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How would it feel if you were OK with your body as it is right now?

(27 Posts)
SMWylder Thu 09-Mar-17 13:16:12

After many, many years on and off diets, this is now what I'm focussing on. After hating my body for lots of different reasons, I'm working on not criticising what enables me to live my life. Something that doesn't deserve blame. It isn't easy but the alternative of yo-yo dieting and self-loathing was much worse.
I wondered if anyone else could imagine life like this?

Shurleyshummishtake Fri 10-Mar-17 07:11:12

I would love to manage that
I'm not overweight but I was previously very underweight and so feel huge self loathing about my body now and feel like EVERYONE is aware of my weight gain. I have a normal BMI and am super fit exercise wise but I can't shake the idea that I have let myself go and it is such a visisble fall from grace.
It consumes me.
I think constantly about food and my weight
I compare myself negatively to every single woman I pass on the street
I look in the mirror at home and feel revulsion a what i see and unable to celebrate what I have

I fear the only way I can cope is to lose some weight again and yet where I was before wasn't healthy (my periods stopped and I was so irritable and dizzy).
I'm trying to negotiate a mid way weight loss but I appear to have rediscovered food and can't stop eating.
I'm so strict about what I eat but then pick pick pick at stuff.
I also exercise compulsively.

Am so unhappy with myself.

BrownEyedLady Fri 10-Mar-17 07:41:24

You are right - the body is innocent. It is the vehicle you get around in. I often kiss my arms to say thank you. You could try saying thank you to your body. You don't need to mean it the first few times. Just keep saying it whenever you remember.

FloweryTwat Fri 10-Mar-17 07:50:24

I'm trying to do this. I am about 2 stone overweight, and a good stone from an acceptable level of being overweight. I think about it constantly, and I don't want to look back on my life and realise that this has been my most constant thought!

I don't know what to do to change though sad

Shurleyshummishtake Fri 10-Mar-17 08:36:59

Flowery I feel like that- that if I looked at my life now it would be over riding issue I come back to and yet it is really not what defines me nor in anyway actually important. I have so many things that I should celebrate and yet I fixate on this shame.

All I want to do is lose weight and can't current tolerate the idea of learning to love where I am.

Goosewings Sat 11-Mar-17 07:18:52

Think of all the amazing things your body can do. We really are amazing. If you ever run or even just when walking notice how your body keeps you balanced. Simple muscle memory things like driving a car or opening a door are really quite incredible when you think about it. Our bodies are also capable of taking any food we eat and using it as fuel to keep us alive-moving, breathing, thinking. Even if we eat crap our bodies keep us going. Love your body for that.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Sat 11-Mar-17 07:42:48

I like what browneyed said; the body is innocent. It is the vehicle you get around in. It puts into words what I have learned to understand.

You have to take that understanding a step further, and learn to think about yourself differently.

Many of us have a Poisonous, Perfectionist Parrot perched on our shoulder, repeating unhelpful, self-critical thoughts at us. We need to recognise those thoughts and choose to rethink them in a more positive way.

Try replacing 'should' with 'could' and 'but' with 'and'. Eg:

I should eat less cake and more veg.
-> I could have a nibble of cake and a juicy tomato.

I'm glad I went for a walk, but I didn't go far enough.
-> I'm glad I went for a walk, and next time I'll go further.

dudsville Sat 11-Mar-17 07:50:55

I did this a couple of years ago and it's stayed with me. I look for the positives and after a while that becomes habit. Alternatively, it doesn't mean I stop seeing the whole of me. For example, nowadays when I look in the mirror and see myself looking tired or something I don't beat myself up I just think about what that means that I need, I. E. How can I look sheet myself better.

SweetGrapes Sat 11-Mar-17 08:02:37

I broke my toe a year back; had to get reading glasses, get vertigo if I don't eat and sleep regularly. All this really brought on the appreciation pretty sharpish.
Couldn't walk, read or balance in quick succession - really made me long for my perfect imperfect body back! I am overweight but have been focussing on walking everywhere and eating my 10 a day and not worrying about the rest for a few months now.
As they say - the body is a temple - respect it and take care of it. (I am the godess enshrined in there wink )

SweetGrapes Sat 11-Mar-17 08:05:01

Really good examples goody

Allthebubbles Sat 11-Mar-17 08:42:21

I've joined a group called the Supercharged club ( Superchargedclub.co.uk) which is really helping me break the diet mentality and appreciate my body as well as challenging me to move more and be healthy.
I'm overweight but my main focus is to get my body moving well now as I feel stiff. That seems more important. I love the walking and 10 a day focus someone suggested too.
Have you seen the film Embrace, OP? It's by an Australian woman who did what you are suggesting and then made a film about her journey and meeting other women. Some of it is a bit obvious but the message is powerful.

Eolian Sat 11-Mar-17 10:07:57

Good thread. I can't help feeling that the hatred of our bodies is the flip side of society's love and worship of the slim, model-type bodies perceived to be beautiful. We wouldn't find our bodies ugly if we weren't constantly trying to measure up to some unrealistic ideal. Loving our bodies for what they can do, rather than always for what they look like is a step in the right direction imo.

I lost quite a lot of weight about 7 years ago, which I needed to do for health reasons, but I've spent much of the time since then putting on and losing the same half to one stone. I am sooo bored with thinking about it. It's such a relief to just stop. I'm finding that if I just give up all thoughts about trying to control my diet, I don't lose weight but I don't gain weight either. I sort of naturally self-regulate (ish grin), because I'm less inclined to stuff myself with chocolate if I haven't been depriving myself of normal food.

GreyandGrumpy48 Sat 11-Mar-17 19:42:15

Allthebubbles I would be interested in what you think of the supercharged programme? I have looked at it several times but I wasn't sure I would stick with it.

KatieKaboom Sat 11-Mar-17 19:46:45

Oh Jesus, that would be great.

I have been thin. I have been fat. Mostly, I've been in-between (healthy, but could lose a few pounds- size 10).

I've always hated my body even though I am quite strong, fit and mobile.

Allthebubbles Sat 11-Mar-17 20:00:27

GreyandGrumpy48, I've found the Supercharged programme is easy to make part of your life, partly because they introduce diet changes week by week, so breakfast week 1, breakfast and snack week 2 etc etc. Alongside this there is a lot on thinking about your mindset and goals and how to break them down. If you then stay a member there is a lot of ongoing support. It isn't a diet plan in any way, more about finding out about your own triggers, motivations, I have found I have made some changes that have definitely stuck foodwise and I'm now trying to work on finding exercise I like.
It's a very honest programme, in that the founders Emma and Mary are open about their own issues and how they have resolved/ are resolving them.
Hope that is helpful.

GreyandGrumpy48 Sat 11-Mar-17 20:26:47

Really helpful Allthe bubbles thanks. They have a programme starting in a couple of weeks so I think I'll bite the bullet and sign up. I need something to help with my motivation- I know what I should be doing but I can't seem to put it into practice.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Sat 11-Mar-17 22:31:15

Have a look at the Bravissimo website. The models there are not implausibly stick-thin. They have curves, thighs, and slight tummies. They look - shock horror! - like real, beautiful women.

SMWylder Mon 27-Mar-17 13:34:38

KatieKaboom I love your honesty. What's stopping you from loving your body, do you think?

BlueSofaPinkLamp Mon 27-Mar-17 16:45:06

You are my people!

I read your post Shurleyshummishtake and felt like I could have written it myself. I wasn't clinically underweight, but heading in that direction, and now that I've moved away from that (unhealthy) perfectionist attitude I am struggling having gained a few pounds. Everything you have said resonates with me. I can't stop exercising to offset some of the overeating, and I am just convinced everyone has noticed my weight gain.

My BMI is a smidge over 20, so I know in reality I am a healthy weight, but all I can do is focus on the fact I can't stop obsessing over food and the effect it has on my body. I feel fat and cannot appreciate my body at all. I run for miles on end and wear myself out in the hope that it will burn off some of the extra calories I can't seem to stop myself eating, it just feels like a vicious circle that I'm stuck in.

I know I will look back on myself one day and wonder what on earth I was thinking, I just need a wake up call to snap me out of this vicious cycle.

As you all know, it was mothers day yesterday, and instead of spending that time relaxing with my kids in the afternoon, I went for a 4 mile run, then was home for an hour before I went out for a 5 mile walk, to burn off some calories as I overate at lunchtime. It's pathetic, and a waste of my life. sad

Shurleyshummishtake Tue 28-Mar-17 07:14:15

Bluesofapinklamp

We are so similar
I also went for a long run on Mother's Day
I prioritise exercise over my kids I'm ashamed to say and yet if I had one less bowl of cereal at night I could save myself an hour on the treadmill.

If I won't be able to exercise for about two hours on a given day I panic.

I also have a BMI about 20 and a bit
I'm fit and don't look overweight

But I see all the flaws magnified and KNOW people see my stone weight gain before they see me.
I wish I could go back and never be as thin as I was as then I'd just be me now not me that's bigger.

I deny myself pudding at every meal out, never eat roast potatoes or rice or pasta or any sauce etc etc at a meal. Then have five 'healthy' yoghurts and several apples and three nakd bars later. In my mind I know I'll eat food all evening anyway so I need to deny myself that nice stuff during the meal.

What do we do to get better?

Evenings are absolutely my downfall.

abeandhalo Tue 28-Mar-17 07:32:59

After I discovered plus size fashion / body Positive movement this became my reality. I stopped subjecting myself to things like fashion magazines and only looked at clothes on bodies like mine (e.g. On Instagram) and I felt like a different person.

I just couldn't bare the thought of agonising over my weight / diet every second for the rest of my life. It's so tiring to feel guilty every time you eat and change your outfit 10x before you leave the house. There were so many things I thought I could only do once I was thin, but then I realised well I might never be thin so do I really want to waste my life?

I did all those things anyway, I got tattoos & I wear bikinis & maxi dresses & lots of other things and I feel so much more free and confident as a result.

It really can be done, you just have to shed all that self-hate that is perpetuated primarily by companies trying to make money from it, then you can learn to love your body, and that will probably lead to you being physically and mentally healthier as a result.

Dowser Tue 28-Mar-17 09:03:40

In answer to your question.

I'd still be stressed. I'd still be tired. My ageing joints would still ache.

Nothing would change for the better.

Dowser Tue 28-Mar-17 09:09:58

Shirley and blues. Have you looked at Richie Howey on Facebook. Hopefully he's still accepting new people.
You'll find your tribe on there.

BlueSofaPinkLamp Tue 28-Mar-17 14:38:48

I have no idea. I've started seeing a therapist to help me work through any issues and improve my relationship with food but it just feels like such a daunting task.

I feel I'm making progress some days and accepting a new bigger me, telling myself that size doesn't matter, but then something switches inside my head and I start to feel disgusting having let myself get bigger. I eat really well usually and with the exercise too I can easily maintain a bmi of about 19, but it's the binges I have that push the amount of calories I consume right up.

I walk everywhere and get twitchy if I can't, I've done an 8 mile run this morning and know that school runs etc will clock me up another 4 miles, yet I still feel the need to restrict what I eat (which will probably have the reverse effect).

I just feel so trapped and that there must be so much more to life than food.

SMWylder Tue 28-Mar-17 15:51:06

Hi Shurley, you are really hard on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with having a run on Mother’s Day, but if it feels to you like a sign that things are out of balance then that’s good information to work with. Food and a negative body image should not dominate our lives and it can be miserable when they do.

There is a proven link between dieting and bingeing. The brain reacts to deprivation by a single-minded pursuit of food. This is why a focus on diet and exercise can become an all-consuming vicious cycle.

Your body has a natural weight and ability to eat well if you can learn to trust it rather than fight it. This is possible.

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