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Please help...desperate :( problems with food addiction :-(

(36 Posts)
user1496778897 Tue 06-Jun-17 21:09:00

Hello

I'm 35 and we are planning our first baby in the next three months.

This is so difficult for me to write...but I think I have a serious issue with food. I'm in a really dark and miserable place.

I am addicted (I think) to foods which are 'bad' - high calorie and high fat. What most people would deem a food treat or a blow out - I am having these nearly every day.

I thought it was an issue with will power...however, although it's hard to admit...this feels like it is completely out of my control. I feel I have absolutely no control over the urges to eat these foods. Every night, after a blow out I say to myself 'that is it!! No more!!' but by the next day...I'm doing the same thing again.

I think, 'oh I want to eat something really nice!' And before I know it, I've bought what I want and have eaten it. What follows is me feeling like this - disgusted with myself and guilty.

I go to slimming world but that only motivates me for a few days before I'm back to my old ways. I have lost 2lbs in total over two months because I can't control myself around food.

Tonight I sat crying in the car outside the supermarket. I didnt want to go in and buy 'bad' food. I was shouting at myself not to give in to the urge but then I found myself going in the supermarket and as if on autopilot, bought lots of bad food and ate the lot.

I am not far off 15 stone. I am tall and 'hide it' well but if I didn't exercise as much as I do, the reality is I'd be a lot bigger.

Does anyone have any experience around this? It would not be ideal to have a baby at this weight. I am desperate to get some weight off as soon as possible.

There isn't much in the way of therapy and support groups around where I live.

Has anyone got any tips for staying motivated. Can't continue to go on like this :-( xx

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 06-Jun-17 21:21:11

I completely understand the position you are in OP. I was you around 18 months ago.

I desperately wanted to stop myself - to take my finger off the self-destruct button as it were - but I just couldn't.

In all honesty I only managed to break the cycle when I discovered DH had been having an affair. Not in the "I must be slim to win him back" type of way, but in the way that being alone with the DCs and having to take a very good, deep look at my life helped me reorganise my priorities and work out what I actually wanted from life. Strangely it gave me a confidence I'd never had before and I was able to convince myself that I could do this.

I joined SW & thanks to my amazingly supportive group leader have now lost 7st 2.5lbs. I have 1st to go to target.

My whole attitude to food has changed over the last 18 months & a treat to me is no longer fatty food. I'm not pretending it's easy but for me having the confidence to do something just for me, for no better reason than I deserved to do something completely for me after 20 years putting others first definitely helped.

Best of luck OP.

Badgerlady Tue 06-Jun-17 21:32:50

I highly recommend a book called 'brain over binge recovery guide'. The author is a former bullimic. Her first book 'brain over binge' documents her recovery. This follow up repeats some of it but also has contributions by others and exercises to guide you through. You can get it on amazon.

I liked it and found it helpful as she is very practical and suggests there are many paths to stopping overeating. For some there will be a lightbulb moment for others it will take more time.

Ellieboolou27 Tue 06-Jun-17 21:44:17

Your not alone op, it's awful and I know how you feel, I'm a lifelong yo yo dieter and have food issues, love all junky type stuff like Coke, crisps and chocolate, I've lost and regained the same 3-4 stone about 5 times on the last 10 years, sorry I can't be much help but I do find that using my fitness pal app helpful and forcing myself to exercise a few times a week.
It's emotional overeating, it's not something that just goes away, everyday it's a battle to avoid binging and eating crap, one day at a time, each day you become more emotionally stronger about food choices.

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel Tue 06-Jun-17 21:51:51

I am in the same boat. Everyday its biscuits and brownies. Or chips. Or chocolate. I can't go a single day without eating some form of crap.

I've had enough now, but just can't break the cycle.

Last year I joined SW and took my running seriously (again) after getting a place in GNR. However, now I dont do SW, but I do exercise a lot. The weights is slowly creeping back on. I know if I dont do anything about it I will end up putting all the weight I lost back on.

ATM Im Overweight, but its going on again, Im going to end up being a size 18 again. I need to do something, but I just can't.

user1496778897 Tue 06-Jun-17 22:43:27

Hi SantasLittle
Thanks so much for your message.
Congratulations on your weight loss but so sorry to hear about what happened. If you don't mind my saying...at least this was a positive outcome for you in terms of feeling better about yourself. I am super impressed.

I think you're right....this is about attitude towards food. Maybe I need a bit of support to fix that...I can't continue like this. It feels really uncomfortable to be carrying excess weight. I exercise well...run and walk but it is hard when you're several stone overweight (running is beginning to hurt my knees).

Thank you again for posting xx wishing you continued success xx

user1496778897 Tue 06-Jun-17 22:45:12

Badgerlady

I'm so grateful for the recommendation! I was hoping someone would come along with one.

I will look on kindle after I've replied to see if I can download it.

Thank you again x

user1496778897 Tue 06-Jun-17 22:49:48

Thank you, Ellie.
I am the same as you...all those foods, I will eat and not as an occasional treat. I need them most days.
I'm glad you get some use out of that app and exercise regularly. I use the app too for running and walking...the trouble is, even if I do a 10K walk on an evening, it is nowhere near enough to burn off the calories that I would have consumed or that I will consume when I get back home.
It's an awful situation to be in.
They say those with food issues exercise excessively. I think I do some weeks in order to try and regain an ounce of control. :-(

I will try the book as the other poster suggested and I'm gonna try everything I can to control what I eat tomorrow (but how many times have I said this before?!)

Thank you again so much xx

user1496778897 Tue 06-Jun-17 22:52:23

DrH
Gosh we sound so similar. I echo everything you say...it's a difficult place to be in.

I tend to reward myself with naughty things to eat. I obsess about what I will eat for hours and will enjoy the process of eating....what follows is horrific. Hopeless.

Oh I'm sorry - coming across on a right downer here! Like you - I'm just fed up and want to change.

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb up...I certainly feel like that tonight xx

user1496778897 Tue 06-Jun-17 22:57:39

My boyfriend is supportive but would like us both to be fighting fit for our pregnancy (if that's at all possible). He has always said the right things, 'I don't care what you look like.....more to love.....I love your body......' but now the time is getting closer to us trying for a baby, he has also said that we both need to shape up (he's very skinny and toned....I'm now a size 16 (used to be 4 stone lighter) so I feel huge next to him and the way I'm going, I'm not sure for how much longer I will be this size :-( ) feel like I'm letting him down...he doesn't know I am struggling with this x

Ellieboolou27 Tue 06-Jun-17 22:59:42

I've probs my eaten over 3000 calories today as I'm having a bad day week the only way I can control is is to take control of each day, I put huge pressure on myself to lose x amount by x date and end up eating far far more than I would, I wish I were normal with food but my mind is warped by food and diets and weight loss, I'm a good 3 stone overweight and I will lose it, just not in a month.
It's good you are looking into it and addressing the issue, your halfway there is you can admit you have an issue, good luck op, it's bloody hard but there is help out there.

Ellieboolou27 Tue 06-Jun-17 23:01:30

Oh and I lost around 2 1/2 stone before each of my pregnancies, then put 3st on AFTER giving birth blush
Ive got two dd's now and battling with this 3st for the last time!

bluejelly Tue 06-Jun-17 23:07:51

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Food obsession is so hard to resist because it is around us all the time. And our society is constantly tempting us to eat crap.
Have you ever had any counselling?

IWantABlueBanana Tue 06-Jun-17 23:09:26

How tall are you op? 15 stone IS a lot, you'll nevertheless get loads folk on here talking bout them being 15st and being 'fine'.

I've no experience of being overweight but a visit to gp is a good idea, maybe some cbt is essential to understand and break the habit?

Lobsterquadrille2 Wed 07-Jun-17 08:21:12

Hi OP, the way you describe your eating sounds very similar to my alcohol addiction when it was active. I would wake up full of hope and totally determined that I wouldn't cave in, and would invariably "fail" and then beat myself up for lack of willpower etc. The difference is that we need food to stay alive so an outright block isn't possible.

I've been in AA for over nine years and have found it amazing. I have several close friends in the fellowship who also attend OA - one friend has lost 10 stone through meetings, understanding that their eating is emotionally charged and effectively group CBT. I can't recommend it personally and it may not work if you are a "measure of 1oz of cheese and weigh your slice of bread" type of person, but the principle idea is to look at why you are eating for any reason other than the enjoyment that you should be getting from food.

RedDahlia Wed 07-Jun-17 08:30:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cupthejunction Thu 08-Jun-17 20:53:07

I could have written your post. I would say that diet and slimming clubs won't work for you because it's an actual addiction.
You would benefit as I did from Overeaters anonymous, its a 12 step programme for people with overeating disorders.
I wish you the very best. You can do this with the help of other addicts one day at a time.

MyOtherProfile Thu 08-Jun-17 21:48:28

I second what Red said about calorie counting. I started on 1st May because I was eating anything and everything. I would think nothing of eating a whole pack of biscuits with a cup of tea in an afternoon and then raiding the kids snack box for several chocolate bars in the evening. I've had absolutely no will power and it felt self destructive. Then I started using an app to log my food and exercise and it's had a massive impact on me. I'm now recording everything I eat and am rest shocked to see how much I was eating. It's acted as a great big brake. Now that I can see how many calories I'm consuming I've really cut down on the crap. I can't explain why it has worked but it really has. I've kept it up for almost 6 weeks now and I feel my attitude has really changed. I eat lots or veg now to keep the calories low, and then protein.

user1496778897 Wed 21-Jun-17 21:52:37

Hi there, All
Just a quick note to say THANK YOU so much for all the comments and being there for me.

I greatly appreciate the support.

Well...I've lost half a stone since I posted this...! The day after posting, I read a book about food addiction (a free one off amazon) and I haven't binged since. I also phoned my GP the day after I posted and was surprised when they referred me over to an eating disorder place. I had my assessment last Thursday...explained that I think I'd cracked it from the book but I wanted to have some therapy in case there were any slip ups. They agreed so I'll be going to a clinic in the next couple of weeks.

Exercise has calmed down a little...trying to take it easy.

Feeling a lot better.

If I'm allowed I'll post the title of the book although it's name escapes me right now.

THANK YOU once again. Feeling in control xx

totaldiva Wed 21-Jun-17 21:56:30

Amazing! Well done! I'd really appreciate you telling us the name of the book?

Good luck with the therapy.

Ellieboolou27 Wed 21-Jun-17 22:07:51

Fantastic update op!!!! smile
That takes some real courage, I'd love to know the name of the book of you can your welcome to pm me the name.

Having myself struggled with binge eating and food obsessions all my life, I know how difficult coming to terms with it is.
Good luck flowers

aliphil Thu 22-Jun-17 13:23:41

Would also appreciate the name of the book as I have similar problem - but don't exercise apart from walking to school and back. Can't seem to stop buying junk food, can't face a diet that will stop me eating bread or cheese as a lot of them seem to, don't have the discipline to weigh/measure everything I eat. sad Basically I want to be thinner but eat what I want and not have to exercise ... hmm.

aliphil Thu 22-Jun-17 13:28:57

Also I find swapping for healthy choices, which people often suggest to me, completely pointless. If I'm craving chocolate, I want chocolate and raisins or whatever are not going to cut it!

user1496778897 Fri 23-Jun-17 00:47:21

Hi again smile

The book was a free download called 'Never Binge Again' by Glenn Livingston. I got it off amazon for kindle.

I'm sure I read a review that said it was an 'un-ladylike approach' to binge eating which I think is true...but I am so excited for anyone else on here who struggles with this as this book has been a life saver so far. I literally read it and never binged again and I know I won't ever again.

There isn't even any hard work to do...I just adopted the very simple method and that was it.

It was my boyfriend's birthday and I thought...ah! Now I have a good reason to binge on goodies and cake but the learnings from the book stopped me dead in my tracks and I did not binge.

I'm still definitely going to engage with therapy as that can't do any harm.

Please, please get the book. If it's a free download - there's nothing to lose apart from weight xx

Would love to know how others get on with it if they try it. I'll also update once I'm in therapy xx

Didiplanthis Sat 24-Jun-17 20:58:03

I am the same. I buy treats 'for the children' then eat 6 fudge bars with a cup of tea ! Of course I know it's bad but I can't stop it, every week for years I have started over. And failed. Am trying mfp currently. Done a week and it's been good so far. I look back to when i wished my size 12 jeans fitted, then it was my 14s then my 16's. I am scared it wont stop....

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