Can't even work out how to name change so bugger it.
I'm currently at my heaviest ever. I had been ignoring it for the best part of 5 years now. Bigger and bigger with a shameless amount of diet attempts which were shortlived. Suddenly, I am riddled with niggling health issues that have come on sunddenly. Mainly my joints. I'm in pain more often than not but keep refusing drs as I know my weight will be bought up.
My marriage is on the rocks, I've no self esteem and despite a dh who lavishes me with attention and love I push him away and show him no affection. He's coming close to breaking point. He feels unloved,unattractive.my heart breaks that I make him feel like this and yet all I want to do is hide from him.
I could/should be a much better mother. I try my hardest I truly do but I could be better if I wasn't so fat.
I'm 5'3, 15st and I'm bursting out of my 16s.
I joined slimming world last Thursday but haven't breathed a word to anyone bar a casual mention to dh. I'm ashamed of myself, scared it'll be another failed attempt. I have all the motivation in the world and no willpower. I want to whisper that I am at breaking point and genuinely ready. Scared but ready and hopeful. But I'm afraid that maybe I'm just lying to myself again.
I want to be better. I want to be healthy and I want to save my marriage and I want to give my children everything.
I'm sorry for the rather pitiful post. I just had to get it out somewhere quiet.
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12 replies
NewPurrs5 · 01/04/2017 20:03
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