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I don't want to be bullied into weight loss!

(25 Posts)
Theluckiestagain Mon 29-Dec-14 12:47:02

Not brave enough to post in AIBU but this is weight related...

Want to lose 2 stone...I know exactly what I need to do. I eat very healthy meals, lots of fresh veg, cook from scratch, etc. But over the past two months or so I've plateaued mainly because I've been drinking wine, snacking and not running. That's the key for me and I know it. And I'm feeling pretty motivated now so ready to lose more (dropped a stone so far)...

My aunt just came round and it ended in a almighty row. She lost 4 stone a few years ago on WW, put it all back on and is now losing successfully on SW. I don't particularly want to go to a slimming class. I'm quite happy using MFP (and this is why I like running...I am a solitary creature!). I jokingly said I was 'Back on the slimming wagon' and she went apeshit, telling me I would fail and would just crave the things I denied myself.

Anyway, she blasted me for not going to SW (I am a teacher so any time I have in the evenings with kids is precious or I'd rather go for a run as its quick and effective for me). She said I was making excuses. Maybe, but I said that it felt like she was bullying me which is not particularly helpful. She then said I was just like my mum (who is obese and eats a lot of rubbish) and I was just ignorant. She wasn't going to bother helping me anymore and would let me kill myself!!

The fact that up til now have lost a stone and done two half marathons seemed to have escaped her notice! It's been slow but I'm certainly not ignorant of what I need to do to lose more. I just need to do it.

I'm just aghast. I told her very calmly that she can do it her way, I will do it mine. She, of all people, should understand that. And what on earth has it got to do with her anyway??

Just needed to tell someone. I also need some pithy responses. What do I say the next time she starts pontificating?

26Point2Miles Mon 29-Dec-14 13:00:43

Say nothing. Just smile to yourself, your results will speak volumes

I'm the same as you minus the aunt! Know what I need to do/use mfp instead of 'clubs'/run half marathons and yes, slipped up over xmas and now need to get back to it

Good luck

TalkinPeace Mon 29-Dec-14 13:14:03

My method will involve only losing the weight once

26Point2Miles Mon 29-Dec-14 13:17:47

Well, of course all that yo yo dieting will result in stretch marks and stretched skin! You won't have those

DustInTheWind Mon 29-Dec-14 13:24:09

Talkin has got it right, your aunt's method wasn't sustainable for her, so why would it work for you? Lose 4 stone, gain, long will it take her to put that weight back on?
Running is a great destresser, and as a teacher you need as much of that as you can get. Double the benefit!

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Mon 29-Dec-14 13:25:58

Firstly never discuss weight loss/running/anything related with this lunatic. Frankly, if you can, avoid her.

Secondly, when she starts, tell yourself her level of bile is only reached by someone very miserable with themselves. When she's finished her rant say 'good for you, let's not discuss this any more, clearly you're upset.' Repeat.

Perhaps remind her that she said she isn't going to bother helping you any more.

Secretly put lard and sugar in her tea wink

And congrats on your weight loss and running!

tabulahrasa Mon 29-Dec-14 13:29:36

Slimming world is just healthy eating for people with no willpower (me included btw, which is why I joined slimming world, lol).

The having not much time in the evening is pretty irrelevant btw as firstly you can just weigh and go once you've got the hang of it and it takes 5 minutes, but also if you don't need a slimming club to lose weight then you don't need one.

Boomtownsurprise Mon 29-Dec-14 13:32:05

Actually imo you asked for it. You said "back on the sw wagon!!!"

Now, I imagine she heard what I read; destined to fail fatso no resolve couldn't keep it off ha ha!

She's as frustrated and hurt over her own weight as you are. But you thought it funny to laugh at her, belittle and demean her own efforts. Obviously it's different as you were joking, so that's alright then! She said too much because she was hurt.

Why should she respect you or your methods if you cannot support her in hers? Why couldn't you see how she might feel?

tabulahrasa Mon 29-Dec-14 13:34:19

Boomtownsurprise - no, she didn't, she made a joke about herself being back on the slimming wagon not her aunt being back on the SW wagon...

Boomtownsurprise Mon 29-Dec-14 13:36:35

Ah ok. Misread

26Point2Miles Mon 29-Dec-14 13:39:42

Slimming world? Is that the one where they advocate eating 'as much as you like' of certain foods but you have red/green days?

26Point2Miles Mon 29-Dec-14 13:40:16

Or am I confusing it with the points one? All sounds faddy to me

tabulahrasa Mon 29-Dec-14 13:54:09

Slimming world is eat as much of you want of things like fruit, veg, pasta, lean meat as long as a third of your intake is things that are really low calorie like salad.

Along with a measured amount of things like Wholemeal bread and dairy produce.

The green day version is handy for vegetarians as you leave out meat and fish and swap it for extra bread or cereal and dairy and the red days are pretty much high protein low carb...I think, I've never done red.

On top of that you get a tiny amount if things that you know aren't so great for weight loss like butter or wine.

Theluckiestagain Mon 29-Dec-14 13:58:20

Boomtown, I'm not sure where you got that from. I was referring to myself when I said I was 'back on the slimming wagon' and this was clear in the conversation. She then blasted me. I'm still unsure why. I would NEVER ever laugh or belittle someone's efforts. Mainly because I know how it feels. And the irony is belittling someone is exactly what she did to me.

I suspect it's because it's her way or nothing. She is very blunt and outspoken and if someone does something differently, she will always find something negative to pick on.

Example:Me 'I've signed up for a 10k run in May. I need have an aim to get motivated!' Aunt: 'Well running is terrible for your knees. You'll get arthritis by the time you're 60.'

I'm still really cross. She called me stupid because I don't want to do it her way. In a funny way, this might be the added motivation I need. I'm going to do it successfully. MY way.

specialsubject Mon 29-Dec-14 14:02:26

she's proved that WW didn't work because she got fat again.

good luck doing the only thing that works. And tell her to leave or walk away when she is next so rude.

MelanieCheeks Mon 29-Dec-14 14:05:55

I'd go for a smile and "Thanks for your suggestions!" and refuse to get further involved in a discussion on it.

As you say, you know what works for you, but you don't need to go into any detail with anyone else.

Legionofboom Mon 29-Dec-14 14:07:35

She sounds desperate. All this need for 'her way' to be the 'right way' so that she will definitely lose the weight and keep it off is fear and doubt.

She wants you to join her to validate that indeed this is the one and only holy grail of approaches to weight loss.

She needs to believe that running is not the answer because she isn't running and if running is the answer then she won't achieve what she wants.

People are often like this around food and diet. I've known people respond angrily to news that I was cutting down and trying to eat more healthily, as if my decision was calling into question how they eat. Nothing to do with me but some people seem to need validation around food choices.

Ignore her, do it your way and let her do it hers. Better to say 'that sounds great' while smiling and nodding at her talk of SW then continue with whatever suits you.

Legionofboom Mon 29-Dec-14 14:09:14

That should say

Nothing to do with me how other people eat but ....

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle Mon 29-Dec-14 14:11:12

I'm not sure how healthy SW really is. They advocate low fat/sugar-free/sweeteners etc which help lose weight but aren't healthy.

I lost 2.5 stone on SW and put half of it back on. Over a shorter period, I lost 5 stone on MFP and exercise and I have kept (most) of it off. Just need to lose the extra Christmas padding!

Good luck op. Your way makes much more sense!

26Point2Miles Mon 29-Dec-14 14:15:16

Same here angus

Slimming world sounds a bit dangerous

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall Mon 29-Dec-14 14:26:57

She is very blunt and outspoken and if someone does something differently, she will always find something negative to pick on

Sounds like somebody I know. I just ignore that person. Everything is their way or wrong. They will argue black is white and will not be proved wrong. They will always know best.

I did SW once about 5 years ago as I like Pasta, but I agree with the sweeteners aren't healthy statement made upthread so now I try to just eat the bad stuff, but less of it IYSWIM

Well done on the running OP. Apart from not using MFP (I just cut down on food) I did the same as you. I love a good 10K. Need to sign up for the couple I plan on doing in 2015.

Just ignore what your Aunt said and continue the way you are. Perhaps best not to mention your weightloss plans again to her.

gonegrey56 Mon 29-Dec-14 16:27:07

Good luck and you are on the right lines and WILL succeed !
(That will shut her dare she speak to you like that )

tabulahrasa Mon 29-Dec-14 17:03:27

"Slimming world sounds a bit dangerous"

It's mostly eat loads of fresh food...I'm not really sure why that's dangerous?

Yes they do advise sweeteners over sugar - but, it's entirely your choice whether to have sweetener or just skip sweet stuff.

For me slimming world is better than something like my fitness pal because I get obsessive about counting and my eating starts to verge on disordered, with slimming world I buy healthier ingredients and cook using them without getting into the dangerous territory of spending all day thinking about calories and food.

Different weightloss methods suit different people.

Which pretty much takes us back to the OP anyway, lol.

26Point2Miles Mon 29-Dec-14 17:20:17

Dangerous because who wants to be put In to the mindset that you can have unlimited amounts of pasta?? You pay to be told his! I know, coz I went to SW myself

tabulahrasa Mon 29-Dec-14 17:30:44

Yeah, but it should be pasta with a tomato based sauce and salad or something like that with it...anyone who is going to eat plates and plates worth, well the chances are that they're already eating very dangerously anyway.

For me having things unlimited is a much healthier way of eating than banning certain foods or counting calories.

So I don't think it's dangerous in itself, I think any diet can be dangerous for the wrong person.

Like I said, it depends what suits you.

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