I have name changed because I’m about to share details that I have never spoken about out loud before.
I am 46 and class 2 obese with about 4 stone to lose. My story doesn’t really matter, although it is much the same as anyone else who has followed a binge-diet cycle for 30 years.
The fact is, I LIKE shit food. Sugar and carbs give me a deep-down purr of bliss, contentment and well-being that nothing can match. Without it life rumbles along fine, but I feel empty and irritable and gloomy and I get terrible IBS symptoms when I’m eating properly. It’s not even the act of eating it – eating it is good, yes, but the THOUGHT of eating it, of having the choice and space to eat it without judgement (i.e in secret), is even better. Like downing a glass of cool water when you’re desperately thirsty, in over 30 years I have found nothing that beats the absent pleasure of it.
I need to find something to replace the high that it gives me – that’s obvious to me without a £60 per hour therapist. Obviously I have lost weight through diet and exercise a hundred times before, but I haven’t dealt with the need to get lost in the comfort and the buzz of eating the food so it always comes back.
I don't enjoy being fat and it irks me that my problem is plastered all over me for everyone to see - I'd prefer to be slim and fit of course. But I quite like myself as a person, I'm all right I think, even if I am fat. I had a health check recently and all is well, I am not pre-diabetic and cholesterol and pressure is low. I don't have any joint or mobility issues, my only health problem is chronic migraine.
I can diet, I know what to do and the mechanics/biology of weight loss. But it won't work unless I can stamp down the yearning for a high.
Has anyone achieved it? None of the definitions I have read around "food addiction", binge-eating disorder, and so on, seem to fit what I do.
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I get a physical high from eating shit food
141 replies
Elephantina · 29/11/2018 17:47
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