I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

[Lottapianos]

Well done OP. I think a lot of women spend their whole lives 'on a diet' - denying themselves, punishing themselves, feeling miserable, trying not to think about food, saying they're 'naughty' for having a piece of cake or whatever. It's a bloody miserable way to live. You're treating yourself like a naughty child all the time. There is a huge amount of freedom and liberation in giving yourself permission to make sensible choices around food. Food is something that should be enjoyed and celebrated, not used as a stick to beat yourself

Your two new 'rules' sound very sensible and involve thinking about your health, rather than your size. And starting to trust yourself in relation to food and your appetite. It takes practice but well done for making a start

[Sweetheart]

Thanks Lotta,

You are so right about the liberation - last week when I made this decision I literally felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The thought that I could have whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it (so long as I am hungry) made me want to cry tears of happiness!

And I found that by eating what I wanted at lunchtime I was fully satisfied until dinner - instead of being starving all afternoon and wondering what else I could eat to fill me up for the least amount of calories!

[Lottapianos]

'And I found that by eating what I wanted at lunchtime I was fully satisfied until dinner '

There you go. Listen to your body, trust your own appetite, try to let go of what you think you 'should' and 'shouldn't' be eating and you will feel much better and less stressed.

[Sweetheart]

I hope so - I really hope this is an entirely new lease of life. The thing I ate for lunch I would NEVER normally have eaten as I would have considered it to be "bad". I've eaten it for lunch every day since

[Pashazade]

Sweetheart it sounds like you've been reading "Intuitive Eating"? If you haven't then do you'll find it confirms your new theory nicely! Good luck with being friends with food again 

[Nospringchickendipper]

I used to diet all the time , not really achieving anything. I think the most important thing you can do is recognise what hunger actually is, which is difficult if you've been dieting a long time

I found diets made me think of food all the time. What I was going to eat ,what had just eaten,denying myself of food

Once you stop dieting and eat what you like you will find a lot of the time you don't really want it. Eat when you are hungry and stop when you begin to feel satisfied. It takes a while but you can do it. Good luck.

[Thebluedog]

I did this a couple of months ago, and actually found that the things I craved, I wasnt that bothered about if I allowed myself to have them. As a result i binge ate for a while and then just ate what I wanted when i wanted, as it turned out, I haven’t actually put any weight on. So all these months that I’ve been depriving myself of good and then slipping up have been a waste of time as I’ve stayed the same weight without the worry or hassle or guilt

[hippipotamiwantstoloseapound]

I want to do this too! I have spent most of the past 20 years counting calories and bemoaning my weight.

I am currently half way between my ideal weight and my heaviest. But try as I might, for the past 2 years I have not been able to move back towards my ideal weight and have instead falling into a pattern of either binge eating or sucking on a lettuce leaf.

I am so fed up!

I agreed with a friend from work to start Slimming World with her. We were supposed to start Tuesday. She started. I can't get on board with the fat replacements and low fat yoghurts. It is so chemical-laden and unnatural to me.

My dh and dc are all naturally slim. They don't snack unless at a social occasion. They eat when they are hungry.
I eat of out boredom. I eat when I am tired. I eat when I am happy. I eat when I am sad. I eat when I enjoy the taste of something, and even when I don't like the taste....

My relationship with food is unhealthy...

[Sweetheart]

Pashazade, I haven't read that book but perhaps I should

The bluedog - I can use you as my inspiration - I really hope that once I get control of this I won't stack the weight on. I really need to learn to listen to my body / hunger and quick!

Hippie - I am in the same place as you - pretty much halfway between my lightest and heaviest. Come with me and give it a go - I'd love the company What have you got to loose?

[Pashazade]

Sweetheart I'm reading it atm (albeit in fits and starts) but I feel like I need to get a handle on how and why I eat. I need to sort my head out and going on a diet won't do that!

[Sweetheart]

I've downloaded it

[SuzeD29]

Just jumping on to say this is what I've been doing for the last few months and so far I've lost 12lb 😊

I've tried sooooo many diets! SW, WW, slimfast, Herbalife, low carb etc etc. Always felt deprived but I don't anymore, just making an effort to move more and not to binge

[Sweetheart]

Suze this is music to my ears. How long did it take you to adjust to "normal" eating do you think? What changes have you made....and how much cake do you eat lol

[ohnonotyetplease]

I am very moved by your post. You could be speaking for me too... It's not too dramatic to say it's quite a brave-feeling decision to take.
I've realised recently that at no point over the years I've spent dieting - and restricting and measuring and confessing and resenting and feeling guilty - has the content of my character changed and the loved ones in my life are there for something other than my fairly mediocre appearance...
Anyway. More power to you xx

[SuzeD29]

@Sweetheart I had cake for breakfast and lunch on Saturday as it was my daughters birthday 😂😂😂

Didn't take long at all really, I just decided not to cut foods out anymore. So instead of depriving myself of choc and then binging on a massive bar or 2 and feeling guilty I'll buy a multipack of say twixs and share them out between myself and kids and worked out I'm actually consuming a lot less as I'm not craving it because it isn't 'banned' 😊

[NecklessMumster]

I think this is the message of 'Fat is a Feminist Issue' ? Learning to listen to your body?

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

I’ve started doing this too the last few days. I’ve known this is what I should be doing all year, but actually started this week without even thinking about it this week. Good luck!

[IDrinkAndISewThings]

Have a look at RebelFit on Facebook, Liam Sartorius. I've been a slimming group dieter for about 15 years off and on and so much of what he's saying makes sense to me. I'm now trying to not give a shit about what I eat, and increase my activity levels.

[Sweetheart]

I'm feeling inspired by the levels of positivity here so far! I really really hope this works out. I will get if I end up packing the weight on!

[hippipotamiwantstoloseapound]

Sweetheart, I am with you!

[Sweetheart]

So I thought I would share yesterday's confusion for anyone interested.

Habitually for a long time during the week I haven't eaten breakfast until 11am - primary reasons have been to allow an intermittent fasting period between previous evening and breakfast and also to push back breakfast later in the day to stop me getting hungry later on in the afternoon too early. BOTH diet related issues!

So yesterday out of habit I didn't eat my breakfast until 11am - I was a bit hungry before this and by my own new rules I should have eaten earlier - but I didn't......habits are a bitch to break!

This resulted in me not being hungry for lunch until about 3pm.......which then resulted in me not really being hungry for dinner at all.

So by this new theory - does this mean I shouldn't have eaten dinner at all.....missed a meal (heaven forbid!!!!)

I have 2 kids and a dh who also need feeding so we ended up eating dinner at about 7.30 / 8pm, despite not really being hungry......of course I still ate the whole plate (something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to change).

Only difference is I wasn't scratching around the house afterwards wondering what else I could eat......I did have a couple of small sweeties (it was Halloween after all!)

So this morning if I am hungry earlier than 11am I will endeavour to eat my breakfast which will be nice. I wonder how the rest of the day will pan out.

Anyone with thoughts on any of the above please share - especially those of you who don't diet - would love to hear your thoughts

For anyone wondering.....I've been doing this for just over a week now and so far no weight gain.

[Sweetheart]

Also something to share from yesterday - I was talking to a colleague who is currently on one of the well known diets - she is like me......has been on every diet you can think of over the years. She was telling me how she has lost 12ibs in the last 9 weeks and I felt instantly jealous because I want to be 12ibs lighter too. But I'm sticking to my guns and giving this a go.

[theodoracrainsgloves]

I've done the same thing after almost three decades of being off and on diets, OP. It's still early days, but I am revelling in how calm I feel now I'm not constantly obsessing about what I'm eating and how much I weigh.

You should read this blog by Isobel Foxen Duke. It's been the most helpful/invaluable thing I've read so far about getting your head around no longer dieting. She says one of the biggest issues people face when they give up dieting is that they still impose rules on themselves by trying to follow intuitive eating without really unpacking why they overeat in the first place. In fact, she says if you don't get to the root of the issues, all you're doing is putting yourself on the "hunger and fullness diet"! Her argument is that you are still "on the wagon" of controlling your weight with these new rules about when to eat and how - and if you put yourself on a wagon, you're bound to fall off it at some point. I'm probably not explaining it very well, but I really urge you to read it. Reading it was a real lightbulb moment for me!

[SuzeD29]

I skip the meals if I'm not hungry- for example Sunday morning I went for breakfast with a friend. Full English breakfast and a couple of pastries at 9am. I wasn't hungry again until 5 so had some branflakes and mixed nuts. I don't always need 3 meals a day

[itsboiledeggsagain]

I only eat when I am hungry and I do pusg back breakfast in the way you describe. I sometimes miss bfast totally and if it is more like 11am I have a much smaller bfast - apple or banana normally.

I do miss the lovely granola bfast I used to eat so sometimes have it as a treat. A heavy bfast doesn't make me feel good any more.

I had the same revelation as a previous poster about war what you want. I love sushi type food and got a new job in a big city with easy access to sushi and lovely cake shops. I said to myself that I could just have whatever I wanted (more of a cost issue) and sure enough after a while I lost interest.