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Why do I have no willpower?!

(30 Posts)
IncorrigibleTitmouse Fri 13-Jul-18 22:12:55

Unfortunately about 50lbs have crept on over the past 10 years. I’ve dropped 10-30lbs off and on over the years but those were during a miserable divorce, taking up smoking again (lost weight) then quitting (gained it all back) and other big events (pregnancy/PND).

I really need to lose that 50 and probably another 20 after that for my self esteem’s sake. My DH doesn’t help because he’s lovely and says he loves me regardless of my size (plus he is on the large side too but was already when we met whereas I wasn’t).

HOWEVER I derail myself. I have zero willpower, I find it really hard to discipline myself. Not just about this, about anything. I took up a class, found a ton of reasons not to go. Decided I needed to network more to grow at work, signed up for a bunch of events...but talked myself out of them. I’m definitely lacking in confidence but this needs to stop!

Anyone else been in the same boat and overcome it?

OP’s posts: |
Gemi33 Sun 15-Jul-18 09:10:53

I came on here to post something similar! I am the biggest I have ever been, feel miserable, so fed up of feeling awful about myself and have a holiday coming up in a few months and I don't want to look like this and yet I seem to have absolutely no willpower. I am constantly 'starting tomorrow' but never doing it, find excuses, convincing myself I can't do it and it is driving me mad. I desperately want to get my head in the right place and feel positive, motivated and inspired but it's not happening. I feel like if I could just get my head in the right place I could do it.

It makes no sense, I wish I knew what to suggest,


Itsear Sun 15-Jul-18 11:06:08

I am considering hypnosis as am also in the same boat.

Gemi33 Sun 15-Jul-18 12:03:41

It's so hard isn't it. I'm feeling really down today about how I look, I'm so self conscious. Can believe how huge I am sad

TheTroutofNoCraic Sun 15-Jul-18 13:20:51

If you drink alcohol, I suggest you stop. Since I quit drinking 3 months ago I have lost over a stone. I was 10.5 stone and 5ft 5", now am 9.5 stone, so I didn't have a massive amount of extra weight so imagine if you are carrying more extra weight that you will see faster/more extreme results.
Alcohol utterly sabotages any willpower and causes us not only to overeat but to store more energy as fat as the body prioritises getting rid of the toxin (alcohol) first...and for every unit of alcohol you drink in a sitting, the longer you put off burning food calories....resulting in more weight gain.

I have loads more energy and am exercising, which I could never really be arsed with before. Not having a constant low level hangover means I am not always topping up on fatty/carby food to alleviate the hangover thus finding it easier to resist eating things I don't need to eat.

TheTroutofNoCraic Sun 15-Jul-18 13:23:42

I have also lost a total of 3 stone 4lbs since March it was that stubborn last stone that I shifted through quitting booze.

Eesha Sun 15-Jul-18 13:49:34

I think you have to find what will really drive you. My friends used to be weight conscious and very strict with their food. I, on the other hand, was slack, just ate what I liked and nothing really made me get off my butt and do anything. Then my partner and I split after an emotionally abusive relationship and I took a long look at myself and realised I wanted to be the person I was before I met him, so about a stone lighter, glowing skin etc. When I really wanted it, I started to focus. 2l water a day, one main meal, no sweets or biscuits at home, and replaced most of my carbs with veggies. I then lost a stone in approx six weeks. I guess I’m saying you might not want it enough. I didn’t, until I felt so depressed and wanted to take some control back.

TheTroutofNoCraic Sun 15-Jul-18 13:58:23

Eesha : I completely agree with everything you have stated, especially this line: I guess I’m saying you might not want it enough. I drank quite a lot. Cognitive dissonance kept me drinking. Once I realised I was f**ked off not being able to get rid of the last stone, having shit skin and rosacea, being tired and depressed/anxious all the time, not being fully mentally and physically present for my child etc I knew I had to make a change.

You have to want it more than you want wine/snacks/'treats' etc. If you are at that stage of wanting change, put it into action and the rest will follow.

Gemi33 Sun 15-Jul-18 14:11:06

Thanks for the advice. I don't drink so that's not an issue for me. As far as the not wanting it enough I think this is where I'm struggling. I am really depressed, rock bottom. Also had a very painful break up recently. It's just for some reason, rather than motivating me I have gone the other way, it's like I just feel so low, like I've given up on myself and have no motivation to drag myself out of this mindset. I know it makes no sense.


Eesha Sun 15-Jul-18 14:20:25

Gemi, i also went through a split, but my ex was right out there dating as soon as split. He is very handsome so was inundated with dates even though he had a very dark side. Anyway, that was such a kick in the teeth for me that I could either stay depressed or do a beyonce and be the best I could be. That’s what also spurred me on.

TheTroutofNoCraic Sun 15-Jul-18 14:21:40

Gemi33 Awk, it's very hard when our confidence goes through the wringer. Just start with wee, manageable changes...make a commitment at the beginning of the week to do one small drop a snack per day, take a walk, use body lotion daily...whatever. Just some little self care step to slowly build your motivation up. It takes time to change a mindset and sometimes the easier, gentler route is best for us. Taking on too much change too quickly can burn you out.
Start small. Keep it simple. <3

IncorrigibleTitmouse Sun 15-Jul-18 14:29:24

No, I don’t really drink either. I have one glass of wine maybe once a week if that. My problem is that I have a large appetite, love to cook, love food and most of our social activities with friends and family are food focused.

I’m wondering why I’m the same with other things too (the course etc). I just give up straight away. I’m definitely not happy with myself

OP’s posts: |
Gemi33 Sun 15-Jul-18 15:51:54

I'm also really unhappy with myself so I sympathise. I've recently had a significant birthday (well significant to me) and I am single and really unhappy about where I am in my life. I feel terrible about how I look and generally feel unhealthy and it's a terrible feeling.


Eesha Sun 15-Jul-18 16:32:56

Start at the bottom and then the only way is up. When I started to see changes like clothes fitting slightly better, I felt real confidence boosts and it made me keep going. I’ve been in that same rut but you just have to think things get better. I did baby steps with my skin and hair and it’s amazing how that improves the self esteem. Ok yes I’m single out of choice, and my ex still has loads of women, but I’m sort of believing in myself more. Maybe have makeover or go through mumsnet weight loss pages or style and beauty. I truly believe little steps will get you where you want to be

trinity0097 Sun 15-Jul-18 16:34:33

Changed for me when I started doing low carb high fat, as I felt full so didn’t break the diet.

gluteustothemaximus Sun 15-Jul-18 16:47:50

My main problem with losing weight, is I 'deprived' myself of treats, and it never worked. The other thing I did, was have a few 'good' days, and then treats as a reward, and that never worked.

For weight loss, it really is as basic as eat less move more. But you HAVE to know what is going in.

This does mean weighing food as well. I lost 3 stone using MFP (but have just put 1/2 stone back on, as I have no willpower and stress is making me eat chocolate).

The way I did it was knowing 1lb of fat is around 3500 calories. To lose that per week, cut out 250 calories per day and exercise 250 calories per day. This, to me, was manageable.

It does take time, but you'll be losing it steadily and slowly, and more likely to stay off. Not only that, it becomes more of a lifestyle and easier to stick to. It's nice, because say you need 1800 calories a day, and you've have 1600 - you know you've got 200 left for something yummy (wine....) and I think that's important psychologically.

Anyway, what works for one, might not work for another. But that's how it worked for me.

Although I now need to take a leaf out of my own book, and lose that last stone. I hate it.

Good luck x

Beechview Sun 15-Jul-18 16:51:05

Eesha I love that phrase you used - be the best you can be.
I’d love to be the best I could be. That does include being a normal weight (as well as a few other things I could do)
I’m 2 stone overweight and I’ve also got a holiday booked in a few months to Italy.
We went to Italy last year too and I was the fattest person around most places. I was actually quite embarrassed. I know a lot of people say that Brits are fat when in Europe. I really don’t want to be that person. Or this person, I should say.

Eesha Sun 15-Jul-18 17:21:53

@beechview you can do it, make small steps. I looked at an older photo of me, maybe 4yrs, and my skin and hair looked so good, nails were polished, I was about a stone lighter, and I looked hot. Fast forward 4 years and my roots weren't even done, bare nails 'to let them breathe' etc. I know I'll never be a supermodel but I can make changes to be the best version of myself I can be

BarbaraWarpecker Sun 15-Jul-18 17:56:34

Explore what motivates you- intrinsic or extrinsic motivation??? An upcoming deadline of a holiday or just your own personal satisfaction.
Are you motivated by wanting to look good or wanting to be healthy? Or something else.
Think about whether you'd do better with a buddy, on your own or with a group?
I'm 51. On the first attempt of my life to lose weight. Motivation- I joined a sports club and am entering a competition. Have never been that interested in my appearance so improving my appearance has never been a motivator for me.

IncorrigibleTitmouse Sun 15-Jul-18 19:56:30

I think a big part of my issue is that DH says he thinks I look nice as I am, plus he’s a big eater and happy in his own skin, but I personally worry about our health long term. It’s tough when he brings home ice cream or fast food when I’ve started being good—I just have no willpower to say no! I think I do need to have a goal, for example booking a holiday for 6 months’ time for which I need to be at a certain weight.

I’ve been told lots of times that low carb is good but the last time I tried it worked out very expensive. I guess I build a lot of our meals around a starch (pasta, baked potatoes etc) for budgeting reasons.

OP’s posts: |
KateGrey Sun 15-Jul-18 19:59:08

We’ve had a bad year personally with our kids and family and I’ve piled on the weight by making awful food choices. I don’t drink. I’m embarrassed by myself. If you’d like a fitness buddy maybe we could pm each day?

Gemi33 Mon 16-Jul-18 13:28:41

I know the feeling, I haven't been well this year and work has been stressful, as well as a break up so I just feel really worn down. I'm so embarrassed and frustrated though, I don't understand if I'm that miserable why that's not motivation enough!

Kate - are you intending to follow a particular diet or plan?


KateGrey Mon 16-Jul-18 13:53:06

I’m going to do a VLCD. Bad I know and hard but I need to stop putting food in my mouth. The trouble I have is the more miserable I am, the more I eat.

Gemi33 Mon 16-Jul-18 14:25:57

That's what I wanted to do because I need to lose reasonably quickly to stay motivated - I ordered from Exante but the problem is every shake etc that I've tried I can't stand and makes me feel sick so haven't stuck to it at all.

Is it Exante you're doing? When did you start?


Gemi33 Mon 16-Jul-18 14:26:47

Oh and I'm exactly the same, eat when I'm miserable and unfortunately that's a lot at the moment!!

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