Horrified at myself today

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Hoping for some advice. Has anyone ever got to the point where you literally hate yourself. More specifically the way you look?

I went and had some photos taken of my beautiful kids a few days ago and the photographer insisted I be in the photos. I was reluctant as I know I'm overweight. I just didn't realise how overweight I am until today when the photos came back.

I'm horrified. I've put son much weight on that I can't bear to look at the pictures with me in them. I just sat and cried all night.

I'm 5ft 2 so not tall by any stretch of the imagination and I must be about 15 stone. I'm guessing here but last time I did slimming world I was 14 st ish and I'm much bigger now. Had a baby 5 months ago (no excuse as have always been fat). Also have a 3.5yr old ds.

Just can't seem to get out of the pattern of eating whatever I want. I have only ever stuck to one thing in my whole life which was quitting the cigs but as a 30 a day smoker of 13 years it left a whole that I couldn't fill.

I struggle with my health as during the winter months I get recurrent tonsilitis and my throat swells to the point where I find it very difficult to eat anything I can't mush up. So far since early December I have had 7 bouts of it and so life is quite difficult. I feel tired a lot so making home cooked meals can be hard (especially at the moment as I'm constantly sick)

I am hoping being as upset as I am today might spur me on to make a change but I just feel so low I'm scared I won't stick to it.

My kids deserve better than to watch their mum eat crap all day and my eldest has been weighed recently and is apparently perfectly within his weight range but I worry he is starting to pick up mine and dh's bad habits.

Any words of advice from you lovely mumsnetters? I just don't know how to make myself care about how crap I look and how to drag myself through the days when I feel poorly.

[timelytess]

Firstly, don't beat yourself up.
I had oat and fruit smoothies for a while - I put lots of nourishing things in. Good for sore throats.
I have it on good authority that lean meats and vegetables are the way forward. But I can't say 'Look at me, it works!' because I'm still fat

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

timelytess

I'm going to buy the aldi smoothie maker thing (like a copy of the nutritibullet) so that should help. Never thought of putting oats in!

Have done a massive shop with no junk so I'm trying to just attack this head on. Think the awful photos have done me a favour!

Just so disappointed I got to this! Kick up the button time for me now

[mumofthemonsters808]

Don't be so hard on yourself, most people don't like the way they look on photographs, I'm slim but still look awful. The first thing I would do, is get your tonsils out, my sister had hers removed and it was the best thing she had ever done, putting up with recurring tonsillitis is enough to send anyone over the edge.You can then start thinking about your weight, you've also just had a baby so your body is not functioning right, I think it takes a while for things to get back to normal.Try not to beat yourself up, you will turn this around, but everything can't be done at once.Perhaps put a plan together for the next few months, starting with cutting back on rubbish and introducing exercise into your busy schedule.

[NantucketNightbird]

I'm the same height as you op and I started in January at 13st 6, as of last Monday I was 12st 1 (couldn't get to weigh this week). I'm on the 52lbs in 52wks thread. Come join us, we all have a fair bit to shift and know it takes time. I have no confidence I can't even meet people's eyes. I have started to take more pride in my appearance though I feel like shit.

[maygirl]

I just want to say please don't regret the photos . To your kids you are perfect and beautiful as you are and they will love the pictures. There are no photos of me with my mum as a child as she was, and still is ashamed of how she looks. I couldn't understand it as a little girl because to me she was gorgeous .
Weight wise i'd advise focussing on health rather than looks. I'm doing slimming world and post on the slimming world support thread on here. If it worked well for you before perhaps buy the latest SW magazine for some recipe inspiration and join the thread for a chat.

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Ah thanks for the advice ladies sorry forate reply.

Mum you are bang on....I need to get tonsils sorted. I've put it off my whole life as am petrified of ga and have been fed so many horror stories about the pain and complications but it affects my life so much. I have apnoea, suffer from constant congestion, ear infections, dizziness, can't swallow easily and tonsilitis on top. I really do struggle every day so hopefully I'll bite the bullet and get them as*holes removed

Nantucket that's awful that you feel that way. I'm similar. I avoid any sort of attention especially from kids or teenagers. My confidence took a real knock when a toddler thought I was pregnant once. I wanted to just die then and there and it made it worse when the poor mum tried to back track. I'll have to check that out...always good to chat it out.
May how awful that your mum isn't in any pics. My excuse is that I'm always the one taking the pics but I now realise that I've been making excuses not to be in pics or videos. Were going away soon and I'm dreading getting my kit off at the pool with the other family we are going with. I'm the same as your mum I feel ashamed. It's like I have no control and have no self discipline.
Youre right about slimming world I loved it to be fair. Lost a stone and a half on it but just lost every bit of motivation when I fell pregnant.
I'd just like to fit into some nice jeans, without feeling uncomfortable and get rid of my enormous double chin (which I never noticed until yesterday). I just don't know how to start as it seems like climbing a mountain!

[MeganChips]

The pictures may have done you a favour.

I had a photo that was a real straw that broke the camel's back, I went to WW and stayed there. There have been some slight fluctuations over the years but I am 6 stone lighter now and have been for 8 years.

Don't hate yourself, just use it to push you in the right direction. Good luck.

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Also was wondering what sort of things you guys eat if you're trying to be a bit careful? I'm not very creative and basically just do things like pasta bakes with 5% fat mince. Don't really know much else...don't eat fish but eat pretty much anything else.

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Well done megan that's amazing. Did you ever have a relapse or managed to stick with it all this time?
I never seem to stick to it. I suppose I could go at it like I did with smoking and as they say "never give up giving up" cheesy but great mantra

[aintnothinbutagstring]

I'm doing low carb at the moment, I'm pretty much avoiding all wheat but will eat small amounts white rice/potato (struggle to do no-carb!). I find it easy with breakfast and lunch, I just eat natural yoghurt, fruit, veg crudités, rice cakes with pate or houmous. Dinner I'll just have what everyone else is having but smaller portion of carbs so we had curry tonight but I didn't have a lot of rice but ate more curry instead. I don't watch fat or calories as reducing carbs is enough to lose the weight. Wheat belly is a really good book and following a general paleo diet.

[maygirl]

I eat all sorts, roast dinners, Bolognese, curries, chilli con carne, Chinese style dishes . I make loads of recipes out of the SW magazine and website . I just make sure I have loads of veg or salad with every meal, like third to half the plate will be veg. I don't use extra fat to cook, only have 1 portion a day of cereal or bread: SW healthy extra B choice, so if had porridge for breakfast I wouldn't have a sandwich for lunch on that day. Omelettes, soups or salads for lunch. Snack on fruit, yogurts, cherry tomatoes, and lean cold meats and keep track of and limit my syns.
The most useful thing I think is planning in advance what I'm going to eat, so I have good food in the house, healthy snacks or packed lunch with me if out, and writing down what I actually end up eating. Just the act of doing a food diary can help you eat better . Hope you are feeling better .

[MeganChips]

I did gain a stone of it back last year but got back on the wagon and lost it. I'm now 5lbs under my goal weight.

I eat carefully but it's just habit for me again now. Today's food has been;

B 2 hard boiled eggs
L Soup
D Gammon steak with poached egg, broccoli and grilled tomatoes.

I am less careful at the weekends and will have too much wine but I don't eat many carbs. Menus will include chilli, curries, stews, roasts, steak, fish and chorizo stew etc.

I use MFP and if I want carbs will have them but just make sure I stay within my allowance.

[MeganChips]

I agree with maygirl about planning in advance too, it makes life so much easier.

[RunnerOnTheRun]

Steer clear of pasta unless you are an athlete burning it off? It is FULL of energy. Cut that out and bread, alone, and you will see super quick results!

My quick run down:
eggs,
meats
fish
all veg
all fruit
some brown rice
quinoa (like brown rice but more protein and less carbs)
nuts, seeds (bags of them in aldi!)

cut out cereal, bread, pasta and bob's your uncle.

Any concotion from the above list and you will lose fat all day long!

[RunnerOnTheRun]

Also definitely allow for "cheat meals" say on a friday or sat night, anything you like! It means you keep clean during the week and enjoy a portion or two of something you like and "get it out of your system" so to speak, ready to move on the next morning.

[Titsalinabumsquash]

I've been where you are OP, merrily going along in life knowing I was overweight but looking in the mirror thinking I was ok then someone took a photo of me and posted it on Facebook and I was gobsmacked, I sobbed and sobbed whilst looking at that person I didn't recognise.

I'm still overweight now (this was 2 babies ago) and desperately trying to get back into the right frame of mind to ditch the junk and just eat 3 meals a day. I'm struggling this time though.

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Wow such great ideas here. It seems the common denominator is the carbs really.
I don't do much exercise except extreme cleaning due to ds/dh/dd so can't rely on burning it all off.
I would probably struggle cutting it all out as I find carbs so filling and really enjoy a bowl of porridge or brown toast with eggs. I rarely drink so that's not normally a problem it's just I'm addicted to junk in the form of crisps and chocolate. They are my main crutch.
Love the idea of still having some carbs so I can still eat with everyone else just having a smaller portion.
May girl totally agree on planning. I used to do that when I lost the weight the first time but then I only had one child and a much easier day than I do now. I have tried this week to plan meals but sometimes get to the evening and am too pooped to actually make them. Will definitely be doing a veggie packed bolognese this week when I feel well enough as can usually make 6 portions out of it and ds loves it. Also agree on food diaries. I usually use the app on my phone but find on the days I've let slip massively I conveniently forget to write in it I did love sw for this actually as I would hand it in sometimes so no way of getting out of it.
Megan that's amazing...don't know how you get back to it once you've had a relapse? I've never been able to stop once I start spiralling. I have an addictive personality though. I like the sound of your meals, similar to things I'd usually do to be fair when I am up to cooking. What is MFP?
Runner I'd love to try quinoa but always was a bit nervous. Is it like cous cous? What can you put it with? Just anything that would go with rice? Haven't tried aldi for nuts and seeds but I reckon that'd be a good bet as they are so expensive normally. I've been in there today actually and bought their version of the nutritibullet (very excited to whip up some smoothies for breakfast although have to wait to open it as it's my bday pressie). Do you ever allow yourself carbs? If so do you find they now bloat you out a lot?
Tits (love the name!) It was a brutal truth and it really hit me hard like you said. I don't think I had accepted what I look like. I don't see myself like that in my head and it was too easy to just shut off from it. When I eat I do it without thinking or tasting the food especially when it's a bag of crisps or a chocolate. I go into a trance. I need to get back to enjoying fresh food again. Just so fed up of hating my body.
Hope you get there too. I think it takes a kick up the butt like this to make us realise. I have a looooong journey ahead of me now

[RunnerOnTheRun]

Hi again, yes I do allow myself carbs but not refined ones unless it's a party etc and worth it! Carbs are in all fruits & veg by the way.... I do eat jacket potato, sweet potato wedges and brown rice a few nights per week as they're unprocessed and close to how you'd find them in nature! Easily digested. What we don't want is the processed refined stuff (usually in packets!) which cause the bloating and sugar spikes. Sounds like you know what to do, don't buy the junk! Quinoa as porridge is awesome! Warm with blueberries and milk - loads of recipes on google for it, it's extremely versatile for sweet or savoury dishes. Oh and gallons of water too!

[mindtheshapes]

Hi, first and foremost I'd like to say you've done a great thing with sharing and letting other people in!

RunnerOnTheRun is right in most things, the best diet is a well balanced one with whole foods, a lot of protein (eggs, meats, beans, lentils) and veggies with a moderate amount of complex carbs, like sweet potatoes, quinoa, oats. Once you get used to such a diet, eating processed food will be less fulfilling and you'll find that you have a lot more energy as well.

That being said, it's a lot harder to make a jump into extreme diets and restrictions than taking it one step at a time.
What I'd invite you to try is start a little food diary. Without changing anything, write down what you eat each day and share it after a few days.
After that it'll be simple to suggest little changes at a time and you should see continuous fat loss without actually "going on a diet".

[bunique]

On the crisps and chocolate front, it sounds simple but just don't buy them in your weekly shop. Knowing I have to get up and go out to buy a chocolate bar usually is enough to put me off. I do wolf treats if we're out though!

[booksrock]

I'm on week two of low carbing after hating the way I look. Dh ordered Chinese tonight and I had mushroom omlette and a tablespoon of crispy seaweed. Much less then I would normally eat and no carbs. Dc noticed I didn't order chips or rice but we didn't miss it. It takes planning and strength of mind but I'm hoping it's going to work.

[ProfGrammaticus]

When you cut out the sugary crap - which you're going to, right? - be prepared for it to take a month or so before you stop "fancying" it. After that your body will drop the habit/craving and then things will be much much easier. I would suggest starting by doing that, it will then be much easier to eat less and better. I find I need to get used to eating better before I get used to eating less, IYSWIM. And absolutely no fizzy drinks, ever.

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

Just read your responses. Thanks all.

So hsve started being more careful, by going back to a slimming world style to start off with. Cut most of the crap out of my weekly shop this week... Still bought some crisps but made sure they were ones i don't like so im less likely to scoff them.

Have made sure ive cooked every night this week which im not going to lie, has been a nightmare due to 4m old dd being poorly and the poor little madam has screamed the house down every time i put her down so v v difficulty to successfully prep or cook anything. Have managed a fry light coated roast chicken dinner with ALOT of veg, a pasta bolognese type thing but again used it as an excuse to throw in loads of veggies and use as little pasta as possible. Have also done omelette and salad and lamb stew. All very tasty but definitely struggled with cutting carbs conpletely. Have done a food diary but far too loosely. Just find it difficult remembering but hoping when Ds is back at school next week ill do it more.

Im sure I'll get past it but at the moment I find it hard to plan meals without carbs or with the right kind . I am however very pleased that I've made a start and even prouder that I refused the MacDonald's Dh came home with tonight the complete git

Plan for next week is less carbs, try quinoa porridge (sounds yum! ) and try to find a way of packing in more veg as that's what I struggle with most.

Prof I do hope to cut it all out completely but not sure I can go cold turkey. I'm certainly eating far less now than before though. About the fizzy drinks....? None? not even diet ones? They are like my little treat instead of the crap. I do love a Pepsi max once the kids are in bed

Books well done... Glad to hear you're on the right track and that must take some serious will power I don't think I'd manage to keep it clean with a takeaway. All going out tomorrow for Sunday lunch with dhs entire family and I'm dreading it.

One more question. What do you do when you're clearly full but you are getting cravings and can't think of anything else? I'm finding it hard to switch off to it and it's making me grumpy and snappy

[calzone]

Come and join us on the new SW thread. We are on our 3rd thread since January......🙂

I eat absolutely loads on SW. Have been dieting all my life and it has only clicked in the last year......3 stone gone forever.

On a regular day I eat a variation of.....
Porridge
Cooked breakfast
Bacon sandwich
Fruit and yoghurt
Pasta salad
More fruit
Spaghetti Bolognaise
Meatballs
Roast chicken
Nacho Feast
Macaroni cheese
Fajitas
Chocolate if I want it.....
Wine if I want it.....
Crisps if I want it.....

It is now a habit. I would recommend SW to anyone.

[booksrock]

I've been dreaming about food but I find it harder to deal with hunger when I am bored. To counter act the grumpiness I have been playing on the floor with the children, things like card games and puzzles concentrate the mind. At work I have healthy snacks so promise myself them in 30 mins and if I'm still hungrey then I have them.