That was my 'eating cake out of George Michael's bin' moment :(

[BennettsBiscuit]

I have just eaten a whole foot long sub and two packets of crisps. Also a whole pouch of Galaxy counters and a whole pouch of Magic Stars. I was not hungry for any of it. What is wrong with me??? I've always been fat and eaten way too many sweeties but a foot long sub is totally out of character :(

The Paul McKenna book is upstairs, I read it once and lost 3lb in a week but didn't have time to reread or listen to the CD and lost momentum. I am going to try again.

Don't even know why I'm posting this really. I have bought a lot of books lately about binge eating etc but don't have time to read the feckin things. I want to exercise but it is very hard to make the time at the moment, I have a lot of commitments that I can't get out of and unpredictable children. I used to get up at 5.30am to exercise but am just so tired I can't afford to have less sleep than I already do.

I must pull myself out of this disgusting rut. My mother is a type 2 diabetic (mainly cos she's fat and lazy) and I will be too if I don't sort myself out.

Last time I weighed myself my BMI was about 29. I have had two CSections in 2 years but the youngest is approaching their first birthday. I feel so frumpy and old and horrible, and I KNOW how to eat well and love exercise, just can't seem to make it happen.

I'm going to get on the scales. I do need a poo so this may be artificially high but that doesn't matter.

168.6lb

now to translate that into something I understand.

[BennettsBiscuit]

omfg! 12 stone?!?!?! I'm only 5'3". A month ago I was 11stone 8lb. What is wrong with me, I have read all the quotes about choosing your hard but just can't seem to sort this out :(

[BennettsBiscuit]

back into the obese category of BMI

oh ffs

(ps namechanged for reasons of SHAME)

If anyone is/has been similar and wants to share any thoughts please do!

Hopefully I'll update with some improvements soon.

[DoingItForMyself]

If you think the book will help you, you need to stop making excuses and make time for it (preferably not at 5.30am!) It sounds like you are so down on yourself that you don't think you are worth treating well. Your commitments and children may be important but you won't be able to function properly in any other way if you are depressed and ill.

FWIW, it doesn't sound like are massively overweight, you just need to make a concerted effort, but only you can do that and no amount of fat bashing motivational advice from helpful MNers is going to make any difference unless you make that decision.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Fucking hell, stop with the self critical talk! It's one meal ffs. Yes, you overate (maybe you were thirsty or eating emotionally) but you've stopped now right?.

You are NOT enormous. I'm a bit shorter than you and 2 stone heavier and am currently losing a stupidly easy one pound a week on the 5:2 diet (19pounds down so far)

You need to make time for yourself. Its a necessity - and that might mean dropping commitments, rearranging things, listening to your Paul MCkenna tape before bed - in fact you had time to listen to your tape instead of eating right?

You just need to be in the right frame of mind and you need to realise you deserve that time to take for yourself. Your negative self talk is incredibly unhelpful. Please,please try and be kinder to yourself.

[DoingItForMyself]

FWIW I'm a similar height and build, I don't regularly eat foot ling subs and large packs of sweets, I'm just built that way. Its not massive (14-16) and maybe if you stopped loathing yourself you would find the motivation to help yourself?

[DoingItForMyself]

FFS foot LONG!

[BennettsBiscuit]

Blimey, I didn't think I sounded that bad! I think it is some sort of weirdy psychological thing.

Almost every minute of the day is accounted for just now but I can't drop anything, I was doing an essay while I ate the sandwich :) I'm honestly not a prone to excuses type, but comfort/binge eating and controlling my weight is my Achilles heel.

I wouldn't care how much I weighed if I didn't have chins and a sort of lifebelt of fat - when I was a teenager I probably weighed about the same but had a waist and no back fat!

I will try and read the McKenna book again tonight and listen to the CD on my way to work tomorrow - will I be able to walk and listen or will it make me lie down in a field?

[BennettsBiscuit]

ps thanks for all replies

[hollyisalovelyname]

Stressleads you to overeat. I am the same but am trying hypnosis

[BennettsBiscuit]

I want hypnosis (have found it v beneficial for other stuff in the past) but I can't afford it at the moment, hence Paul McKenna book.

My waist or rather complete lack of - I've got a sort of 'rubber ring' of fat round my middle that looks awful in all clothes - and my gigantic upper arms are what's bothering me I think, that and the worrying that I'm eating myself to death :) hey ho!

Did some googling earlier and might invest in a weighted hula hoop...somewhere I have a Tracy anderson DVD that's meant to be good for arm toning. If I can get time to go running and stop eating bizarre amounts of food I don't even like that much I might be back with some happy news in a few weeks.

[hollyisalovelyname]

I read on a thread here that standing on one leg as you brush your teeth helps you lose your tum, worth a try???helps you with your core. I wobble madly Have bought weights for my upper arms and do them each night

[BennettsBiscuit]

I'm willing to give it a go! Mind you there is that much blubber on me I don't think any amount of 'toning' would make much difference, I need to lose drastic amounts of fat because my body composition is all wrong at the moment.