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comments about my weight, hurt.

(10 Posts)
diamond457 Fri 01-Apr-16 21:01:08

I've had a really stressful 2015 and start to 2016. I put on almost three stone I'm a 14/16 and feel miserable.
My mum has been making comments when I say I'm cooking something she will say oh you shouldn't be eating that or your needing to lose a bit weight, always oggling at me up and down.
I snapped at her yesterday and told her to stop making comments every time I say I'm making something and stop making comments about how many Easter eggs that are in my house...she thinks I'm going to eat them all!!
Today she gave me money a hundred quid to go buy myself new clothes and some loose fitting tops as apparently there is nothing worse than a heavy person in anything that isn't loose fitting.
I went round Tesco tonigt and picked out a load of stuff tried it on and I look hideous. I burst into tears in the fitting room and put it all back including a handbag and told my dp I didn't deserve it because I allowed myself to get fat.
I'm going on holiday in July and I don't want to be seen in sleeveless tops and swimwear, the thought makes me want to hide in a dark cave and never come out.

I want to join weight watchers and exercise but I worry about the costs of it all but I don't know what other choice I have. I obviously have no self control to do it myself. I feel so low and disappointed with myself. I've comfort ate a whole three stone at least within a year. How the hell am I going to get it off?
Please inspire me or give me some words of wisdom .

LadyintheRadiator Fri 01-Apr-16 21:08:51

flowers be kinder to yourself for a start. I've put on some weight in the last year too, after having lost quite a lot and swearing I'd never do that again - I used to be baffled at the idea of putting weight on hmm but life isn't black and white and we all deal with struggles in different ways. It's really easy to overeat by just enough to gain weight without pigging out all the time either. An extra piece of toast or biscuit a day adds up. You're human. You've done nothing wrong. I've turned to food for comfort when I've been struggling, well I don't want to do that anymore but I'm not a bad person because of it smile

If you want to make changes you have a lot of time between now and July. I want to lose 18lbs by then. I've rejoined Weight Watchers and am doing it online. The plan seems really easy and better than the old one IMO as it's more centred on fresh unprocessed food and less about convenience/packaged products.

Chocolatteaddict1 Fri 01-Apr-16 21:13:40

Ah op your mum is out of order. You should tell her to fuck off.

I joined slimming world as I thought it was easier than weight watchers. It was £5 joining fee and then a £5.00 every week. If you go Aldis the veg and fruit is pretty cheap and they always have offers on.

You can exercise by watching YouTube in your living room or going for a fast walk. I lost my weight after having dd this way.

Your mum verbally made you hate yourself and that's cruel angry 14-16 is not huge!! It will come off with small changes. I thought slimming world was so easy as it's not really a diet.

Why don't you either chuck the money back at her or try somewhere else tomoro on your own do you can browse through in peace. I always feel better when I'm shopping for clothes when I've bothered to do my hair and make up as I can frighten myself in the bloody shop mirrors !! grin

diamond457 Fri 01-Apr-16 21:18:56

Thanks really needed that.
I did weight watchers after I had dd six years ago and lost three stone but now I have more to lose but it worked well for me. I'm glad the new plan is more centred on fresh produce as I like to cook from scratch rather than use jars.
I will read up on it tonight and see about signing up. Call it an investment rather than a payOut ;)
Good luck with your weight loss too!

diamond457 Fri 01-Apr-16 21:24:46

I know chocolate it's really knocked my confidence to zero and I didn't have much in the first place. She's a big lady herself and I get the impression she's determined I'm not going the same way. But I'm 26 and I can decide what to put in my own mouth. I love fruit and veg and I'm fit and healthy just overweight. Its not like I live on takeouts and crisps.
I have got into the habit of wearing comfy clothes and don't really glam up but my sister is slim and fashionable, nails always done etc so I feel a bit compared.
I feel really hurt by it all.
I know, those shop mirrors are awful...think I will bring them home to try on and not bother with the shop mirrors that are basically just celulite highlighters!

Lizzylou Fri 01-Apr-16 21:37:01

Spend the money that your Mom gave you to make yourself feel better. Shoes, make up, bags, SW/WW registration, gym anything .
Please be kinder to yourself, I have put on 1.5 stone in the past 2 yrs through stress (how I wish I was one of those people who LOST weight through stress! No such luck!). It is only 1.5 stone because I am sporadically dieting. I need to find something and stick to it, but my circumstances don't allow for that at present. I have zero willpower when I have so many other things to stress about.
You are not a bad person, you are only human. I completely understand how Mother's can be very cruel but take some time to make yourself feel better. Zone out when she speaks! I do now and life is better for itwink

MrAliBongo Fri 01-Apr-16 22:02:37

God yes... Shop mirrors have some kind of bulge-enhancing filters on them! hmm

Got to agree with choc: your mum was lucky not to get a big F.O. for speaking to you like that. She may think she means well, but it definitely hurts, and it really doesn't help, does it?! what actually matters is how you feel about yourself... It's hard enough to invest time and energy into improving your diet at the best of times, and next to impossible when you feel worthless. Your mum is likely to undermine your efforts by making you feel like shit. Take your courage in both hands and tell her that she can either be genuinely supportive, or she can butt out.

Your enjoyment of cooking is your best friend here. Instead of seeing it as a denial of X, Y and Z, try to look on it as a project of discovering different, healthy foods. That might mean tinkering with your old favourites to reduce calories, or it might mean exploring completely different ways of eating. I've done a bit of both this last year (while counting calories). I still have my favourite pasta bakes, but with a MUCH higher proportion of vegetables to pad them out, I have a bagel for breakfast each morning, but it's home-made and much smaller than the shop bought kind, and most other meals are relatively low carb. I've been going for almost a year, lost 6.5 stone, and I don't see any reason why I can't keep it up for good.

Really good luck. You deserve to feel good about yourself, and if you can learn to do that as you currently are, it'll only help you on your way to your target weight.

diamond457 Fri 01-Apr-16 22:08:20

Exactly lizzylou when you deal with so much stress it's harder to lose weight. Food is a comfort and because I enjoy cooking it takes my mind of stress.
I spent a horrid two years working for a power driven bully and had my nerves shattered, walked out in February which added to financial stress then finding a new job and now I'm dealing with the stress of starting a new job, less hours, less money but will most likely be a lot happier and have more time with dd and dp. A lot of other things like losing a loved one, an operation etc too had added to my weight gain.
1.5 stone isn't a lot to lose, you will do that in no time! And will be In shape for the summer! Thank you, I will take your advice and spend some of that money!

diamond457 Fri 01-Apr-16 22:16:08

Wow mrali six stone is amazing! Congrats. That's a real achievement! I admire your will power.

Maybe the comments as shit as they are, are a blessing in disguise and will spur me on to kick my bad habits for good.
I'm def just going to buy clothes and keep an open mind about taking them back. Shop mirrors will only make me feel worse. Dp didn't know what to say when I came out the fitting rooms in tears, shoving the handbag back because I said I didn't deserve it and no matter what I buy I will still be fat. People must have thought I was mad!

BillyGoatGruff007 Sun 03-Apr-16 10:39:15

Oh gawd, my mum was exactly like that with me.
"Have you seen the size of your bottom ?"
"You'd better do something about your appearance or your DH will find someone else"....
I had those and worse comments from her all my adult life.

However, a few years ago I was a size 20 and now I'm size 8.
Just by being able to exercise more, walk much more, and eat more sensibly.

And I realised that DH, who has been slim all his life and never puts on an ounce, doesn't actually like food very much - he eats because he needs the fuel, not because eating is a pleasure.
So I've tried to take the same view.

Don't let your mum's comments get you down - why is it that we think it o.k. these days to be so rude ?
It started with treating smokers like dirt, and now it's overweight people who are getting it in the neck.
"Fat Shaming" ?? WTF ?
How about some encouragement instead of denigrating folk all the time.
Use your mum's money towards the cost of SW or WW and go for it !
And best of luck Diamond, - if I can do it, anyone can.

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