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How do I get back on track?

(4 Posts)
IWillWearTheGreenWillow Thu 21-Jun-18 06:57:58

I'm (only) overweight. On 24th March I was obese and on that date I cut out refined sugar and grains. By 10 June 1 had lost a stone, was well into the "only overweight" category and feeling good about my clothes fitting again and my body feeling more like mine. I could see the possibility of returning the healthy weight I was before five years of stressful shit, family bereavements (DF and DMIL), breakdowns (not mine), bullying (DCs), a hysterectomy etc and so forth added three stone to what I was carrying about.

As a bit of background, I was a plump child who preferred reading to running about. I know now that I was/am hypermobile which made movement more difficult and that didn't help. I inherited my DF's body shape and metabolism and was always going to struggle with my weight. My DM, on the other hand, has always been short and slight, until the menopause got her with a vengeance. She has always run on sugar and went for the loving support of biscuits and bread and butter in a big way. This is where I learned emotional eating.

Taking the sugar and grains out of my diet worked really well. I felt better, I slept better (except after alcohol... oops), my digestive system was much happier. It just suited me. Then, yesterday, I saw Mum.

She's pleased I'm losing weight. We were clearing bits of her house before she moves and I suggested she get rid of a dreadful publication called "Cooking to Make Kids Slim" which featured strongly in my childhood and mostly involved eating flavour-free cardboard. She explained she had bought it with the best of intentions, because she worried awfully that I was a fat child, and I'd done so well losing weight as a teenager and keeping it off for 20 years but "now of course, genetics have caught up with me" and I'm buggered.

I don't quite know where to put myself now. I fell into a vat of bread and butter and milk chocolate and wine last night, and I simply can't be bothered to control what I eat. What's the point? I'm destined to be fat. I look more and more likely my grandmother (DM's DM) who looked like a cottage loaf at the end of her life. My cousins all take after the other side of the family and are long and thin and beautiful (if rake-like). My sister is still the right side of 40 and is therefore still in her slim phase, although I suspect she'll end up the same shape as me.

How do I get back from this? It's not an excuse, but the next two weeks are incredibly complicated in a family sense (DH is away for some of it and I need a flow chart to make sure all DCs end up where they're meant to be) and DM still wants my support clearing the house. She has no idea I'm upset and I'd like to keep it that way, as the last time I broached something like this there was 6 months of fall out from which we still haven't quite recovered. There are also two birthdays which makes it very easy for me to "accidentally" eat cake or drink alcohol.

Please talk some sense into me. I don't have a great deal of will power or clarity of my own right now.

OP’s posts: |
OohOohMrPeevly Thu 21-Jun-18 07:43:01

I'm afraid I can't help you with any of the emotional stuff but if you do one thing only about this then stay away from the sugar. Just by cutting out sugar alone (and eating fairly normally elsewhere) I have dropped a stone and a half without too much effort at all. Sugar is the enemy to dieters - it makes you think you're hungry when you're not and you mistake sugar addiction for hunger. If you need to cut yourself some slack to get through the next couple of weeks then do it, but just stay off the sugar. Cutting out sugar has changed my life completely and I no longer struggle with my weight or appetite.

DianaT1969 Thu 21-Jun-18 08:10:21

You lost weight by cutting sugar and grains. So your rational mind knows this works. If your rational mind was in charge, you'd be goal weight within a couple of months.
Your emotional mind is hanging on to negative behaviours and the past. You feel doomed because some of your relatives didn't cut grains and sugars. That's their look out. You are an individual and responsible for your own body and choices. Let them rock on, but they don't define you.
If you forget the idea right now, that eating cake at someone else's birthday party is a form of treating yourself and being sociable, and instead see it as an intake of addictive poison, will you still go off piste? [Poison is a bit strong! But you don't think it's good for you, so going for drama smile].
Take the opportunity to be at your goal weight and maintain it. What you ate yesterday doesn't matter. Today onwards counts.

IWillWearTheGreenWillow Fri 22-Jun-18 06:44:32

Thank you, you're both right. My family history doesn't determine what I do. Yesterday was a much better day and I didn't fall into a vat of anything. Working at my desk, not the kitchen table, really helped too.

New mantras:
Sugar is poisonous and
My family history does not define me.

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