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Musings about other people noticing you have lost weight.

(14 Posts)
Camperdine Mon 24-Oct-16 12:43:14

I have gone down about a size in the last few months. I still have a couple of sizes to go so I am by no means slim yet.

What has struck me today is that I have had lots of people comment on, and compliment me on my weight loss so far. Most of these people are people I hardly know, just people who I encounter on a regular basis but don't get chatting to.

My parents, in particular my father, have a big issue with my weight. I used to be quite slim and fit and they said I was obsessed with exercise at a time when I used to do 2 fitness videos a week and walk their dog occasionally. Then I gained weight post dc and my father would go on about how fat I was, laughing at me, making really impolite comments. Now it is obvious that I have lost some weight he has said nothing. I don't think it is possible that they haven't noticed.

We don't have a great relationship so it's no skin off my nose, but it just seems so weird that they haven't said anything.

I am not seeking validation from them, (cause I won't get any!!!) but this has been quite the eye opener. Has anyone experienced similar?

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Sugarandsalt Mon 24-Oct-16 12:55:08

I get quite uncomfortable when people bring it up and I don't know why! I also haven't told anyone in real life how much I have lost (4stone) as I still have 1-2 to go at least and am probably embarrassed that I got so big in the first place.

Camperdine Mon 24-Oct-16 13:04:52

Yes, I get a bit embarrassed too. I think it is because it is an acknowledgement of how big I was/am!

Wow! 4 stone is an amazing achievement! Well done!

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strongandlong Mon 24-Oct-16 13:43:28

This post has a good analysis of why doesn't necessarily feel like a compliment.

Camperdine Mon 24-Oct-16 13:59:57

That is a really interesting blog!

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QuimReaper Mon 24-Oct-16 14:07:18

It sounds like your problems with your parents run much deeper than weight, but for my part I know what you mean about people commenting on weight loss.

I think that blog post is really interesting, and I agree with a lot of it. When people don't comment on weight gain but then congratulate you on a loss it does make you feel that they've been silently judging the entire time, and can make you feel paranoid.

When I went on a hugely strict diet before our wedding my DH commented that I was looking very slim and I let loose on him, poor bloke - he really did just mean it as an encouraging compliment because he knew how hard I'd been working on it, but I am especially sensitive to him secretly thinking I'm fat.

It annoys me when some of my friends comment on it too because I have this weird idea that they disapprove.

It's a fucked-up subject.

strongandlong Mon 24-Oct-16 17:44:16

I lost 3 stone in the run up to my wedding. My (notoriously blunt) uncle kept going on and on about it. He wouldn't believe that it was "only 3 stone - it must have been much more than that!". Definitely didn't count as complementary!

I did get lots of compliments and I did feel uncomfortable about it. Mostly for the reason that it meant that people had been monitoring and judging me. Ugh.

I'm sure they're all horrified by the state of me now! wink

AprilLady Mon 24-Oct-16 18:18:42

Interesting how differently people react to this. I have lost nearly 6 stone since the start of the year, having been very obese for previous 10 years.

I do look different now, and it would be impossible for anyone who knows me not to have noticed. I'm not uncomfortable with others remarking on it (once), as it is actually sometimes more awkward when they don't - I can often tell it's what they are thinking anyway. And I do take it as a compliment, and find it motivating.

That said, once acknowledged I'd rather people didn't go on about it, or ask exactly how much I have lost or what I have done to lose the weight, as if there was some magic to it.

Sirzy Mon 24-Oct-16 18:22:19

Do you see your parents regularly? It could easily be they haven't noticed the loss as much as others you see less regularly because it's a gradual change if that makes sense

ImperialBlether Mon 24-Oct-16 18:28:43

But Sirzy, it does sound as if her father is monitoring her body, in the way the blogger mentioned. It doesn't sound as though much gets past him.

Revealall Tue 25-Oct-16 15:00:07

I am genuinely amazed at those of you that are upset about people thinking you are fat to start with. Perhaps I have good self esteem but it doesn't worry me at all as I,know if I am fat and if I am, well, I know other people will think that too.

I think most women are good judges of size and weight actually.

I was thinking about my thread where no one had commented on my weight loss and I thought it might be because they think you are probably going to put it all back on again. Bit like commentary on a relationship break up where you know the couple will get back together...No point in to join in with her moaning about him when next month she's back with him.

Lottapianos Tue 25-Oct-16 15:09:46

'It's a fucked-up subject.

That is so true. I lost about 2 dress sizes a couple of years ago (depression, anxiety, grief and trying to take better care of myself due to all of the above). I felt and looked better but the weight loss still came from a very dark place. I absolutely hated people commenting on it, especially in front of others. Even when I said that I had been ill, some people couldn't shut up about it and being all cheerleader-like about it. There are all sorts of reasons why people lose weight and not all of them are fun ones.

Re your parents, its odd when people who are close to you don't comment on a big transformation. I had a fairly drastic change of haircut a few months ago and my parents and sister didn't' say a word. Nearly everyone else I know said lovely things but not a word from the three of them. Weird and yet perfectly in character for them all at the same time!

fluffiphlox Tue 25-Oct-16 15:13:01

I think sometimes people don't comment in case you are or have been ill.

Revealall Tue 25-Oct-16 18:03:11

fluffiphlox I guess that's why I don't mind people commented too. It means I genuinely look good for the weight loss. If people don't say anything I reckon they either have an agenda or they think you look worse.

Mind you I have a friend who I hadn't seen for while who had obviously lost loads of weight. She looked awful to be honest, didn't suit her face and looked 10 years older than she is. However I she was obviously so pleased with her weight loss I had to say "well done" rather than "Christ, what have you done?"

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