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Help and advice needed, at the end of my tether

(14 Posts)
bigfatlump Thu 25-Jul-19 13:00:14

NC for this. I am obese and at high risk of diabetes. I know I need to lose weight but I have no willpower. Really. I am a strong confident woman in everything until it comes to food. I need to lose about 6 stone. I have tried EVERY diet (except the cabbage soup diet - I hate cabbage) and am currently on-off using MFP. I am almost in tears here because I don't know what I can do to get me stick to healthy eating. I've lost up to 1.5 stones before - then put it back on. I have trouble getting motivated to do exercise, because I feel so overweight, and I realise that is a Catch 22. I realise no one can help me, but has anyone been here and what did you do to overcome it? thanks for reading!

OP’s posts: |
Crazzzycat Thu 25-Jul-19 16:27:06

I haven’t quite been in the same position as you, but was 3 stone overweight at the start of this year. I’m now a healthy weight.

It’s difficult to explain what changed for me, but probably the most important thing for me was to learn to stop being so damn hard on myself. I used to beat myself up every time I’d overeat, which just made me want to eat more.

Starting out with realistic expectations made a real difference for me. I knew some days would be hard and that the temptation to eat too much might well be too strong on other days. All of that is perfectly normal and, as long as you stick to the plan most of the time, is not going to stop you lose weight.

I tried not to focus too much on that overall goal of losing 3 stone as it felt impossible to achieve that. I broke it up into much smaller goals and rewarded myself every time I hit one.

If I were you, I would see if you can identify what makes you overeat. Is it boredom, habit, stress or a way to deal with difficult emotions? Then see if you can think of different ways to deal with whatever triggers you to eat.

Choose a plan that is sustainable. Anything that cuts out major food groups or doesn’t allow snacks isn’t really a long term plan in my opinion. I’m doing 16:8 myself, which is a really simple, but effective plan, which is supposed to be quite good for stabilising blood sugar levels, so might work for you?

Oh and join one of the chats on the weightloss forum. It’s a great way to stay motivated and sometimes it just really helps to know that you’re not alone in finding it difficult to stick to a diet 🤗

Sorry this is so long, but I hope there’s something in here that is of some use. Good luck!

Aquamarine1029 Thu 25-Jul-19 16:33:49

Diets aren't going to help you. Only a shift in your thinking and an understanding of why you overeat will. What are your triggers? Are you an emotional eater, or do you eat because you're bored? How much are you really eating? Are you conscious of your actual portion sizes?

Tabitha005 Thu 25-Jul-19 16:45:44

I hear you. For me, one of the biggest changes in my mental processing when it comes to food was taking up yoga. I had/have very little willpower to resist food (savoury, salty things, especially), and I had no stamina for exercise initially, which really disheartened me.

But, yoga very quickly increased my strength and flexibility, and it's becoming a way for me to change my entire attitude to food one day at a time (which is also key - you simply cannot combat food addiction overnight).

Becoming physically stronger is making me mentally stronger - and more readily able to resist the temptation of the wrong kinds of food, less likely to over-eat and better able to think clearly about my long-term goals.

For me (and everyone is different) improving my bodily strength and flexibility was the key to living a healthier life.

Hitmonlee Thu 25-Jul-19 16:55:51

I was there 13 months ago. 9 stone overweight and even my mum dying of complications from diabetes hadn’t spurred me on to lose the weight. Although over the years I had tried every diet going

Today I have less than a stone left to lose. For me what worked was not seeing it as a diet but overhauling the way I looked at food. I use MFP but I eat 1900 cals a day and always allow 200 of them to be for treats. ( usually malteasers 😊) this stops me from having a fuck it I’m going to eat everything mentality

I hated the idea of exercise but started walking. It’s a mile to our local shopping centre so I always walked there and back every day even if was just to buy apples. After 3 stone I joined our local gym but only used the pool. I was rubbish at swimming to start with and could only do a few lengths now I do a mile in 47 mins. Still slow but I’ve persevered. Don’t be afraid to exercise no one looks at you.

For the last stone I’ve got serious and gone to the gym with a PT.

You can do it but you have to stop thinking of it as a diet just a few tweaks to your lifestyle. I never thought I could do it or that I would learn to love exercising. The advice I always give is find something you love to do and it makes it easier to keep it up. I hate running so know i’d never have got this far if I’d started running.

bigfatlump Thu 25-Jul-19 17:29:08

Thank you so much for the replies. I think the reason I overeat is habit and boredom. I used to have the excuse that the 'bad' things were in the house because of the kids, but they've grown up and left now so that's no excuse. I don't know the 16:8 diet - a friend does the 5:2 but I know I wouldn't survive on 500 calories a day, certainly not to begin with.
Hitmonlee my mother too is severely disabled due to diabetes and my sister has it too so I am aware of the threat, but even that doesn't seem to work for me.

OK. Tomorrow I am going to start. 7lb to begin with, and this time I'm going to do it. Just knowing others have been there and got over it is a help. Thank you. I'll repost when I have reached 7lb loss, that might help keep me motivated.

OP’s posts: |
3dogs2cats Sat 27-Jul-19 11:49:12

@Hitmonlee what brilliant advice, and everyone else. I don’t know if I can help with advice. Because I am only just beginning to sort my weight out and of course could fail again.
I do think you need to forgive yourself for becoming overweight.
Lots of stuff led to this, andiit will maybe take lots of small changes to fix it. . I am using MFP and get 1800 calories. I am upping my activity levels every week. Much less time sitting about snacking, I walk, I swim, yoga, now this week started slowly with the gym and a personal trainer.
I need to lose 35 kilos, but what is encouraging is that 3 kilos made a big difference to how I felt, much easier to put on socks and wipe my bum, clothes fit better and knees hurt less. That was 2 weeks of quite modest changes.. I’ve lost 5.5 kilos now, in about 6 weeks and honestly I feel great, dont hate myself anymore, I feel proud. So can you.

mama4321 Sun 28-Jul-19 17:44:12

I know it's not for everyone but don't discount 5:2. I am finding it very good because it's just one day at a time' There's always the thought that "today may be hard but tomorrow I can have........", and once the weight starts shifting it is a huge motivation to continue. I find that now, after a few weeks I am much more careful about what I eat on "feast days". I make much better choices and enjoy what I eat much more so the lifestyle change element is definitely there too. Good luck.

Joyfulincolour Sun 28-Jul-19 17:57:33

Hi OP. I’m in a similar position to you. I’ve previously lost 3-4 stones years ago but now need to lose 5-6 stones but even losing 1 or 2 stones would probably reduce my tiredness, back ache and knee pain. I’m also fed up of not finding any nice clothes this summer, as my size 22/24 body doesn’t look great in the dresses I want to wear. I joined SW 3 weeks ago but I’ve only been back once. I’m also contemplating joining a gym to go swimming / do yoga as these are the only 2 things that have either been successful for weight loss (swimming) or helped with my back (yoga). I know exactly what I need to do but I just can’t seem to do it. You’ve inspired me to work out a meal plan for this week. How are you getting on?

bigfatlump Mon 29-Jul-19 18:23:50

Joyfulincolour - I am back to MFP calorie counting but also trying the 16:8 - I'd never heard of it but willing to try anything and it's not proving quite as difficult as I thought it would be but it's early days, I'll weigh myself on Saturday and see how I've got on - good luck with your journey flowers

OP’s posts: |
Laura221 Mon 29-Jul-19 19:55:07

No advice really, but just wanted to say good luck! You'll be hitting your 7lb target in no time x

SabineUndine Mon 29-Jul-19 20:00:51

Have sent you a DM.

Emmie412 Tue 30-Jul-19 15:17:33

I am not hugely overweight but feel unfit and flabby. I have successfully dieted before, last time two years ago when I followed MFP and ran, and managed to nearly get to my goal weight. I thought at the time that since it was so hard, I would not get into that situation again where such boring diets were required... guess what. Am back to what I was before I went on a diet. Sigh.

This time I am trying a slightly different approach. I am changing one thing at a time so that it forms a habit before moving on to the next goal. So for example....

Quite some time ago I weaned myself off sugar in my tea. Used to have two spoons per cup, slowly reduced it to 1,5 spoons on week 1, then 1 spoon on week 2, then half a spoon week 3 etc.

At Easter I finally kicked my Coke Zero addiction by replacing it with tea for the caffeine fix and sparkling water. I realised the sweeteners were making me hungry and it felt somewhat childish to be so addicted to it. I have not had a single drop of coke zero since, and it does not bother me if someone drinks it/it is in the house.
I am still amazed I managed to do this.

Five weeks ago I also quit drinking alcohol. I was tired of feeling tired, bloated and old. I didn't like the way I felt I needed it in order to relax/de-stress, was unable to have just the one glass and there were more days in the week when I had wine than I didn't. After a particularly heavy week away for work and meeting friends, I felt utterly rubbish. So, I quit. Low and behold, had a holiday away (not a drop), have had friends over (not a drop), husband still has wine, G&T etc while I have replaced this with other drinks. In order to develop the habit of not needing any, I have had lovely Fentiman's, ginger beer, tonic water etc. instead. Now these obviously come with sugar so that hasn't been good for the waistline so am now in the process of changing these to sparkling water and herbal tea. I find that I have more energy, my eyes are no longer puffy and I have more willpower. Those times when I feel like I miss it, I just remind myself that the high does not last long and the low lasts considerably longer. Obviously it also helps to read up on other people's experiences, the benefits etc.

So now am looking into improving my diet and portion control part. I don't think my diet is particularly unhealthy but I do have a fondness for things like crisps and dips and a bad habit for having seconds/big portions.

I am still a bit undecided what my next habit goal should be - at some point I think I should try and develop a habit of not having seconds.

The whole point what I am trying to make is that I need to form better habits, one at a time. Diets are grim because suddenly there are so many things you cannot do or have, and I think I have ended up getting flabby again because once the diet is over the bad habits slowly but surely take over again.

In any case, I have started doing MFP again with a view of aiming for filling, protein and nutrient dense foods within my calorie allowance as obviously will need to be in calorie deficit to loose this flab, hopefully this time for good.

magbob Tue 30-Jul-19 15:29:18

Some fantastic advice already given in this thread. All I can add is not to call your meals a 'diet'. It automatically gives connotations of being deprived of something. Instead make changes you'll still enjoy. I love 0% fat Greek yoghurt with fruit so I make sure I always have that in so I look forward to dessert. I look forward to porridge with fruit for breakfast and I always have nuts at 10.00. I use the hairy dieters cook books, had enchiladas for tea last night that were scrummy. I walk 10 000 steps a day and now I've lost the excess weight I don't worry about the odd cream tea or domino's pizza. Be selfish, fill the cupboards with things that you enjoy such as chocolate rice cakes and that way you always have something close by to eat that won't make you feel guilty. Don't diet, just make changes that you are happy to maintain. Best of luck x

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