Does anyone else have a massively dysfunctional relationship with food and just wish they could eat like a normal person?

[OhAnotherNameChange]

Feeling rather sorry for myself (and angry at myself!) as I have finally stopped denying the fact that I've gained most of the 3 and a half stone I spent the past year losing!

None of the nice new clothes I bought fit me anymore, and I've had to buy bigger sizes as I threw all my old fat clothes out.

I just wish I could eat like a "normal" person and not binge.

My mum was overweight for most of her life and suffered with bulimia. Since the age of 11 she singled me out amongst my siblings as, unlike them, I wasn't naturally slim. I very much have the same body type as her and she would force me to weigh myself every week. If I hadn't lost any weight she would scold me, she would only buy me new clothes if I lost enough weight to fit in the smaller size, she would glare at me if I dared join in with the rest of the family and have pudding on a special occasion.

Typing this makes me so emotional and angry because I still blame her for doing this to me. After she left I binge ate in secret and my weight ballooned, I was nearly 18 stone at 18 years old and never felt good enough to be her daughter (she lost a lot of weight, won an award, was in the paper photographed with my sibling because "the slimmer of the year can't have a fat daughter")

So here I am, over 15 years later still battling with my weight, still hating myself and sabotaging every attempt I make to lose weight!

I just want to eat like a normal person, everything in moderation. Maybe I can be one of those people that can have a few biscuits in the evening every now and then without eating the whole pack and making myself feel sick!

Sorry, this is turned into a massive self pitying rant, I suppose I'm just hoping there might be someone else out there who can relate?

[nc060]

Me, I eat in secret, for no reason except shame! My husband is hugely supporting of me and my weight loss journey. I guess I don't want to let him down.

[SSYMONDS]

That's awful OP. Your mum probably thought she was helping you but she has done so much harm.
You deserve to eat a normal amount of nice food without feeling you have to binge. Maybe you could see a therapist that specialised in eating disorders?

[Diamondsmiles]

I totally relate to your eating OP. Christmas makes it all worse because there is so much food available everywhere!

[MrsDustyBusty]

I hear you. I am always terrified of not getting far more than my fair share of any food and I just gorgeous myself as a result. As a child, I ate in secret and got into fierce trouble for it. My parents remember it as a funny story. I can hardly bear to hear about it.

I was sent to run laps in the garden. I had a special tin of diabetic biscuits in a tin (I'm not diabetic). I wasn't allowed the food everyone else had. I was enrolled in aerobics classes after school in primary school. I wasn't obese and I hadn't any health problems. I hated my body though, to the extent that I wore a t-shirt to bathe.

The only thing that helps me is to be horrible. My best weight loss success was when I joined WW with a friend and mentally used it as a competition. She thought we were being mutually supportive but I really wanted to win. I did too. Temporarily.

I really need to fix this.

[scaredofthecity]

It can be done!! I have suffered with binge eating and then bulimia for years but finally I am at a good place with food.

I can just have a few biscuits instead of the whole packet and have kept my healthy weight at a steady level (within half stone) for the last year.
I think the key for me is never to let myself get to hungry, try to avoid sugar as much as possible as it's the sugar lows that trigger binges, and try my best to eat at regular times. Also to recognise how my cycle affects my appetite, I know that when I have pmt I will eat everything in sight, but this is only for one day a month and it talky isn't that big a deal. So now I just embrace it knowing the next day that crazy hunger will go away.

I too had childhood influences that gave me a very unhealthy relationship with food. I had counseling and cbt and they didn't help. It was having my son, and wanting to be normal for him that I think has finally helped. Plus being happier and just not having any free time to stuff my face. Also having something to do with my hands in the evening, I crochet and don't eat as then I have to wash my hands otherwise I make the wool dirty.

Sorry I realise this is a bit rambly but years ago I wished the same thing and I think finally I have got there. So you guys can to!

[Msqueen33]

Yup I could have written this post. I find moderation really tough. Like you I've put on about three stone. I have considered going to overeaters anon but not sure I can pluck up the courage. Here if you ever want to chat.

[Isadora2007]

I am sitting here after having really bad diarrhoea brought on by the fact that since 3.30pm I have had 5/6 quality streets, a huge pack of walkers sensation crisps, quarter tub of dip and a full plate of cauliflower cheese bake and 3 cans of juice.

I am so disappointed in myself. But when I feel uncomfortable emotions I eat... so it's a vicious circle.

My binge eating began as I had early puberty and was miserable with my puppy fat and pmt. now eating is my default setting.

It's bloody hard. I'm a good 3-4 stones overweight and I am trying so hard to get fitter and concentrate on my health and fitness rather than my size or weight... but it's just now really working. Or the eating and fat makes the fitness and exercise so much harder for me...

Sigh.

[RaspberryBeret34]

My friend was like this for years - constantly swinging between restriction and overeating. She started overeaters anonymous (hope I'm not outing her by putting this here!) and has spent the best part of a year free from all the food issues and is really dealing with the underlying causes. She is doing amazingly well and it has really changed her life, I know she'd hugely recommend it.

[crazydoglady6867]

I have just been thinking exactly this. I have gained 6lb in a week and I honestly don't think I have eaten that much. Since I have been older (50) I can only have about 1500 calories a day otherwise I gain weight. Sometimes I can pack away 3000 and that is not normal for anyone. The worst thing for me is that I can see my 22 year old daughter eating like I do and it breaks my heart it really does, I can't bear the thought of her feeling like I have for the last 40 years. On a lighter note I got a gym membership for Christmas and I am feeling motivated, happy new year!!!

[OhAnotherNameChange]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!

I've made it my goal to get back to the place I was half a year ago, I was low carbing and had lost 3 and a half stone, I didn't really get hungry and I barely snacked. Then one stupid day of weakness set me off and it's been months of eating crap, beige food that just makes me feel even more hungry.

I have considered counselling, I know my issues with food are emotional. If I'm stressed or sad I eat because I think it will make a bad day feel better.

Low carbing worked for me but I do hate how restrictive it can be (I have to go very low carb to lose and track everything on MFP to make sure I'm on track)

On the plus side, yesterday I went for a jog for the first time in 3 months and I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be, it wasn't like starting from scratch but I had ruined all the hard work I put in to building up my fitness.

What really terrifies me is that I have a 3yo DD. I look at her and I'm terrified that she'll end up like me, I don't want to pass my issues on to her and make her feel the way my mum made me feel. I want for her to be healthy and for me to be a positive role model in her life, I know I can be but I'm just stuck in such a rut right now.
Starting again today (which is rubbish as there is still left over Christmas food in the house. 2 unopened extra large bars of galaxy chocolate that I got for my secret Santa that I can't even look at because I'm just sick of eating so much crap!)

Thanks so much for all your replies, I'm feeling more positive today I'm also putting the scales away as I get obsessed and end up weighing in everyday and obsessing over every fluctuation. I want to spend a few weeks getting back into the swing of it without obsessing about numbers!

[TaffyandTeenyTaffy]

I have used a hypnosis app to retrain my brain in relation to food. the one i have is called virtual gastric band. made me much more conscious about what i am eating ...... and why (emotional).

[Christmassnake]

I'm the same.i just wish Christmas didn't involve all the food,I go to the gym regularly but Dec I seem to hardly get there,can't wait for all the Christmas food to be gone,last year I gave loads of it away,this yr I hardly bought any,but still it's in the cupboard...

[Bestbees]

Come and join us on the no s thread. No sweets snacks or seconds except on days beginning with s. Slow progress towards sustainable weightloss that helps avoid binging and focuses on a way of eating for healthy life rather than weight loss as the focus. Good luck with you journey.

[Newyearnewbrain]

Or come and get some support on the binge eating/eating disordered eating thread. You wouldn't think to look at me that I've had an eating disorder but I have, for years, and now I'm battling to find a normal relationship with food. Fuck me, it's exhausting.

You really aren't alone. There are, sadly, quite a few of us.

[Newyearnewbrain]

Binge Eating Disorder Support 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/2652882-Binge-Eating-Disorder-Support-4

Here's the link

[almostenglish]

Sounds awful OP.

You need to know that it isn't your fault and that things can change.

Look up the National Centre for Eating Disorders, they'll be able to point you in the right direction for help. Good luck!