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How do you avoid office cake culture?

(27 Posts)
ElphabaTheGreen Wed 02-Nov-16 15:23:30

My office is an absolute bugger for cake, sweets, biscuits, chocolate, baked goods etc etc. We have a designated area in the office on top of a filing cabinet for stuff people bring in, and there's rarely a day goes by that it isn't stocked with something calorific. In the event that it's empty, we have an emergency chocolate supply cupboard, which gets routinely re-stocked by anyone who goes on mat leave, changes jobs, gifts from patients (yes, we're bloody NHS staff not following dietary guidelines blush). Every Friday is 'Cake Friday' where we all sit down to lunch together and there is a rota set up for two people, each week, to bring in cakes.

It's fucking wonderful dire.

I would never be such a stick in the mud to suggest curbing it, as my issue with being incapable of leaving anything on offer alone is just that - my issue.

So how do I leave it alone?? Any suggestions? My willpower is crap. I never, ever buy anything like that for home because I could never eat it in moderation, but it's at my face level all day, every day in work. I'm pretty good at keeping out of the emergency chocolate but the stuff that's easily grabbable is killing me.

What do I dooooooo?!

OP’s posts: |
HateMrTumble Wed 02-Nov-16 15:58:05

You leave your job. And give it to me, it sounds like everyday heaven.

VoyageOfDad Wed 02-Nov-16 16:02:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkiePiesCupcakes Wed 02-Nov-16 16:02:51

I'd also leave, not because I want your job, but I'm a stick in the mud.

Fuck off. Expecting me to biuy cakes for every other shit bag in an office just because some dippy fuck with thinks its a good idea. Bollox. If I want to buy cakes I will, shove your rota up your fucking arse you entitled and expectant pieces of shit. My money is needed for my bills, not to fill your faces with sugary shit. Cunts.

I'm popular grin

Mummamayhem Wed 02-Nov-16 16:05:07

I have a similar problem, it's so annoyingly tempting and I am incapable of eating 'just one' of anything...only thing that works is not having anything, not looking/thinking and absolutely don't have 'just one'

Flanderspigeonmurderer Wed 02-Nov-16 16:05:52

Can you just stick to cake Friday and have a small slice. That way you have a little treat to look forward to. Can you put some of your own snacks in the cupboard? Nuts, fruit?

reader77 Wed 02-Nov-16 16:09:23

Have a good breakfast and take in protein rich snacks so you're not peckish.

Or convince yourself the sweet stuff has poo as a main ingredient. grin

FrickOnAStick Wed 02-Nov-16 16:37:44

Your colleagues are double dippers with spitty fingers who don't wash their hands post loo.

littlerose12345 Wed 02-Nov-16 16:39:11

Wowzers, sounds like your office is a bit OTT on the cakes!

ElphabaTheGreen Wed 02-Nov-16 17:34:15

You're all so helpful, especially pinkiepies grin

I do the high protein, nuts as snacks thing. I just end up eating both. I also try desperately to keep to one small slice on a Friday, but then all the left-over trick or treats turned up on of Quality Street from the grateful patient on the Monday...

Sadly they're not double dippers with wee on their fingers. We've all got permanent dermatitis on our hands from the amount we wash them because of infection control.

Envisioning poo (and maybe skin flakes from the dermatitis) as a key ingredient is pretty much the path I think I'll have to head down.

OP’s posts: |
oldlaundbooth Wed 02-Nov-16 17:36:19

Can you say you are pre diabetic and need to monitor your sugar levels?

ElphabaTheGreen Wed 02-Nov-16 17:38:53

'Glutton intolerant' VoyageofDad? That would make me intolerant of myself. Especially when I see my arse in a mirror

Can't really use the 'pre-diabetic' excuse. It's not other people shoving crap in my face - just me and my complete lack of restraint.

OP’s posts: |
ChuckGravestones Wed 02-Nov-16 17:47:54

Can you give yourself a sticker chart? A sad face for each cake and a happy face each day you managed to avoid the cake?

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Wed 02-Nov-16 17:54:22

Take a slice of cake. Cover in fairy liquid. Throw away. Not only have you not eaten it, but you can't now take more for propriety's sake.

Chottie Wed 02-Nov-16 17:55:14

Oh dear!

Could you start bringing in healthy things to share and gradually over time convert everyone? vain hope, I expect you are thinking

ElphabaTheGreen Wed 02-Nov-16 18:08:15

Some wag put fruit in the cake place for a while. It got ignored and started to smell hmm

OP’s posts: |
ElphabaTheGreen Wed 02-Nov-16 18:09:04

Sticker chart is a bizarrely good idea. I do actually respond to that sort of thing...

OP’s posts: |
NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown Wed 02-Nov-16 18:12:44

I look at a photo of some mouldy bread that I keep on my phone when I get the urge to eat office cake.

I'm aware that I sound insane, but it makes me feel so sick that I then don't want to eat anything.

BuggerOffDailyMail Wed 02-Nov-16 19:27:07

Do you work in my office?

I had EXACTLY this problem a few months ago but I solved it by sending a lighthearted email to my immediate colleagues. I felt vulnerable sending it, but I donned my big girl pants like a trooper and it solved itsmile

This was my email:


As you all know, I have to shove myself into a wedding dress in 18 months time and the constant flow of cakey, chocolatey goodness around this place is not helping project shrinkage.

If you'd all be so kind, I'd like to invoke a ban on offering me food. From now on assume I don't want any and it's no longer rude not to offer it, remember you're doing me a huge favour!

Thanks guys,


No one has offered me food since and when someone from outside our immediate team offers food to me, usually one of the others pipes up with 'we don't offer BODM food, she doesn't eat it' grin

Lilaclily Wed 02-Nov-16 19:29:48

I'm loving the fact you work in the NHS and stuff yourselves with sugar grin

Bluepowder Wed 02-Nov-16 19:32:02

Bring in strawberries and grapes instead?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 02-Nov-16 19:39:20

My former team had to bring in "cakes" for birthdays, weddings, babies, minor misdemeanours etc so with a large team of about 30 people there'd be cakes every week. Often numerous times.
But there were a few health nuts so normally there'd be a few packs of cakes and sweetie things then a bag of satsumas or a punnet of grapes. It worked well and loads of people got on board with it.
Suggest a mix of cake and fruit on your turn and see if it catches on?

ChangedDaily Wed 02-Nov-16 19:39:44

Great email BODM - I think you really nailed the tone there.

Bluepowder Wed 02-Nov-16 19:43:35

There's a constant diet and cake culture at my work, which is just weird.

Ohyesiam Wed 02-Nov-16 20:21:12

When I was a student nurse, one Xmas we had 5 of those massive tins of quality street and roses just sitting on the nurses station. I some how managed to ignore them until the end of my shifts, when I would pocket 3 and walk out. It worked.
After several days all that was left was the strawberry and orange creams, all decanted into one massive tin!

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