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I was asked the dreaded question

(37 Posts)
myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:21:27

Hi all. Yesterday was my birthday and we went out for a walk around a NT property. I was wearing a summer dress from last year and I know I've put on a few pounds but was utterly horrified to be asked by this lady 'when is your baby due'. I have been trying to see the funny side but keep going over and over it in my head. I guess I need a kick up the backside but at 5,4 and 13 stone I didn't think it was that bad. I think I just need to vent but I also want to know where to start. I've done slimming world in the past and lost 3 stone but I know a lot of people who struggle to keep it off.

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Snog Mon 22-Apr-19 09:23:05

It's not funny and people shouldn't make this kind of comment. So rude.

myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:28:49

Hi snog thanks for your reply. I did think it was really rude as, to be honest I have seen worse than me and never would've dreamt to say that to them but I just can't stop thinking is that what everyone thinks when they look at me. I'm trying to think well it was my birthday so maybe it happened to give me a kick up the backside but it really played on my mind in what was a lovely day with my family.

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AuntieStella Mon 22-Apr-19 09:28:58


I was very overweight and in massive denial about it for years. And I'd had loads of false starts in tackling it.

The things I found that really helped were:
a) using My Fitness Pal (unfortunately the old version which was much less cluttered is no longer available). I feared that logging food would not I've t all the wr No focus, but found in practice it didn't
b) measuring everything for the first couple of weeks, then measuring frequently after that. (And checking with pasta if they mean the dry or cooked weight, as the difference if you get it wrong is huge)
c) finding a pattern of eating I've the day that works for you - I really don't eat breakfast for example, despite thousands of articles saying that you should.
d) realise that feeling hungry for a little while before a meal is both normal and appropriate
e) join a MN diet chat thread - there's usually one on the go, and even though I'm not the best contributor to those kinds of threads, it really helped me

Once I'd made good progress on the weight loss, I knew I needed to tone up. That's when C25K came in

SherlockHolmes Mon 22-Apr-19 09:36:23

At your weight and height you fall into the obese category, so thinking that's OK is probably not a good place to start.

Being obese carries huge health risks, as well as your concerns over how you appear.

I'm not judging, I'm overweight too, but I think it's your assumption that it's ok which is worrying.

myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:37:50

Thank you Auntie I was wondering about going back to slimming world but I think I got very disillusioned with it. Also I'm on Sertraline for anxiety and have endometriosis so I don't think that helps. I just can't stop thinking about what that bloody woman said!

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myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:38:55

So what are you doing about it then Sherlock. I'm not obese!

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myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:39:43

And I once weighed more than I do now but never had anyone say that to me.

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Greyeye Mon 22-Apr-19 09:41:09

Oh god, poor you.

I went to get my hair cut and it was a small salon.

The hairdresser said very loudly "Ooh, I've only just noticed your bump!". Everyone heard. I said "I'm not pregnant". Then, she said, "Oh, it's just a muffin top!". I wanted to die!

I found lots of exercise and cutting out eating between meals helped.

AuntieStella Mon 22-Apr-19 09:42:45

By BMI, you almost certainly are. I'm a good couple of inches taller than you, and tip into the NHS definition of obese at about 13 stone. I was quite a bit more than that at my heaviest. As I said, I was also deeply in denial for quite a time too.

Don't get bogged down in definitions, you've accepted that you are too heavy and you want to do something about it. Don't let yourself get sidetracked!

myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:43:28

Oh god greyeye that's really bad. It's awful that people think they can just say that.

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myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:45:50

I did see that myself yesterday but I'm not sure I trust those because my friends brother is down as overweight when he is actually quite slim. But yes I've known I need to do something as I feel really uncomfortable and unfit. I don't think I sleep particularly well and my knees hurt but we have joined NT so we can get out and about more. It's just so weird this happened on my birthday of all days!!

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Greyeye Mon 22-Apr-19 09:50:05

It was horrendous. No tip for her and I never went back.

myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 09:51:40

Ha ha. How did you move on from it though like I just keep dwelling on it now.

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gingerfreckles Mon 22-Apr-19 09:54:23

Hi OP I'm in the same boat as you. I've recently had two different people as me if I was pregnant sad. It's quite upsetting I'm a stone overweight and nearly three stones over my previous weight. I'm also on meds for my mental health that I'm sure has an impact. But more that than since I've really realised the weight gain recently I'm so sad about it I've started comfort eating which only makes it worse.
I joined SW last week but that seems such a mind field I'm not really sure what's next.

Chocmallows Mon 22-Apr-19 09:54:47

I lost 4 stone many years ago and kept 3 off. I would say rather than force yourself onto a dreaded new diet or damage joints with sudden high exercise (like torture!), which is not sustainable, maybe look at what you already do well and try to increase that. Slowly keep increasing good habits and do not give up when you have moments of eating more unhealthy food - we all need hot chocolate and ice cream at some point!

1) You were walking the other day, can you walk in the evening for 20-30 minutes (hills near you, put strap on weights around ankles)?

2) Pilates classes or videos are good for flexibility and can make you feel better too. They can motivate more movement in the future and are less likely to cause injury. I try to 'roll-down' most days as it's great for my weak back.

3) Think about the healthy food you like and swamp your cupboards with those. My favourites are eggs (v filling and versatile) dark chocolate (lindt - small amount can feel like more), fruit washed and in fridge in bowls so a snack option. Seeded wraps rather than bread. Filling food - brown pasta with lots of veggies and passata and only sprinkle cheese on top. Keep crisps or whatever is your weakness out of the house or in tall shelf.

It takes willpower, but less if it can fit in your regular life I think.

whiskeysourpuss Mon 22-Apr-19 10:08:21

OP I'm the same height & weight as you & although the BMI shite puts me at obese because my weight distributes itself evenly & I dress for my figure I don't look it or feel it!

My goal weight is 11st which still puts me at overweight on the BMI but any less than this & I look awful... all drawn in face & pointy elbows hmm

I can lose the weight easily if I'm in the right I'm doing it frame of mind - cutting out crap & a brisk 5 mile walk every day is enough for me to get down to target in about 8-10 weeks.

As for the pregnant comment... you just have to let go of that & if you want to do something about your weight do it.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Mon 22-Apr-19 10:09:02

well, I'd ditch that bloody dress for a start!!

I am overhauling fitness and fatness just now and have been at it since New Year, so pretty proud of myself tbh!

I do not weigh but have definitely firmed up and lost weight from my middle mainly by eating less (yes that old chestnut) basically still eating what the hell I like, but smaller portions. AND C25K-ing on a cross trainer in the shed

tbh that has been the main motivation, you do see results really quite fast, shape and stamina. I am no longer falling out of bras, I can wear the smaller jeans without having to feel cut in half if I breathe and the midriff is definitely smaller.

I am redoing the C25K on harder settings and aiming to improve "distance" on the readout
The aim is to do a park run at some point! And not be a fat 55 year old, 18months to go!

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Mon 22-Apr-19 10:11:34

main motivation BECAUSE you do see results. ...not proof reading!

EstuaryBird Mon 22-Apr-19 10:19:38

This happened to me last year. DP and I shared a table with a nice couple at a Cafe, when DP went to get some shopping I said I’d wait at cafe as my ankle was swollen and painful (I’d sprained it).

The lady obviously put 2 and 2 together, big belly, swollen ankles, and asked the dreaded question.....I was devastated, felt like getting up and walking away........then it dawned on me that I was 63! I played along with it because she was a really sweet lady, ‘last chance’ baby etc etc.

When DP came back she congratulated him.......he thanked her, no idea what she was on about, he thought she was congratulating him for getting some shopping. He laughed like a bloody drain when I told him but he does keep saying to me ‘haven’t you had that baby yet’ and it’s getting tedious now...

But.....I was 63, SIXTY THREE grin grin grin

myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 10:41:18

That's a brilliant story I love that! I'm not ditching the dress though because it looked nice last year and it makes my boobs look really good grin. No I think what she said upset me because I know it's true and when I've lost the belly the dress will look nice.

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JohnMcCainsDeathStare Mon 22-Apr-19 10:50:05

I'd be wary of SW what with horrors such as diet coke chicken and fat free sugar laden crap. I cannot see eye to eye with any slimming plan which demonised avocado and dates and pays no attention to off scale victories. I would log your food and educate yourself on nutrition - change your diet in small steps at a time.

Starlive23 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:04:12

God, I've had it too OP it's utterly horrifying isn't it? So awkward! I actually lied and said I was pregnant because the lady caught me so off guard!

myusernameisnotmyusername Mon 22-Apr-19 11:17:27

Oh poor you. I was really shocked but just said erm, I'm not pregnant! It was really awkward. I have the MFP app and my boss has lost a lot of weight through doing that and exercise so I'm going to do that. I found at SW they're so congratulatory when you're doing well but not very supportive if your not and I don't trust the 'free' allowances of pasta and rice and potatoes.

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CatherineMaitland Mon 22-Apr-19 11:51:01

What an incredibly rude thing for them to say.

"So what are you doing about it then Sherlock. I'm not obese!" I say this kindly - I am the same height and was exactly the same weight as you, and while I didn't feel obese, I absolutely was. Well into the red part of the chart. It's only now that I've lost 3 and a bit stone that I can see how overweight I was. I look at older pictures now and feel I looked swollen - but I genuinely couldn't see it at the time.

As for losing that weight, I did it by sticking to a calorie limit using MFP/measuring portions and buying a cheap fitness tracker and ensuring I did 10k steps most days. It meant I could still have the occasional treat too. It took a year to lose most of it (and I would love to just lose another 5kg even so...). My motivation was to be able to fit into an old outfit for a friend's wedding - and a defined goal definitely helped. I also broke the total down into smaller goals.

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