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why do people think it's ok?

(9 Posts)
QwertyBird Sat 29-Mar-14 23:13:51

To make remarks about size? Like we don't know. Someone I have known all my life, tonight in the local pub,decided to say while walking past 'Christ, it's a long way round you gal'. So helpful. I am at my most vulnerable,in the process of helping myself with emotionally induced weight,and he thinks this is appropriate. I was so upset, which triggers me. Well done. Set me back why don't you.
Must be nice to be perfect. Live my life, i defy you. Somebody please tell me they understand as I am at the not coping point sad

RandomInternetStranger Sat 29-Mar-14 23:21:05

Men don't have the same thoughts about fat as women. They seem to be proud of beer bellies and moobs and will pat them saying "all bought & paid for!" or it's a solar panel for a sex machine, they rip it out of each other all the time and daily comment on each other being fat, they don't see it as upsetting or a problem. He probably thinks of you as such a good friend that he thinks he can banter with you the way he would a male friend. Maybe he doesn't know you are self conscious and thinks you are proud of your shape & it wouldn't upset you. There's no point me telling you not to take it to heart as you clearly have but if he's as good a friend as you have described it doesn't sound like he'd say it to hurt you... unless your weight gain is a recent thing and he's worried and hoping a comment will spur you on to lose weight? But sounds like friendly banter to me. Just tell him to bugger off or you'll sit on him - I use that when I'm big & it works well. wink

QwertyBird Sat 29-Mar-14 23:40:35

Thanks for replying. He's my parents' generation. I just felt so embarrassed. I am really struggling at the moment. I am bigger recently, by 2 dress sizes, but it wasn't helpful. sad

specialsubject Mon 31-Mar-14 15:06:12

it is never ok to be rude about anyone, or to comment about appearance unless asked to do so. No-one decent thinks this is an acceptable thing to do.

I'm quite tempted to tell you to ring this bloke up and scream abuse at him, and see how he likes it.

ignore. What a low-life.

QwertyBird Mon 31-Mar-14 23:08:14

I just feel like that is what everyone thinks when they see me. sad

126sticks Mon 31-Mar-14 23:13:16

It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that older people are worse for this sort of thing. Sweeping generalisation I know. And I dont know why, but it seems to me that they dont see what is wrong in saying it.

specialsubject Tue 01-Apr-14 19:20:03

no, it is not what everyone thinks. And if anyone does think it, they are not worth bothering with.

I believe the phrase is 'did you mean to be so rude?' smile

QwertyBird Thu 03-Apr-14 01:23:51

Thank you all for the kind replies. I need to start standing up for myself thanks

you mustn't allow other, random people so much power to make you feel bad.

A well meant "Fuck off wanker" would be a much healthier attitude (much better than "did you mean to be so rude?" to which I, and anyone would probably say" Actually, yes!" and then what)

Get an attitude, or even borrow one until you find your own style

Go you!

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