Partner & I have both lost a lot of weight, but people only comment on his weight loss!

[GourmetGold]

Hi I find this strange behaviour, but looking at posts don't think I'm the first to experience this.

I'm in my 40s and no amount of cutting calories and exercise would shift the weight I'd gained.
Discovered the Keto diet and haven't looked back, lost 2 stone. I'm quite short at 5'3" so it is quite clear I've lost weight (I think) gone from about 11 stone to 9 stone.
My partner, who is wasn't particularly overweight for his height (about 5'8") started doing the diet as he was impressed at my results and he's now lost about 2 stone too.

Thing is EVERYONE we see comments on his weight loss and totally ignores mine!
Only one person, a work colleague, has said anything. I'm not desperate or needy for compliments...but just get puzzled that they mention my partner's & not mine, usually when we are both together.

Also I'm not sure they're being polite, because the same people were making comments like "aren't you interested in exercise?" (I was exercising!!) when I was overweight and other some other rude, barely disguised fattist (IMO) comments!
Surely if they were so bothered by my weight before, they should be praising me for my weight loss?

Even when we are together and someone has said to my partner "oh look at you, looking slim!"...I will then comment "yes we've both being doing this diet..." they still say nothing

[Launderetta]

Congratulations on your weight loss, that's a great achievement.
But didn't you do it for yourself & your health, rather than to receive comments from others?
Let your partner enjoy the compliments. FWIW I think you could come over as attention seeking & needy by pushing yourself into the conversation - "Look at me, I did it too!"

[CarrieErbag]

Initially after reading your thread title I was going to assume it was people being polite. After reading that people were rude enough to make comments about your size previously, I really have no idea?
Do you think there might be an elemnet of jealousy?
Anyway, forget them, it's about how you feel.
Well done though.
I won't include a cake emoji to congratulate you

[CarrieErbag]

*element

[Westworld]

Well done Gourmet Gold!
I bet I know why this is - are you still wearing your old clothes, that are probably hanging on you but disguising your weight loss?
Or else it's that you hid it well before!!

[Needalifeoverhaul]

Obviously they're pissed off they can no longer try to make you feel bad about yourself anymore with their catty comments! You probably look fab and they're jealous so are purposely not commenting on your loss. Congratulations though OP..you should feel very proud of your achievement

[NikiBabe]

That is nasty.

Huge congrats 💐

[GourmetGold]

Thanks everyone . Honestly I'm not tooo needy for praise..I hope! ..it's just the inequality of comment for partner & not me. And I'm a very quiet, shy type of person, so not one in real life to be "Look at me too!!"

I am chuffed that I've managed to lose weight, especially after developing Thyroid problems too, I thought my health was doomed and my weight gain seemed to escalate out of control.

Yes some of these people were talking about me behind my back as "lazy", "good for nothing", I discovered, very horrible

I've never been a very popular person, maybe due to being quiet, unlike partner who is very outgoing.

It's hard to think they could be jealous, I'm not the most stunning person, even after weight loss, but have to admit it could be that..pretty mean spirited of people.

Anyhow, thanks again

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

And I'm a very quiet, shy type of person I was going to say maybe they don't want to risk upsetting you...

But actually if they make comments anyway; is it just that his weight loss is more noticeable and you're always together?

[GourmetGold]

Westworld I've had to buy new clothes, but had a few skirts with elastic waist bands that still fit even after losing a few inches, but I gained a lot of weight around my face which I've lost, so am sure it would be noticable.
Also my hair had gone very thin due to an under active Thyroid , now back to normal thickness, I know I didn't recognise myself in photos.

[GourmetGold]

Anchor unfortunately it would nice to think they were just not wanting to upset me, but yes with previous mean comments I don't think they worry about that.

His weight loss might be more noticeable because he wasn't that big before really, so now he looks quite thin. I'm quite short and curvy...so maybe not as noticeable..but thought 2 stone off a short person would be noticeable..I know I really didn't recognise myself in photos when at my biggest.

I know some of these people have to do a hell of a lot of exercise to maintain their own weight or have struggled to lose weight themselves, so sadly it could be spite...still don't understand why so happy for my partner though.

[MrTurtleLikesKisses]

Sounds like jealousy to me! Well done OP!

[followthelight]

Well done on your loss.

I've actually been in the same situation recently. DH lost 1 stone. I lost two. People only fucking commented on his loss. I was

However, I've now lost a total of three stone and I can't move for people mentioning how much weight I've lost. It's bizarre.

People are weird when it comes to commenting on women's bodies. That's what I put it down to, anyway. I frequently see female friends who appear to have slimmed but say nothing other than 'Oh, you look lovely' or similar for fear of embarrassing them.

[GourmetGold]

hi follow thanks, congrats on your weight loss too!

It's really weird isn't it, you might be right, maybe we feel easier commenting on mens' bodies than womens'.
That's strange that no one commented on your weight loss at 2 stone, but lots did at 3 stone!

[drquin]

As someone who has lost 4 stone .... I sometimes feel sorry for folk faced with me for the first time and having to instantly decide whether to mention it. Poor folk can never win 😂

Met one guy from work today, who I hadn't seen in about 3 years. He apologised for not recognising me as I'd done something to my hair, apparently. When I said I'd also lost 4 stone .... not pushing for compliments, just for context about why we were in the same place today ..... poor guy stuttered and stumbled about how great I looked, but not that I didn't before, but now I look "fit", but "exercise fit" not ......
I just said thanks 😂😂

In all serious, maybe folk find it easier to make weight-loss comments to men.
Obviously, there shouldn't be a difference but you never know.

[CoperCabana]

I had this last year. I lost about 3 stone. DH lost about 1 but looked fitter due to running. Everyone mentioned his. Hardly anyone mentioned mine. I think women find it hard to be gracious to another woman about weight loss.

[CoperCabana]

And sometimes people are being sensitive so wouldn't say 'wow you lost loads of weight', because the implication is 'wow, you were big before'. And I think people worry about this implication more with women than they do with men.

[ferrier]

I've had this too - I've lost over 2 stone, dh about half a stone. I'd like to know why.

[NikiBabe]

Sounds like jealousy to me! Well done OP!

That is so true. Since I lost weight I've noticed alot of people always the women don't seem to like it. They either say nothing or say you've lost too much and urge you to stop.

[Lucked]

I think Coper is on to something, acknowledging that someone has lost a lot of weight is acknowledging that you noticed they were overweight in the first place.

Also , depending on your DH,s current BMI when people get very slim they look really different

[GourmetGold]

drquin

So in conclusion:-

Some are being polite, some are sexist, some are jealous.

Some are just complimenting partner & not us as they are just (insert several 'evil' emojis which I can't find on MN!)

[ferrier]

@NikiBabe Oh I get that too - even though I could lose another two stone and still not be in the underweight category
It is like they don't like you succeeding.

[NikiBabe]

@ferrier what is it with that? Im assuming it is some sort of insecurity on their part as they seem to not want friends of theirs to look good and improve their health.

I Would be supportive and encouraging of friends weight loss.