Dieting/healthy eating while feeling miserable - tips

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

As title says really, looking for tips/inspiration/advice.

I've just had a miscarriage (surgical management last week) so feeling "down" to say the least. I was fatter than I'd like before I got pregnant and wished I'd sorted it before conceiving, now of course I'm left with an extra band of pregnancy weight around my belly and none of my old clothes fit but I really can't wear my maternity trousers .

On top of this my DP is having a flare up of his chronic condition and can hardly walk so is miserable too and can't take me out/distract me which is what I'd really like. And my mum just had a stroke and is refusing to take her blood thinners which is causing me a lot of stress. I know, woe is me!

In my head I know I want to use the next few months before I (hopefully, hopefully) conceive again to lose the weight or I'll just pile more fat on top of this but tbh I also have a strong feeling of not giving a shit about anything . I look at a choc ice and think why the fuck not, how can it make things any worse? At the moment I'm just trying to eat healthy and cut down on snacks but I wonder if the discipline of doing something stricter might help? Or it might just mess me up further?

Please help, I hate being fat, and I know in the long term it's just making me more miserable

[ChocOrCheese]

I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage, and all the other problems piled on top. You need to be kind to yourself right now - but try to keep in mind that giving in to the choc ice is not necessarily being kind.

Only you know if the discipline of being stricter would help - but given that you are aiming to conceive again, maybe being strictly super-healthy would inspire you? But try to make it nice as well. So instead of just bunging apples in the fruit bowl go out of your way to get really nice fruit and have lovely fruit salads with a dollop of yogurt on top. If you like things like smoked salmon, splash out on that occasionally.

And do try to get some exercise in - even if it's just walks in the fresh air. Exercise really does lift the mood.

Hugs.

[Coop14]

Sounds like you are going through a difficult time so don't be too hard on yourself. Put the choc ice down and start small like have a walk, feel the sun on your face. Once you start to feel your spirits lifting then the rest will follow. Hope you have close family and friends who you can talk too as well, maybe they could join you in some exercise makes it more fun. Good luck! Let us know how you get on. I've just started doing a bit of walking myself its helped me for both mental wellbeing and loosing a few pounds xx

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

Thanks both. ChocOrCheese you are totally right about the choc ice not being kind, tbh I think it's more like a mild form of self harm . Exercise is definitely good. Unfortunately Coop14 I don't really have many friends and family to talk to about things - it was only DP and one friend who lives abroad who knew about the pregnancy. I really want a hug from my mum but can't tell her - partly because of the stroke but also because she would be HUGELY annoying if she knew we were TTC and I couldn't cope with that in the long term. DP has his own problems right now so we are arguing as much as we are talking.

Anyway, I guess the way forward is to keep up with the exercise (I love running and have just started a pilates class also), steer clear of sugar and alcohol to the extent that I possibly can and hope things get better with time.

Thanks again for the supportive messages.

[3dogs2cats]

Hi just wanted to commiserate, think you have had good advice. It’s really shit to be last place in the life is crap stakes when you have just miscarried.
I do think though that these are the times that can be turning points. You will always remember this time. And maybe this will be for you, to lose the weight, and improve your chances. Maybe you also need to look at making friends and finding some outlets because it sounds like you have ongoing caring responsibilities. Onwards and upwards my dear.

[RoseyPeas]

Really sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time.
For me writing a diary helps. I think sometimes just acknowledging that it IS such a hard time helps. And I tell myself that I'm a hero if I manage any little victory over food

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

Thank you 3dogs2cats and RoseyPeas. Kind words really do help. Yes, a diary might be a good idea. And it is good to celebrate the small victories. Eating/drinking hasn't been going too well in the last day or so (well, I've been eating healthy food, but just too much) but I've been going for lots of runs so that's good. Today I want to concentrate on not eating after dinner (and not staying up crazy late thinking bad thoughts while I eat). Thanks again 🙂

[AgnesNutterWitch]

I am so sorry for everything you're going through. I think only you know what will work but I honestly believe that the important thing is to be kind to yourself. Any lifestyle changes should be with the view of doing something positive for yourself, rather than depriving yourself.

Maybe start looking at ways you can improve your wellness. For example, cutting out things that generally make you feel sluggish/horrible, like starchy carbs, alcohol, processed foods, sugary drinks etc. And focus on finding lovely new healthy, tasty recipes, full of things that make you feel nourished and healthy.

And get out and get moving, at least once a day. Nothing punishing. Take long walks and listen to your favourite podcasts. Enjoy the summer. Do some gentle yoga stretches every day. Move on to more strenuous stuff when you feel ready.

Your body is an amazing thing. It will heal and bounce back, just treat it well and don't put pressure on yourself or come at this from a place of self loathing. If you make small positive changes, the weight will start to come off before you know it. You have time - be kind to yourself.

[RoseyPeas]

@WantLifeToBeBetter
Did you manage not eating after dinner yesterday? I had a h-b egg later but that is huge progress for me!
I heard a podcast recently that says that weight loss starts with self care. So I have bought a cheap facial oil and apply it every night, and making sure I look after my body a bit more generally. Then apparently the desire to eat well just becomes another part of the self care.
I don't know if it will work but I feel better about myself. I also write down what self care I have done - I include everything even remotely positive (eg brush and floss teeth).
You have taken a positive step posting about it.

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

Thanks AgnesNutterWitch I think that's good advice.

RoseyPeas - I did manage the no snacking after tea yesterday so very pleased with that . Going to try for that again today and also no sugar. How are you getting on? I don't suppose you remember the name of that podcast as I think it would be good to listen to.

[RoseyPeas]

@WantLifeToBeBetter
Well done for not snacking . Today is day 3 for me and I'm beginning to feel smug .
The podcast is Weight solutions for physicians. (I'm not a doctor but wanted to make sure I'm finding good quality advice). It was definitely one of the early episodes - I think it is episode 3 How to live a low carb lifestyle "interview with Dr Miriam".
Good luck for today x

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

I just found them - thanks .

Well done for the last 2 days and good luck for today too!

[3dogs2cats]

My breakfast today was a thousand calories!
Was a 16th birthday on, so not standard for our house, but bloody hell. Then I had a leftover pain au raisin for lunch. 500 calls left for dinner,that will be a slice of birthday cake then.

[RoseyPeas]

Thanks WantTo.
I'm home alone at the moment which is a typical time for me to overeat. So far I have managed not to!
Hope your day is going well

[gotmychocolateimgood]

Sorry for your loss OP. Could you focus on nourishing your body rather than punishing it with junk? So find foods you enjoy that are wholesome and full of goodness. Fresh fruit, salads with oily fish or lean meat, etc?

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

I hope today is going better 3dogs2cats - don't let one "cake day" throw you off track! And I hope you are continuing to stick at it RoseyPeas - smug is good!

Thank you for your support gotmychocolateimgood

I had what I will euphemistically call an "imperfect day" yesterday. I won't go in to details but regret it today so trying to use that as motivation to do better today. Unfortunately I have to spend most of it as a passenger on a car journey so I dont think I'll manage to avoid snacking all together but have had a lovely aubergine salad so far and have hb eggs and apples at the ready..

[3dogs2cats]

Hope it was a good day for people. I had pudding , chocolate cake and icecream. And it was really good, but took me over my calories. A month ago, I would have eaten twice as much though, so I am a work in progress.

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

We're all a work in progress 3dogs2cats . I stayed off the booze for the first time in about 2 weeks yesterday so feeling pretty good about myself this morning

[gotmychocolateimgood]

Well done OP!

[RoseyPeas]

Yes that's a huge success OP. Well done!
Yes, I'm continuing to stick at it - though a little less smug as real life returns

[RoseyPeas]

OP how did you do yesterday?

[WantLifeToBeBetter]

Thank you chocolate and Rosey. I'm now on day 3 of no alcohol and day 2 of reasonably structured and healthy eating. I don't want to give up the drink completely (like it too much) but it has become too much of a crutch and is also driving a wedge between me and DP (who can't drink for health reasons).

Rosey I think the key (not that I've ever completely succeeded at it) is riding the wave of success/smugness while you can, but not getting so completely sucked in that a blip will throw you off course. Anyway, glad things are going well for both of us, long may it continue

[RoseyPeas]

@WantLifeToBeBetter
How are you doing? Have you stayed off booze? That's such a great start. I'm keeping up with my self care efforts, which has had a huge effect on my mood. It really helped me change from dreading meeting people who I hadn't seen in a while,.and "I'm overweight so there's no point in making an effort" to feeling optimistic about my life and making tiny improvements to make me healthier. Hope you're doing well.