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Help - so miserable and tired of feeling like this

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Mum157 Mon 22-May-17 13:04:07

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but it's related, so.... Anyway, I'm just feeling REALLY down about my appearance, weight, self in general. I've always been (what I've thought to be) overweight, although I now realise that I wasn't a lot of the time, but I've been a diet of some sort for around 20 years (now 36) and never thought I was slim enough. I'm now a size 14 and around the heaviest I've been, although I know that, realistically, I'm not massive or gross, I just never feel good enough.
My thoughts are constantly consumed with food and whether I should have a 'good' day or a 'bad' day. I think that if I just accepted myself as I am, I would probably lose weight, because I'd stop putting so much pressure on myself.
Mum, friends, husband, know that I'd like to lose weight and husband knows a bit about my messed-up relationship with food, but I really struggle to talk about it to people as I think it makes me look so pathetic.
I just don't feel like this is a healthy way to go on. I either need to accept myself as I am and be happy with that, or put all the knowledge I have into practice and shift some weight.
But I don't know how to change my mindset. I know all about eating healthily, I've tried loads of different diets, I exercise regularly - I just sabotage my efforts for some reason, so never make progress.
And I'm soon exhausted by it. I'm sitting here sobbing, as I type this because I'm so bored and tired of these thoughts going round my head.
Does anyone have any experience of this? What should I do? Help!
Thanks - sorry for the rambling! x

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