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Confidence and willpower lacking

(6 Posts)
Fedupithink Thu 06-Apr-17 04:00:53

Hi, I am 4 months post c-section with my first. I'm 30 and almost 3 stone overweight. This isn't baby weight, I'd gained it all pre-pregnancy although I am certainly less toned and have the traditional c-section shelf now.

I am so desperately unhappy. I feel sick when I look in a mirror. I hate myself for allowing myself to get like this.

I previously worked crazy hours with an insane commute, spent fortunes on the vending machines as no time for proper food prep or breaks to buy something decent. Zero exercise time. Lots of takeaways and sugar to get through the day.

I always said work was my downfall and if I had more time I'd eat better and exercise and get in shape.

I just feel so alone and desperate. It keeps me awake at night (like now!) the thing is, I know what I'm doing wrong. Sweets for lunch anyone?! But I just dont seem able to help myself. I have zero willpower. Will cook a healthy meal and eat a bar of chocolate whilst I do. Stop at the supermarket for a can of coke and a chocolate bar to "cheer myself up" then feel like I've ruined the whole day so continue to eat crap as it's already wrecked.

I just don't know what to do. I started the gym a couple of weeks ago which has been going ok but I feel like I need proper direction. A friend took a photo of me today and I could die from the shame of what I've become.

I've lost weight before for my wedding a few years ago but it all crept back on with work. I don't want to spend my life moaning and not being in photographs or enjoying myself because I feel out of place and like people are looking at me. I get so demoralised so quickly. I used to be so confident and strong and now I just feel broken. A lot of this does have to do with my horrendous birth and serious bf issues and guilt I'm sure.

I don't really know what I want from this thread, maybe just a handhold and to know I'm not the only one? Hopefully?

OP’s posts: |
TheOriginalChatelaine Thu 06-Apr-17 07:41:27

Hello Fed up. Congratulations on the arrival of your baby. So sorry you feel so down but believe me it's only temporary. I hope you are getting some sleep and enjoying your baby. Your body has just been through a lot so take a considered approach to weight loss and a healthy lifestyle. You have the power to decide that you will not buy sweets and processed food to have available in the home. Replace those with whole foods and don't go hungry. If you are bf then a healthy balanced diet is essential. If you have a smartphone or device you can get a calorie counter app such as My Fitness Pal or My plate. They are easy to use and by computing your statistics will come up with a personal plan. You can play around with it first and log an imaginary days worth of food. I did this just for the benefit of horrifying myself! When I compared that calorie intake against what I understood my body required it gave me resolve to change. I also came to realise that by making changes I was putting myself first and really caring for myself. Please don't be despondent and too hard on yourself. The longest journey begins with the first step and all that. Don't worry about exercise beyond walking in the fresh Spring air pushing your baby. Invest this time in yourself and look for the joy.

Fedupithink Thu 06-Apr-17 09:35:27

Thank you TheOriginal for such a positive post. I felt sure I'd get lots of comments about being lucky to have a baby and telling me to stop wallowing in self pity.

I've started today as a new day. So far so good. No sweets!

I really enjoy exercise but seeing my new form wobbling around in the mirror next to all the trim toned women is bothering me for the first time in my life.

Unfortunately, due to the birth (c-section under GA after a really long Labour) I got an infection which didn't respond to meds so I had to eventually stop breast feeding at 9 weeks to take steroids. This is a huge source of guilt for me. Very much of the "couldn't give birth properly, couldn't feed properly" mindset which I need to shift. Rationally I know it wasn't anything I did. I'd also got in the back of my mind that bf would help me shift the weight so that didn't work out either.

I have a wedding to go to in 13 weeks and I'd love to have lost a good chunk of the weight by then. I think you're right, all in my gift to change. Perhaps I'll find a nice dress as motivation.

Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
thegoatwhogotthequiche Fri 07-Apr-17 21:10:38

I started to lose weight once I began to love myself again, I think you have more motivation then because you feel worth it. Stop hating yourself for putting on weight and start loving body for the fact that it was amazing enough to be able to give life to another human being! I had massive massive guilt over breast feeding, my youngest is now nearly 3 and the birth stories and bf v ff conversations are long long gone. It's the bit that comes after giving birth that matters more for our children.

To kick start my health campaign I went out and bought make up, had my hair done, got a really good new bra and a few new clothes. It might not work for everyone but it was what I needed and over the next year or so I dropped a good 4 stone.

I made really small changes and gradually cut my portion sizes, the overall change has been dramatic and permanent, but very slow. Whenever I found the weight loss stopping I gave myself a bit of a lift with new hair or make up and a wardrobe sort out and kept going.

On a practical level tracking food was important, I liked the weight watchers approach with a weekly weigh in to motivate me but another freind did equally well with my fitness pal. I hated the gym so walked and walked, any excuse and I'd walk rather than take the car. Pushing a buggy added resistance and I am convinced helped! I didn't keep high sugar snack in the house and only kept healthy snacks at eye level in the kitchen cupboards.

Love yourself, be kind to yourself and flowers because it sounds like you have had a tough time.

continues Fri 07-Apr-17 21:18:58

Are you me?

I honestly could have written your post word for word.

I'm early thirties and three stone overweight. I feel grotesque. I used to be nice and slim and quite fit if I'm honest 

To cut a long story short, I got a massive wake up call a few weeks ago when I found out that (now ex) friends had been discussing how much weight I had put on since having my second DD. Bunch of cunts.

Anyway, after I finished crying, I joined Weight Watchers. I've lost 10.5lb in a months and even after that relatively small loss, I feel an awful lot better.

To be clear I'm doing this for myself and not for those assholes who were gossiping. I know I needed to do it, I just needed that impetus or lightbulb moment. That was it.

Handhold and sympathy in buckets from me. flowers

Fedupithink Sat 08-Apr-17 07:53:02

Thank you Continues and thegoat

I'm similar in that I used to be quite slim and fit and was somewhat known for it, now I'm almost the largest in my friendship groups and I dread to think what they say about me.

Both of your weight losses are fantastic, I really hope I am able to write the same in a few months time. Motivation is creeping in.

I've upped the exersize and I'll definitely increase the walking with the pram. I walked everywhere for the first 6 weeks but since I was signed off to drive again I've become over-reliant on the car.

I feel I have an unhealthy relationship with food and remember most of my childhood sat outside slimming world and weight watcher groups while my mum was inside. She is still overweight now. I don't want that for my DD.

I want to use this time off to spend with my DD while I get down to a happy weight and then focus on maintenance and demonstrate to her that exercise is healthy and food is fuel not comfort.

Thank you.

OP’s posts: |

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