Feeling rather sorry for myself (and angry at myself!) as I have finally stopped denying the fact that I've gained most of the 3 and a half stone I spent the past year losing!
None of the nice new clothes I bought fit me anymore, and I've had to buy bigger sizes as I threw all my old fat clothes out.
I just wish I could eat like a "normal" person and not binge.
My mum was overweight for most of her life and suffered with bulimia. Since the age of 11 she singled me out amongst my siblings as, unlike them, I wasn't naturally slim. I very much have the same body type as her and she would force me to weigh myself every week. If I hadn't lost any weight she would scold me, she would only buy me new clothes if I lost enough weight to fit in the smaller size, she would glare at me if I dared join in with the rest of the family and have pudding on a special occasion.
Typing this makes me so emotional and angry because I still blame her for doing this to me. After she left I binge ate in secret and my weight ballooned, I was nearly 18 stone at 18 years old and never felt good enough to be her daughter (she lost a lot of weight, won an award, was in the paper photographed with my sibling because "the slimmer of the year can't have a fat daughter")
So here I am, over 15 years later still battling with my weight, still hating myself and sabotaging every attempt I make to lose weight!
I just want to eat like a normal person, everything in moderation. Maybe I can be one of those people that can have a few biscuits in the evening every now and then without eating the whole pack and making myself feel sick!
Sorry, this is turned into a massive self pitying rant, I suppose I'm just hoping there might be someone else out there who can relate?
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Does anyone else have a massively dysfunctional relationship with food and just wish they could eat like a normal person?
16 replies
OhAnotherNameChange · 27/12/2016 18:41
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