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enough! what has happened to my willpower?

(76 Posts)
StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 11:45:00

Quite a few years ago I lost a lot of weight. I was over 16s and lost loads, at my lightest I was 10.5 s. However it's now creeping on, and I'm nearing a weight I said I'd never be again (13s). I know all this. I start these threads every few months. Why has my willpower deserted me.
I've logged back on to mfp and goals are to start logging and to do level 1 of the shred most days.
why am I struggling so much?

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StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 11:51:37

I know what I'd be saying to others, stop it now, you don't need to hit 13s. By Christmas you could have lost a stone etc etcm

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PoldarksBreeches Sun 06-Nov-16 11:56:07

I don't know. I'm the same. It makes me want to cry yet still I over eat. I don't know what to do.

EmeraldIsle100 Sun 06-Nov-16 11:58:21

Are you under a lot of stress at the moment? That might explain it. Life can be hard and if it was easy to lose weight and keep it off we wouldn't be having this discussion.

I am under stress at the moment and have been eating everything in sight. I went shopping yesterday and I am not exaggerating but everything looked pure crap. My normal size felt tight. At least this experience has jolted me to actually do something.

I am not recommending that you do this, it was pretty awful but maybe your are under a lot of pressure. I sometimes find that when I set a deadline to lose weight I start to overeat under the pressure.

I am going to go to the shop and buy healthy food today so that there are healthy options. Maybe this would work for you.

Good luck, you are definitely not alone.

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 12:00:54

Im not under any more stress than usual but it is stress/tiredness/boredom that makes me eat. I just seem to lose the ability to manage it effectively.

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EmeraldIsle100 Sun 06-Nov-16 12:07:14

Would it help to have someone to check in with everyday? It might help if you felt accountable to another person. I haven't tried this but would be willing to give it a go. God knows I need to do something.

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 12:17:08

I don't know. I seem to start these threads every now and again full of good intentions and they never go anywhere. I'm very happy to try but I can't see any way to get my previous willpower back.

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StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 13:19:23

Ugh sorry to be a misery. I am going to get up at 5 and do the shred. And I am going to log my food. I'm lacking motivation in many areas of my life. Think if I can resolve one others will follow.

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BifsWif Sun 06-Nov-16 14:39:05

Can I join here to have a moan? I worked really hard to lose over 2 stone in 2014. Stepped on the scales today and I'm right back to my heaviest weight. Why do I do it?
I quit smoking last year so I know I have willpower, I just can't seem to apply any to dieting.
I need to lose this weight and keep it off, but how?

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 15:42:51

Bifs sad wish o knew.
well done for quitting thoufh, that is amazing.
I've not got any energy at all today. Not been motivated to do anything other than eat chocolate.
I never sleep during the day but tempted to gave a sleep to see if I wake up feeling human

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StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Nov-16 21:18:47

Today has been crap. Hoping tomorrow is better but I can't say I feel particularly motivated.

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EmeraldIsle100 Sun 06-Nov-16 23:53:25

Have you been to see your doctor about the stress and tiredness you are experiencing? If boredom is your main problem try to set yourself a task, something that you enjoy or maybe enjoyed in the past.

StealthPolarBear Mon 07-Nov-16 06:11:12

No I don't think it's at that stage, cpuld be wrong. I think my problem is that unless I force myself to do some exercise I feel lacking in motivation and lethargic for the rest of the day. Just got up and done level 1 of the shred so am hoping today will be better. I'm also going to try to get out in the sunshine every day, even just for five minutes. That small amount of exercise has done my aches and pains loads of good.

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StealthPolarBear Mon 07-Nov-16 06:12:47

Actually the more I think about it this is definitely somethig I'm doing to myself and something I can fix. I'm just an idiot. Anyway, I'm not going to weigh myself for a while and the name of the game is "blind faith " - I know this stuff works but it won't work immediately!

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StealthPolarBear Mon 07-Nov-16 06:19:12

Emerald and bif how are you both?

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SharingMichelle Mon 07-Nov-16 06:45:33

I find this topic endlessly fascinating. I feel that there is a massive piece of the puzzle missing.

I was fat for years. Didn't really mind being fat tbh. I mean, obviously if someone had given me a magic button to press to be toned and slim I'd have pressed the everliving bejeezus out of it, but I didn't want it enough to stop eating shedloads of cheese and crisps whenever I felt like it.

And then one morning I woke up and thought, "okay now I'll be slim" and I lost 16kg and took up loads of exercise. I'm a size 10 now. I exercise about 6 hours a week so am very fit and toned.

I mean - I have really nice arms. I can't express how mindblowing this is to me. I've had big flabby mum arms since my 20s and now approaching 40 I have these beautiful, lithe, shapely upper arms. I can't stop looking at the feckin things. It's hard to believe they're mine.

But... BUT... I don't really, truly feel that any of this was my decision. Not really. I'm just floating around in the tide and for years it pulled one way and then one day it pulled the other way and here I am.

I could not have done this if I had had to 'make' myself iyswim. It just happened. I mean, obviously I worked hard for it to happen (and still do - I've done an hour of weights and run up a hill three times this morning) but it's just the obvious, easy thing to do. Like saying no to overeating. I'm honestly not gagging for crisps and cheese and cake. It just doesn't seem like the right thing to eat right now so I don't.

I think I have gone from one setting to a different setting. I don't know how or why I did, and I wonder a lot about if / when I'll switch back. I think slim people are naturally on this setting.

I don't think there are many people who are slim because they live an anguished life of denial (some, but not many).

Is this just a total load of bollocks or can anyone relate even slightly to any of this?

CantReadMyPokerFace Mon 07-Nov-16 06:48:51

Sharing, did that tie in with changes that were going on in other areas of your life? I wish that would happen to me grin

StealthPolarBear Mon 07-Nov-16 06:51:55

Sharing with me I hit 16s6 and to some extent it was like a switch was thrown. I don't think I had it quite as easy as you but I did suddenly develop major willpower from nowhere. I do think it's about mindset.
I'm not countingy chickens yet, I've exercised this morning and plan to log my calories (logging is actually more important than how many I eat!). Hoping I can keep it up.

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siblingrevelryagain Mon 07-Nov-16 06:52:55

I'm 2 stone down with another stone to lose (the same 3 stone I've lost twice already over the years!).

What is different for me now is that I don't weigh myself (had to be weighed by doc, so I know I'm technically two stone lighter-I reckon on needing another stone off but I'll know when I get to the right weight; it may be sooner). In the past, if I'd lost on the scales I was more inclined to reward myself with a treat and ease off on 'the diet'. If I hadn't lost, yet felt I'd 'been good' I'd eat because I was disillusioned and pissed off. I can tell I'm losing by how my tummy feels, and how I'm mivingbtgrough clothes sizes/how things fit.

If it helps I'll share what is (finally) working for me. Believe me, I'm no expert (although ironically I was a weight watchers leader in the past!), but I have been dieting and watching my weight since my early 20's, so I've tried most things. I can say with confidence that this is the most successful I'm finally changing habits, rather than just denying myself:

1) to ensure I'm never hungry (and I never am; I want certain foods at certain times but it's never because of actual hunger), I cook Every 2/3 days. I have a core of recipes (curry/chilli/bolognese/sweet and sour) which i make in big pots and portion into pots in the fridge. I cook enough brown rice for a couple of days, cool it quickly and keep in the fridge also. I take a 'meal' to work (probably 2/3 the size of curry/rice I'd have as a main meal), as this is more filling and healthier than soup or sandwich. Then, once kids in bed I'm only ever minutes away from a filling and healthy meal.
Needless to say, the food I make is with lean meat, plenty of veg and only 1 tsp oil, so it's low fat.

2) I've now (mostly!) got my head around treats. My philosophy now is that I'll have treats and try to tell myself I won't deny myself anything as long as it has some health benefit and/or is a 'natural' food. So for example, I'll have nice cheese or olives instead of 3 or 4 packs of crisps. Or nice, expensive dark chocolate instead of necking a load of Cadbury fun size. I finally get what people mean when they say the real stuff satisfies you quicker. A small amount of cheese or butter is more satisfying than a shit load of the diet versions, and feels more indulgent. Plus, if I'm getting some calcium or other nutrients it's a better pay off for my skin etc.

3) I kept quiet about being on a diet initially. At work, people are very quick to persuade you to have a cake when you say you're on a diet. When I would decline because of health reasons (indigestion/cholesterol) or say I'd have one later it was less of an issue. Interestingly it was the same with giving up smoking; when you say you're giving up, suddenly everyone wants to crash and persuade you to reward your hard work with a fag!

4) I don't buy the stuff that I find difficult to resist. I don't keep crisps or too many biscuits in the house (I don't want the kids eating too many anyway, so I buy as we need or they have them at grandmas). If I want to treat myself on a weekend night I'll buy what I want/need and either give the rest to my mom to look after (if it's in a size or offer too good to resist), or bite the bullet and just get what I'll use that evening. If it's in the house it calls to me and tests my 'willpower'. I don't want to always feel like I'm denying myself, I want to be at a place where I'm in control.

Sorry if this sounds preachy. Believe me, I can still be only minutes away from a six pack of monster munch, but I feel quite evangelical that, at 41, it's finally getting right in my head.

RainyAfternoon Mon 07-Nov-16 06:57:21

Yes me! Hope you don't mind me joining in… I am trying to gather motivation to go out and do some exercise this morning… I lost about 2 1/2 stone a few years ago and, as you say, sharing, it was mentally easy. I joined a weight loss group and just ate the right things. I knew what I had to eat, but there was never any temptation to do otherwise, never any struggle in my head to going get a piece of cake or something.
Now, four years on, I have had another baby, and put all that weight back on and more. I know what I need to do to lose the weight, but I don't seem to find the motivation. I snack on sweets late at night. I eat the wrong things. I can't be bothered to go out for a run… and even when I do, I walk half the time. I am really struggling to find that willpower.
But I have noticed that I am also unmotivated in other areas of my life – work, doing interesting things with the children, food planning for the family, cleaning and tidying... I feel like I am just mentally tired at the moment. We have moved temporarily overseas, so maybe that is part of what is taking up all my energy. It's just all a bit of a slog at the moment!
Right, with that moan, I am going to get dressed into some sports kit and see if some fresh air will invigorate me.

PoldarksBreeches Mon 07-Nov-16 08:16:45

Damn I wish I could find that switch! I found it a little bit this year when it comes to exercise. I've started running and although I haven't made much progress I've kept it up, which is amazing to me. But I still over eat and I don't run as much as I would need to to improve my fitness drastically.

So for me I eat when I'm bored and anxious. I'm alone a lot in the evenings so lots of boredom eating goes on. I need to deal with boredom and anxiety as well as food.

I've logged today's food on mfp so that's a start!

Bluntness100 Mon 07-Nov-16 08:24:19

I think this is really common. I put on weight years ago, lost about three stone, got down to a size ten, stayed that way for about ten years, stopped smoking, put on two/ two and a half stone and have about seven to ten pounds still to lose on my way back down again,

It's a bastard, no two ways about it, I do the gym five days a week, for about an hour, and every single time I go, I try to talk myself out of it and why I should really just sit on my backside and do sod all.

It's just will power. You've just got to do it. I find low carb works for the dieting, as I don't have cravings any more. I also find putting my old clothes on is a big motivator, it's like a reality check in terms of how making it sink in.

Bluntness100 Mon 07-Nov-16 08:32:58

Also, if it helps, when uou start seeing results, it makes a huge difference to uour motivation. I have an important work meeting to attend, and although I'm not back to where I was, I have bought a pair of black slim fit trousers in a 12 that are actually slightly large on me, and a black Karen milled sleeveless top and am delighted at how different I look and how much better than when I was pushing a 16. I put them on yesterday and thought, gosh I look OK, not how I used to be, which was wearing the same old stretchy skirt and jumper and being pissed off by the image in the mirror.

That's horrible, that getting up and thinking uou look shit, feeling slightly embarrassed, so think of the results and how much better you will feel when you get dressed.

Thefitfatty Mon 07-Nov-16 08:37:45

Part of it is that your body doesn't like to lose weight. It reacts to losing weight by slowing your metabolism, and when you try to eat like a normal person you end up putting weight on because your default daily intake is much lower than a person who has never gained weight.

You got to 10st but your body didn't like that, so it's creeping back up to a weight it feels comfortable at.
Have you continued eating normally and exercising and seeing if your weight stops at 13 stone?
If it does than (for now) that could be your bodies default happy weight. You can start moving that default down, but not by crash or fad diets. You need to continue to eat healthy and exercise, cut maybe 200 or 300 calories from your diet and slowly let your body adjust, your metabolism sort itself out, and after awhile you'll start to drop.

Or you could do what I've done and learn to love yourself at this weight, eat healthy, exercise, and no longer obsess about food.

BeBe32 Mon 07-Nov-16 11:46:08

I feel exactly the same! I can't believe that after working so hard to lose weight last year I have put it all back on. I feel like such a failure. I know I've done it before but I just don't think I believe I can do it anymore, I'm so fed up of starting again and again and again...

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