Struggling with diet due to dh

(19 Posts)
Nottsangel2015 Fri 11-May-18 10:39:37

So I'm trying to diet as have a few stone to lose, I'm unhappy with my size and I want to be healthier.

The problem is dh is sabotaging my diet choices.

I am the earner and dh is a sahd. As such he cooks dinner during the week.

When I'm at work I control what I eat and make good choices such as homemade Soup or salad for lunch, fruit and healthy snacks. However my dh will not take into account my diet for our main meal. He says why should him and the kids have to eat like they are on a diet. I.e we live on pasta in this house (dd2 a fussy eater and pasta is a fave, dh is Portuguese so again pasta a big staple for him) he will also pop to the shops to get his fags (don't ask that's a whole other subject!) and bring back chocolate or biscuits because he knows I like them and he thinks he is doing something nice for me but it is in fact just detailing my diet. When I've mentioned this to him re the chocolate and biscuits he says just don't eat them which is valid enough except I have zero control around them and just end up eating them.
We also have a weekly takeaway which I would like to cut out and make monthly but he is insistent we keep this 'treat' up as he and the kids like it and if I don't want it then don't have any. Again I have zero control and obviously eat it!
Weekday meals he cooks in fats never uses the fry light I brought as he prefers to use olive oil. Won't buy light cheese. Piles my plate up when I've repeatedly asked him not too. I would like to replace the carbs with a healthier alternative for me but he won't do it and won't make a separate portion for me (that's fair enough i don't expect him to make 2 meals)
Does anyone else have this with their dh? How do you get your diet to work in a house with a partner and kids who have no interest in eating healthier?

OP’s posts: |
Babieseverywhere Fri 11-May-18 10:52:43

Does your DH know how hard you are finding things because of his actions ? First thing to try is to sit him down and explain in as few words as possible what he is doing, how that makes you feel and what he could do to help.

If he continues to bring chocolate home put it in the bin straight away and tell him that was a waste of money.

Takeaway wise either go for a walk whilst your family eat the takeaway OR order the healthiest choice on the menu OR order your normal food and place half on your plate to eat and leave the other half in the cartons for tomorrow (Or throw away)

Regarding DH cooking with oil and pasta every night, if that is the way he cooks, you will have to cook for yourself. sad

Batch cook your meals. So for every meal you cook you are freezing several future meals. Eventually you will only have to cook a couple of times a week to top up the freezer and reheat meals the rest of the week. That way you can ensure the ingredients and fat levels suit you.

Once he sees you are serious, hopefully he will be on board.

I am so grateful that my DH is so helpful and supportive when I am trying to get healthier. So should yours !

Nottsangel2015 Fri 11-May-18 11:31:27

Thank you for your reply. Yes I have spoke to him but he just says I cook so my choice :-( not really useful and a little bit childish!

I think your right I may have to cook for myself. Maybe I'll have a cooked dinner at work (i.e homemade dinners I've cooked and frozen) and then just make a salad when I get home. Just feel like the food bill will take a hit with 2 different meals each day one for them and one for me! So annoying!

I so wish he was more supportive and when he wants to lose weight we all have to eat what he wants and be supportive but then when I do it's still eat what he wants!

I'll try and talk to him again this weekend! Thank you :-)

OP’s posts: |
Babieseverywhere Fri 11-May-18 11:36:53

Good luck. You can do this flowers

3stonedown Fri 11-May-18 13:31:56

The oil/cheese etc wouldn't bother me as I don't see fat as the enemy but if your doing slimming world or something I can see this being a problem and you would have to cook for yourself.

Otherwise I would ask that he doesn't plate up your meal, let you do it yourself so you have more control over your portion, I think that's fair. If he buys chocolate etc just throw them straight in the bin as PP has said. If there is, for example, spag bol if he didn't dish yours up you could replace the pasta with say spinach and still have the sauce.

Take aways - if you can't get him to change his mind and don't have the will power order the healthiest thing you can. (e.g, a chinese just boiled rice and steamed veg?)

QueenOfMyWorld Fri 11-May-18 13:36:39

I think he should make the effort and cook your meals with fry light etc,I'm a sahm and if it was my dh I know I would.He should be supporting you.

mrsplum2015 Fri 11-May-18 13:55:46

I have a little sympathy for your dh. I cook and if dh doesn't like what I cook then he can supplement himself!

When I have been dieting (and I generally eat way less carbs than the rest of my family) I separate mine out and do extra veg for myself as I'm cooking for everyone else.. I wouldn't expect dh to do that for me.


Nottsangel2015 Fri 11-May-18 15:12:04

Thanks everyone. Puts it into perspective to see the other side.

I do of course appreciate having him cook dinner every night I'm not trying to be ungrateful. I'm just trying really hard and I suppose through my own problems I just have no willpower if things are in front of me! I shall try and be stronger by saying no more, turning down things and doing my own portion so I can control that side of the dinner so less past and more veg/salad on the side instead.

I guess I just need to get more in control of my own cravings and willpower!

Thank you all for replying x

OP’s posts: |
Wilma55 Fri 11-May-18 15:18:18

Could you have courgetti with the pasta sauce?

Floralnomad Fri 11-May-18 15:23:24

Seriously I can’t see what the issue is , just eat a smaller portion and leave the chocolates and crap alone . I do practically all the cooking here so cook reasonably healthy meals as I’m trying to lose a few pounds ( lost 4 stone in a year) but dh still has his puddings / doughnuts / chocolates / biscuits in the evening and I just eat the main and don’t snack . It really does just come down to will power .

corcaithecat Fri 11-May-18 15:28:42

I think the main change you could make is to insist on plating it up yourself and instead of pasta pile on loads of salad leaves. (It works for me)

kezzy13 Fri 11-May-18 20:41:25


You could be talking about my dh regarding bringing crap home it's so much harder to resist when it's sat right in front of you.

They think they're being nice confused

halfwitpicker Fri 11-May-18 20:44:19

Can't you just adapt what you eat from what he cooks? I. E smaller portions, if he does pasta have a salad with it. Or he does shepherd's pie, get him to do sweet pot mash instead of white spuds.

halfwitpicker Fri 11-May-18 20:45:57

Funny really because DH does this with my dinners! I. E. I'll do chicken, New potatoes and salad, he'll just have chicken salad.

annandale Fri 11-May-18 20:46:12

The one thing I would insist on is a smaller plate. The rest - you are going to have to find some willpower from somewhere. It really isn't your dh's fault if you are overweight, though I do think he is being unnecessarily twattish about it. Light cheese is shit.

Runsandreads Sat 12-May-18 18:22:33

I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable. I'm the cook in our house but I do take my DH's likes/dislikes into account when planning what to cook.

Personally, I don't think you need special diet food to lose weight - just have a smaller portion of whatever your OH and kids are having and pile your plate with extra veg/salad. Likewise with takeaways, there are always healthier options.

Sorry to say it, but I think you need to work on your willpower. It's annoying that your OH keeps producing unhealthy treats though - if I were you, I'd bin them (or hide them somewhere out of sight/mind) and stock up on healthier versions to help me resist temptation.

Good luck!

Nottsangel2015 Sat 12-May-18 19:40:46

Thanks for replying everyone.
I've started eating out of a bowl so hoping that helps and meals which can't be eaten from a bowl I've brought today a smaller dinner plate to use and I will pad out my portions with salad or veg.
I do need to work on my willpower. I've started today, I've brought a bar of 85% cocoa dark chocolate to snack tonight as I know I won't be able to eat much more than a couple of squares and I've brought some low cal popcorn.
I've told dh what I'm doing and he's happy as long as it doesn't make more work for him. Which is fair enough, I told him I would sort the veg/salad out when I want to add it to a meal and he's agreed to serve in a bowl or using the plate I've brought. Fingers crossed this works!
Feeling quite positive about making some changes to my eating to try and sort out my sugar and crisp cravings. I've also upped my water intake I've done nearly 2 litres today and I feel quite full! took youngest on a long walk so clocked up 10,000 steps! Dh even came and he never walks anywhere so that's a bonus :-)
Thanks again for replying it gave me a reality check :-)

OP’s posts: |
ReanimatedMuse Sat 12-May-18 19:44:14

Of course your DH is being unreasonable.

Do you have any reason to believe that he doesn't want you to lose weight? He seems to be deliberately sabotaging you which is pretty shitty.

ReanimatedMuse Sat 12-May-18 19:47:54

And I'm in a similar position to you insofar as my DH is a SAHD.

He can eat anything without putting on weight so he really goes out of his way to ensure that we have healthy dinners in that are then supplemented with carbs for him the DC

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