Other days I hate it, especially when people mention it negatively or whisper about it.
I don't even know what my question is - I guess it's should I accept I'm not going to be thinner if I want to eat what I am now, and therefore work on eating what I am now and that it ISNT actually too much food, just normal?
Or should I try to eat less because it will make me happier with my body, but then I'll still preoccupied with food?
Is it normal to feel like you're denying yourself if you don't eat what you like, even if you're eating a healthy amount?
Has anybody else had anorexia in the past and after recovery struggled to accept their new body even though it's actually healthy? Will I ever not be preoccupied with the loss of control?
I am so sorry for rambling just have a really full head today and would love to hear from anyone who has gone through a similar shift in lifestyle.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Join the chat on our Weight Loss forum.
Weight loss chat
Am I accepting / conceding / punishing?
5 replies
ThatCurlyGirl · 20/08/2019 16:12
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.