Reaching out about my mums health/diet lifestyle .. Hopefully someone can help. :(

[mumof289]

Hi all,

Just reaching out as I'm getting rather desperate really. I'm a mum myself to 2 beautiful girls .. Our health is a priority in the house and I make it a fun way. My girls are 2 and 1 and they love fruit. That's not to say I never let them indulge they have sweets and I let them be kids too but not too much just as treats! I'm not trying to say I'm perfect or an expert on the matter but I'm worried about my mum.

She is a mum of 3, and me as one of her children - we have all left home. So there is just her and my dad. She has like many other women and men have battled with diets/weight loss. About 8 years ago she dropped a lot of weight and she was very very healthy. She is on anti depressents. And doesn't go out the house much, well not at all. But she seems "happy" as well. She is happily married with my dad. They're both over weight. My dad works, my mum doesn't. That's not to say she is lazy as she is up early, house chores etc and my dad prefers to bring home the bacon. They're so in love after 25 years, it's lovely to see.

My problem being their weight.. As mentioned before my mum does know how to lose weight. And she keeps saying she is eating healthy. But she isn't. She has a few ripples of wine 3/4 times per week, orders out every Sunday (but who doesn't have treats - I do) and she snacks constantly. She doesn't exercise, and she's getting bigger and bigger. As for my dad he has kebab, chips, egg, pizza has one drink a week on a satuyrday night. I've tried approaching this so many ways, to my parents: I don't want to lose them before their time. They're my best friends. I have a very close relationship with them and I have spoken to my mum, given her tips, tried arranging for her to come out with me for walks to the park. And sometimes she even gets upset (which isn't my intention) when I've raised the issue with her. I've even been brutally honest with her and my dad and she says that I'm been nasty when I'm not, which I have explained this.

I'm constantly researching dieting tips/techniques and she just doesn't seem to care. She isn't happy. She says that if she weighed a bit less she would get out the house more? She was even referred through nhs for a free 10 weeks membership at a gym to help her, but went to 2 sessions and that was it.

I'm sorry for the long thread, but I'm at my witts end. My grandfather (my dads dad) died at 55 due to bad health and heart attack and his diet was just like my dad. My grandma (mums mum) has diabetes but she has managed to drop the weight and she is nearly 80 and she is maintaining it and managing it and she says she has never felt better. So I don't under stand how these can't shock them or make them notice that they need a life style change.

Can anyone help? Crying writing this as I'm so stressed and scared about it. My mum has tried so many weight loss things like the weight watchers, slimming world, Atkins, and eating "healthy". I just don't know how else to approach it. I've tried so many things.

Open to ideas. Thanks for reading this lengthy thread.

[mumof289]

Would just like to add.. Yes I know she is a grown woman and who am I to tell my mum and dad that they need a lifestyle change? I would never be nasty or speak about my parents in a bad way. I've tried taking the gentle approach, shock factors, speaking to them in general. Bought my mums clothes for her .. And even though she doesn't go out they're just there in her wardrobe.

[Sirzy]

as hard as it is she is an adult and you putting pressure on her to change isn't going to do anything no matter how gently you do it.

Its so easy for someone else to sit back and tell someone what they need to do, and its understandable that you are worried but to actually change is so hard and takes a whole change in mindset. People pressuring your is more likely to have the opposite effect to the one desired.

TBH it sounds like the weight is the least of the problems and she needs to get her depresssion controlled before worrying about anything else.

[Beechview]

Unfortunately there's not much you can do. I know you mean well but your suggestions may come across as nagging to her.

I would carry on trying to get her to come out a bit more. Not necessarily walking to start off with. Maybe shopping, over to your house, trip to the park or feeding the ducks with your. Once she gets used to going out a bit more then perhaps suggest the walking?
It may help to get her confidence back and make changes for herself.

Back off with the weight loss talks and just enjoy time with her. The changes may or may not come. You'll just have to accept her choices.

[mumof289]

Thanks for the tips xx