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I can give up everything - but i can't give up wine & don't know what to do

(42 Posts)
hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 14:50:43

I need to lose two stone. I can easily easily - with absolutely no problem at all eat wheat free, dairy free, sugar free, gluten free. I can live on fruit veg and all natural ingredients. Love nuts and seeds and smoothies in the morning. Can eat porridge and not bothered about chocolate or sweet stuff. I can forgo pasta, white flour, toast / bread. I can even completely give up meat - I'm just not that bothered. However - the ONLY thing I can't give up is red wine.

Now - I don't drink in the day, I don't drink in the mornings. I just want it with my evening meal. I know it's full of bloody sugar and I can't lose weight if I have it - but I just need it. I have young children so we never go out. I don't smoke. I almost feel it's my only enjoyment in life once the kids are in bed.
I can go a few days - even a week having herbal tea & water instead but then I have a stressful day or just feel sorry that I can't have what I want - and I'm back on it.
I don't know what I'm after with this post - I'm just so sick of myself. And rhe next day I feel rubbish because I feel like all the healthy eating has been useless.
I'm genuinely not arsed about food - I love healthy food. But if I can't have my wine I'm a miserable ARSE. Even my husband says Jesus have some wine - you're a nightmare.
Anyone else experience this? Ps. There are lots of other drinks I could have if it was just alcohol content - but it's only wine that I want. It's the taste I think. So sick of feeling like a failure.

ImperialBlether Wed 03-Feb-16 14:55:01

I've lost weight on Atkins and still had red wine. Just saying!

Try having fizzy water in it too. You get used to it quite quickly.

Miloarmadillo1 Wed 03-Feb-16 15:03:08

How much red wine do you drink? A large glass is 200 calories, surely you can build that into your 'allowance' a few times a week and still lose weight? If you are drinking every day, or drinking it by the bottle rather than the glass, you have bigger problems than the weight loss aspect.

hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 15:10:29

Agreed - I can have 2 glasses with a meal and then have a cup of herbal tea before bed and leave it at that. On a bad day I can get through a bottle. I cut way way down in Jan - lasted till 3rd week and then found 1 small glass was fine. But it's amazing how much you can slip back into habits. Last night I had a whole bottle. It's really getting me down. I do feel I have a problem with it simply as I find it so bloody hard to be without it. I know it's my self medication for stress and probably depression. I know it's a problem but I just can't seem to let it go. I've been a big drinker my entire life. I don't know how to be without it - I'm not unhappy for any particular reason. It's just that it's linked to "enjoyment" in my head.

MadHattersWineParty Wed 03-Feb-16 15:11:48

I wouldn't (couldn't?!) give up red wine! Its the only thing good/drink wise that is a real 'treat'. Not arsed about chocolate or cake.

I have really cut down during the week and do try to go Monday to Friday without it now. I bought a pedometer and just walk all over the place on the days where I'm planning to have it. I know I need to walk about 11km in the course of the day to 'save' enough calories to justify it (that 'gets' me about 600)

I have noticed a few lbs off (wasn't fiendishly trying to lose weight anyway but I did have a bit of wine weight- my DP and I would polish off a bottle most nights with dinner and we really try and limit that to weekends only now.

MadHattersWineParty Wed 03-Feb-16 15:13:37

Last nigh I worked through a bottle, partly because I knew I had a late start today and partly because I was a bit stressed and it's just NICE. Been walking like a demon today.

HumphreyCobblers Wed 03-Feb-16 15:15:50

Look at the SIRT diet. It has red wine as a key ingredient.

Although I do agree that it may be better in the long term if you didn't drink every day, perhaps if you can concentrate on the weight loss for now, you may find it easier to tackle the drinking later?

hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 16:01:40

Thanks for replies. Not being able to have it just makes me so damn miserable. Then I think is it worth it? Just to be a certain weight. But bloody miserable. As I say - I'm not arsed about any other bad things. Could happily eat like an Angel every day and never ever have a treat - but God I love my red wine. Why can't they make one that is zero sugar and good for you?!

ChickyChickyParmParm Wed 03-Feb-16 16:32:01

I think the weight loss could be a red herring - you have a drinking problem. How many units do you drink in a week? A bottle of wine in one go + a glass each night is quite extreme.

tropicalwaterdiver Wed 03-Feb-16 16:39:30

If you can give up meat, dairy and sugar, I believe you can lose your 2 stones.

Just stay on veggies, fish and vine for 2-3 months and you will reach your goal.

I fully gave up dairy ( and I don't eat red meat or loads of sugar) and lost 1 stone within 6 weeks, so, I know it works.

FishOn Wed 03-Feb-16 16:39:37

We've totally cut it out Mon-Thur. We are on a diet and both knew we were drinking too much, so decided to incorporate less booze into our new regime.

Fri/Sat night we drink whatever we want. Sunday lunch is 'allowed' too. Then back on the wagon.

Both of us are losing on average 2 lb a week. It really does make a difference. I'm sure my liver's thanking me for 4 days off a week too.

It should be a treat, not the norm. That's what we have to get used to -sounds like you're in the same boat.

techgirl Wed 03-Feb-16 19:56:54

You may have tried this but don't buy it it or at most just the tiny 187ml bottles and drink no more in an evening. If you have a drinking adult in the house get them to do the same. DP and I have lost weight doing this and have also been honest that drinking a half bottle each every night at home was doing us no good and was no improvement on the all evening pub sessions of the past.

shouldiblowthewhistle Wed 03-Feb-16 20:01:03

OP are you me?

I too am trying to lose weight. I cried one night last week because I knew it wouldn't help me lose weight so wouldn't let myself have any not like tonight and the thought of not having any at the end of a stressful day was too much.

I can put away a bottle on any given night. I'm trying to cut back and I've been drinking gin and vodka instead. Not sure if that helps in terms of alcohol misuse but it does in terms of weight loss.

tribpot Wed 03-Feb-16 20:05:06

Calling it self medication implies that it will actually help you in some way. It really won't. (I know the term self-medicate is used to describe people who drink to relieve stress). It prevents you from sleeping properly, it kills your mood, and it makes you feel crap when you've drunk more than you wanted to - I don't mean a hangover per se but the guilt of drinking when you didn't mean to.

So why not decide to cut it out completely for three months? It doesn't sound like cutting down is working for you. Your sleep will improve, which will help better with coping with stress. And it will help break that cycle of seeing food or drink as a reward.

Howaboutthisone Wed 03-Feb-16 20:12:45

Op I totally understand where you're coming from. I have that link in my brain between the kids going to bed and relaxing with a glass or several. I've been trying to cut back though as I felt I was drinking too much. I'm trying to do as the pp said and having nothing mon-thurs to give my liver etc a break. I'm hoping that it will also help with weight loss then that should motivate me to continue. I've just got to make sure I don't have more on a weekend to reward myself for being good in the week!

LaurieFairyCake Wed 03-Feb-16 20:35:00

Could you work out what your drinking in a week and have a think about whether it's too much?

If it is we need to find a different way for you to relax.

There are loads of diets you can build red wine into though. On slimming world for example you could have 3 bottles a week. (Not recommending 3 bottles btw!)

DoctorTwo Wed 03-Feb-16 21:49:37

On Sunday I did what Laurie suggested. I worked out how much I was drinking and it was way too much. I decided to cut right back, so Sunday I drunk about 6 units, Monday 5, yesterday 3, and tonight none. There's loads of booze about here, this is about me not becoming a problem drinker.

The last time I went without a drink was years ago when on a course. Of Metronidazole. grin So this time it's voluntary, and I feel better about it. I think I'm going to not drink alcohol for a couple of weeks then just drink on a Friday and Saturday evening. I think I can manage that.

hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 23:04:51

Thanks for all your messages! Well tonight I have managed to stay away from it - and I've been bloody vile to husband (well just ignored him mostly) and had a face like a smacked arse. I'm going to bed now with some water .... Whoop.

I can go without it - I can have weeks off it if I really try hard - but then succumb as I'm bloody miserable. I know logical that I'm better off not drinking it but it's such a connect in my brain with pleasure I feel pleasure less without it.

I've tried other ways of pleasuring myself (not that!) but you know what makes a hot bath better? A glass of red wine. You know what makes a film better? A glass of red wine. You know what makes sex better? Half q bottle of red wine.

I don't feel a need to get pissed or else I'd just swap it for gin or vodka. It does nothing for me.

Red wine is my Achilles heel. I just worship the stuff. And I KNOW the reason I'm overweight is down to the bastard stuff because I eat bloody brilliantly. I am only on fruit / veg nuts pulses etc. A chocolate biscuit or cake never passes my lips. I have given up bread & dairy - yet I'm still 2 bloody stone overweight.
If it didn't affect my weight id happily carry on as I only have it with food in the evening so don't feel it's a big problem liver wise as it might be if I was on all week long benders or necking spirits.
The weight thing gets me down and the fact I seemingly have no will power against it infuriates me. And I don't get leg less ever - just a nice taste and feeling of Ahhhhh.... After my day.
I'm very pleased to hear I'm not alone.
Sips water.

MadHattersWineParty Wed 03-Feb-16 23:08:30

I hear you. To be honest I'm finding Monday to Thursday bloody boring without my wine! I really want it! And I associate it with so much too. Films, curling up with a good book, fire on, dinner.... A bath (I only have a shower in the new flat so that's put paid to that one at least)

hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 23:08:56

You know who pisses me off - Alicia Florrick (the good wife) she comes home every day to her lovely kitchen and pours herself a large red and looks bloody fabulous. Why isn't she two stone overweight? Do they know this is the most unrealistic part of the series? I'm sitting there with a water watching EVERYONE on TV quaff (is that a word?) wine in their elegant glasses looking bloody sensational. Why's it never a bored SAHM in a tracksuit holding 2 stone of extra weight?
Little rant to leave you with.
Sips water.

Wolfiefan Wed 03-Feb-16 23:12:07

You still haven't answered the question about the number of units you are drinking per week. I would worry more about your "need" for alcohol than the weight you hope to lose.
If I drank a bottle in one go I would be shitfaced and feel awful for at least the next day.

LeaLeander Wed 03-Feb-16 23:26:35

Why don't you try every other night? Then it's not so long to wait as Mon-Thurs etc?

Could you sip brandy or a liqueur instead? A little goes a long way. They probably are quite sugary though. I like Chambord, the raspberry.

What about non-alcoholic wine? Probably tastes like shit and you won't get the glow but it might satisfy the oral gratification/habit part of the issue.

tribpot Wed 03-Feb-16 23:27:02

You may be pleased to note that in the most recent episode in the US Alicia has admitted she is drinking way too much smile (She's been hitting it pretty hard in this series, obviously she still looks fabulous).

You may need to look at your alcohol use from the other direction. If you don't get it under control, it will be 'not wine' in answer to every question. What makes a meal better? Not wine. A film? Not wine. I would say after nearly five years sober the one time I still really miss a glass of wine is with a meal in a restaurant. The fact that not drinking has such an impact on your mood is not a good sign.

hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 23:33:45

Sorry I don't know units. If I eat an evening meal it'll be half a bottle. If something particularly good is on tv and I stay up later it can sometimes be a bottle. I'd say a bottle 2 or 3 times a week.

I get what you're saying about how bad you'd feel after a bottle but I genuinely feel no bad affects at all as it doesn't seem to affect me in a hangover terrible feeling way - it goes down awfully easily and as I have it with food I guess it's never on an empty stomach. If I had awful hangovers i probably could control it better. The only reason I feel bad the next day is because I know how much sugar I've consumed and how I'm not going to be losing any weight.
Brandy - yuk. And Chambord bleurgh. Only red wine will do.

I will vow to cut down - I have! I just find it so bloody hard / boring / upsetting.

hangingoutattheendofmywick Wed 03-Feb-16 23:37:10

I guess I love it - like a lover - but I have to try and get through my skull that it doesn't love me. It's hurting me.
You know when people say food is like a friend? Well red wine is my chum of over twenty years - my best chum. And I'm finding it very hard to actually see this chum is a frenemy and doesn't have my best interests at heart.
This is me absolutely sober! Just think how odd I am after a glass of vino.

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