I have got so fat I can't wipe my own arse

(346 Posts)
Didthistomyself Mon 11-May-15 11:14:33

Not a poo troll. I wish I was making this up. Regular; name changed because I am so ashamed of myself.

Always been big, always eaten way too much but always had a good shape and been fairly active. Last few years been less active due to change in job and a surgical procedure I need. Now almost entirely sedentary.

I knew the weight was piling on. I knew I was too big to sit comfortably in a cinema seat without slotting myself in sideways. I knew I was too big for anyone to sit next to me on the train unless they literally had no other option. I knew I was too big to walk more than a few metres in a skirt without shredding my thighs until they bleed. I knew I was too big to go anywhere that I didn't know I'd be able to sit down and give my poor back a rest. I knew I was too big to wear anything but vast leggings and tent-like smocks. I knew I was too big to sit on an unfamiliar chair for fear it broke. I knew I was the reason our bed broke. I knew my constant acid reflux and diarrhoea were down to my diet.

And the worst of all: I knew I was too fat to conceive.

I knew that was the problem. I knew that's why I wasn't getting pregnant. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, and yet I ignored all of these things until I realised two weeks ago that I wasn't using the disabled toilet because I wanted more space for my bag and coat and it was cleaner; I was using it because only in there could I reliably spread wide enough and lean forward far enough to wipe myself properly. Like one of those people you see on TV who has to be washed in bed. Who have to have the wall taken down to get out of their house. That's where I was going.

Went to the GP and cried. They weighed me and I cried harder: 22st 13lb. And I'm short. I'm really short. Never mind over 30; my BMI is over 55 sad

I don't know how I have got here and how I will get back. It just seems like an impossible mountain to climb. There's so much to go.

My GP recommended a VLCD and cognitive behavioural therapy. Said it would get the weight off fast until I could have my surgery and then I might be motivated to carry on. Maybe I might be able to have a baby. I am lucky because at my health centre they have a dedicated obesity clinic. They are monitoring me closely.

Started a week ago. Weighed today: lost a stone. Miles to go, and I know that it will usually be more like 3lb, but it's something. It's a start. And today I went for a walk. Just a mile. It took me 40 minutes sad

I don't even miss food. What I miss is feeling like a normal person. What I miss is my husband talking about having children. What I miss is feeling like everyone doesn't stare at me when I walk down the street. What I miss is not thinking I am going to die before I'm 40.

Thanks to anyone who has read this. Just needed to confess to someone how bad it has got.

pookamoo Mon 11-May-15 11:16:55

I didn't want to read and run.

You have lost a stone, that's a great start! Slowly and surely, with support, you will do it. flowers

happygirl87 Mon 11-May-15 11:18:11

flowers and star - you lost a stone! That's amazing! You are doing really well and should be proud. Stick at it!

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 11-May-15 11:19:13

Losing a stone isbrilliant! Well done. Sounds like your GP is supportive too which is fab

It's very hard because you are having to establish a whole new relationship with food. The counselling should help though

TheCowThatLaughs Mon 11-May-15 11:19:49

You've lost a stone! Amazing. You know what you've got to do and sounds like you're going to do it. I lost about 4 stone recently and feel so much better. No back pain anymore. I was in denial for ages too. It creeps up on you doesn't it? I felt completely out of control and feel so much better now smile

DownWithThisTypeOfThing Mon 11-May-15 11:22:50

Without sounding trite, the hardest step is the first one.
mad busy at work - didn't want to read and run. Will come back later.

Milllli Mon 11-May-15 11:22:57

You should feel proud that you have started to turn this around. You can do it. smile

Kleptronic Mon 11-May-15 11:23:41

Ah Didthis well done for starting to get healthy x you have done so well. You can do this!

Artandco Mon 11-May-15 11:24:39

That's a great start

Maybe work small things Into routine gradually increasing excercise as you go so it isn't too much at once. Ie as soon as your up, quickly go out for a 10 min walk before coming home to eat/ shower/ dress properly for the day. After a week gradually increase speed and up to 15 mins. Then can do the Same again in the evening for example.

Same with diet, record what you have been eating, and see where you can easily change things first such as just changing snacks and breakfast, before moving on to next change

PinkSquash Mon 11-May-15 11:25:21

You've already lost weight, that is a huge hurdle you've crossed and you should be proud of yourself. flowers

Madlizzy Mon 11-May-15 11:25:31

Massive well done in taking the first step and losing a whole stone! You should be proud of yourself.

NanoNinja Mon 11-May-15 11:26:57

Oh gosh, your post is so moving - would it be worth printing out and having with you for when the going gets tough and you feel the motivation slipping? Lots of luck for the journey - you've got it off to a great start.

leeloo1 Mon 11-May-15 11:27:53

Bless. You're doing so well to admit there's a problem and seek help. Well done for walking a mile and for losing a stone. Try and find things you enjoy, nurture yourself for the special person you are, as your weight shouldn't define who you are as a person.

SinclairSpectrum Mon 11-May-15 11:30:50

You have acknowledged there is a problem and that you need to make changes.
You have then been motivated enough to seek help and start on the road to those changes .
You have done the big bit, now its just chipping away at that weight.
Keep a diary on here, start today, write what you eat, how much you move and how you feel.
We will follow you and cheer you on.
Good luck!!!flowers

ItsRainingInBaltimore Mon 11-May-15 11:30:55

Good luck Didthis it sounds like you have really turned a corner mentally and emotionally and something has 'clicked' with you that will see you on the road to permanent and positive change now.

If you can afford it I really recommend that you buy an electric tread mill and stick it on front of the telly. You can just walk slowly and steadily for periods of 20 minutes building up to an hour or even more at a time while watching something on TV which is a great distraction. You can build up your time slowly and use it just once a day or as many times as you can manage. It will keep you moving and burning fat without feeling like you have to tackle an intimidating exercise regime that is difficult to fit in around working hours.

I don't know what a VLCD is but I think CBT is a very good idea.

Well done on your progress so far and I wish you all the best.

Purpleball Mon 11-May-15 11:31:22

Well done you, you've take the step,and you're dealing with it. You could have left it til,you'd gained more weight but you didn't. You took control and that's to be applauded.

Keep going you're doing brilliantly smile

KikitheKitKat Mon 11-May-15 11:31:42

Well done for taking control. How about updating us on a weekly basis to keep yourself motivated?

Imnotaslimjim Mon 11-May-15 11:33:09

Well done for acknowledging what has gone wrong in the past and for taking that first step. A stone is an amazing achievement!! Just keep on keeping on. You can do it, you know you can

As to the exercise, increase it slowly and as you lose weight, it will get easier flowers

Mummybear8 Mon 11-May-15 11:33:37

Well done you. You should be really proud of yourself. You realised your weight problem was out of control and did something to resolve it before it was too late - that's an achievement in itself, never mind loosing a stone! Having the balls to make a change is frightening and I hope you continue to get the support you're receiving to get to a weight you're comfortable with. You're doing fabulously smile

GaryBaldy Mon 11-May-15 11:34:19

You've recognised that there is a problem and you have taken the first step, congratulations - that is a big start to your new life.

And you have lost a stone! Well done. It is bloody hard.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Mon 11-May-15 11:35:12

A stone is an amazing achievement! And did you say in ONE week??

The point of exercise is how long you do it for, not how much distance you achieve in the process. You didn't go for a"one mile walk", you went for a forty-minute walk, which is great.

happygirl87 Mon 11-May-15 11:36:30

ItsRaining VLCD is a very low calorie diet- usually meal replacement

imjustahead Mon 11-May-15 11:37:40

I too thought your post was so moving OP, you know what you are one brave woman.
A stone is bloody brilliant, one step at a time. You have the awareness to do this.

wishing you strength, stay positive (sounds so trite sometimes when someone say that to you doesn't it) and if you aren't always postivie don't beat yourself up, have a sob, have a moment then get back to being on the right track. You are only human, and you are facing things head on now op.

wishing you much success.

I've made the decision today to get back on my healthy kick. It's being mindful, and being in the right frame of mind. xxx

HesterShaw Mon 11-May-15 11:39:22

A stone in a week? Come on, that's brilliant flowers

You have faced your problem, you have sought help and now you are taking action. You should be proud, not ashamed.

And if you are as heavy as you say you are, I would say walking a mile is good going as well.

I don't know anything about this subject - I only clicked because I saw the thread so will leave it to others to give practical advice. But I didn't want to not say well done and keep going x

shattered77 Mon 11-May-15 11:40:38

The writing in your post is brilliant, as are you for losing a whole stone. There must be a Google image of what a stone of fat looks like.

The most brilliant thing is that you will be getting counselling. The issue is to do with your thinking and not what you put in your mouth, but why you do. Just think, in a few months you will be able to go into a standard high street shop and buy a new outfit, your life will change long before you hit your target.

Good luck. Take weekly photos. I saw this online lately and it was amazing to see, so much more effective than numbers on scales.

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