Is my BF right about my diet?(9 Posts)
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and love him very much. The problem is the comments he makes about my diet. Last year I lost a stone and in my mind I have another stone to go. I’m a size 12/14 at present. My meals tend to be healthy but I do like the occasional bag of crisps, and I’m not going to lie my love of chocolate borders on an addiction.
The issue is my boyfriend used to be bigger than he is now and he is now evangelical about what he eats and how often he exercises. You can guess what’s coming next, yep he has started commenting on what I eat, and asking me if I’m going to go to my diet club.
When we first met I ran a few times a week but I hurt my foot last year and fell out of the habit. I’ve started running again now due to his nagging but the comments about what I eat are really getting me down.
I’ve told him I don’t like it and he gets really upset that he’s upset me and admits it’s all to do with his feelings about his own weight, but then he just does it again.
What do I do? Is he right? Should I be listening to him and cutting out all the crap and be glad he’s worrying about my weight. Or, am I right to think it is ok to have a few treats given the weight loss I’ve achieved. I’ll get back on the wagon and lose the other stone in my own time. And if I’m right, how do I make him stop passing comment?
So he knows it upsets you but he continues to do it.
What does that tell you op?
So when you speak to him about this he gets really upset that he's upset you and makes it all about poor him? A more normal response would be to calmly apologise that he's upset you, to say it won't happen again and then not to do it again. He sounds like a bit of a knob to me.
Whether he is "right" or not isn't the point. He shouldn't be making you feel low when in fact motivation to diet and exercise usually comes most from feeling good and achieving something!
You should make it very clear you want support, not to be told what to do. We all know what to do---- eat less do more. It's more about making positive choices together. If you want to reward yourself with the odd chocolate don't be made to feel guilty of you feel you've deserved it go right ahead!
Just my two cents
No your boyfriend is not right about your diet. A healthy diet should be a sustainable one that includes healthy food, but also, reasonable amounts of not so healthy food. You have to find an eating style that suits you and that is something you can do long term. Cutting out all chocolate and crisps is not sustainable long term for most people.
He's going to end up falling off his wagon and piling the pounds back on (that and continue being a miserable git).
He knows he's doing it, knows he's in the wrong and makes out that he's upset when you point it out?
He's doing that on purpose. Not very nice at all. You're not allowed to be irritated/hurt/upset because it'll cause him to get upset. On its own it's not a red flag but do have a think about whether he does manipulative things like this in other areas of your life.
Anything you could 'helpfully' begin to pass comment on? Something he's a bit self conscious of? Because rather than pointing out that he's being insensitive, I'd just reply: "True, I probably shouldn't be having this latte right now but I quite fancy it and want to lose this next stone slowly anyway. Did your back acne get any better or should we have a look for a new body wash later?"
Thanks for the comments. LostMyDotBrain you made me laugh out loud! Next time he comments on my food I'll be commenting on his skin!
He's not manipulative or mean, I think it is just his own insecurities about his weight coming out in comments to me. I'll fight fire with fire from now on!
I get comments like that and it winds me up. But I know it comes from the right place, I tell him to bugger off and he drops it. Or sometimes I don't eat it.
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