I am getting more and more exasperated with each day and spiralling into self-loathing and need someone to help me see things straight.
Long story short, I think about food all the time. I hate the world and everyone in it because I am constantly hungry. Then I eat and hate myself because I am weak. Basically, my existence is filled with negative emotions and all because I cannot snap out of believing I am only worth as much as how slim I should be.
I am convinced my husband will cheat on me with someone thinner/prettier/younger. It's just a waiting game for me now.
I am sure people make fun of me and my weight and yet nobody would tell me I am fat. It drives me insane.
Every morning I wake up with horrible realisation that another day of hating food/being hungry/being angry us upon me. Then I remind myself that hating myself for eating or being fat is worse than going hungry and so it goes round and round..
I'm nasty to people around Me, I am nasty to myself and I don't know how to get through this. Any advice? Anyone been there and done this? I've no one to talk to about this in real life and I'm at the end of my tether now. Thank you!
It sounds like you know you’re being way too harsh on yourself but you have no ‘outlet’ to talk to someone about this. Have you considered confiding in a friend or even looking for a counsellor? Being able to talk might help you to process some of the negativity and begin to see a way through it.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. We all have to eat. Is it possible to give yourself a holiday from the cycle of eating, and feeling bad? Just a week when you eat at mealtimes and feel entitled to do that because, well, we all have to! I'm sure your husband loves you and isn't looking for anyone else. You're not being a snowflake, but it sounds like a whole lot of issues are tied up with the act of eating. Dieting isn't a compulsory part of life, and being thin isn't superior to having a bit of extra weight. Has somebody made you feel that you are only worthy when you're controlling your eating?
Are you actually overweight? I only ask as of course, many people feel compelled to lose weight/be slimmer even when there's no medical need to.
From what you've said, it sounds as if you're overweight but just thought I'd ask.
Have you looked into having counselling or therapy for the way you feel?
You have all my sympathy as it's so hard to feel that you have to restrict your food intake, and yes, it does make you bloody angry. And very likely to go the opposite way and overeat
Remind your self why you fell in love with your husband. Having this food war and self doubt is not healthy. You need plenty of reassurance. It's all about being good enough. Go easy, love urself a bit. Would u speak to ur bff like u do to urself? Big hug
