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Do you become more invisible the larger you become?

(6 Posts)
PJFanClub Thu 29-Sep-11 21:50:27

or maybe people have just become more inconsiderate.

I have been overweight since the birth of DC2 two and a half years ago and I have noticed that in general people now show me less respect and treat me as if I am invisible. Here are just a few examples:
-people dropping the door on me when I'm following right behind them
-not getting served when it is my turn in bars, cafes, shops etc
-people not letting me out when driving
-beauty counter salespeople no longer offer me samples when I make a purchase.

Curious really to see if anyone else has experienced the same or maybe the opposite happened as you've got smaller

AKMD Fri 30-Sep-11 13:45:11

I think maybe you have just become more sensitive to these things since you have put on weight. How would someone in another car be able to make a judgement on whetehr to let you out or not based on your weight? smile

I know that I feel a lot more confident now that I have lost weight. I have never been massively heavy but when I used to go cosmetics shopping I felt embarrassed, like I didn't really have any business being there. Now, I have no shame in asking for samples and taking up the assistant's time by asking her to talk me through products. People treat me better because I expect better.

Losing weight can help you feel more confident but it might also be worth taking an assertiveness workshop. I know my local council runs these for free as part of their adult community learning program so it would be worth checking if yours does too.

Italiangreyhound Sat 01-Oct-11 00:48:01

AKMD that's a very interesting point. I wonder if we sometimes get treated in the way we expect we will get treated. When I am shy wall flower and keep quiet, people do not look to me for answers, when I give my opinion and assert myself I do seem to get noticed in a good way. I wonder if feeling down about ourselves and our bodies can also feed the feelings that keep us over weight. i am overweight and have been for a long time but I feel when I dress up a bit (in my charity shop clothes as I am on a tight budget) and pamper myself with my inexpensive Avon goodies (no I don;t sell Avon I just buy it!) I feel better and look better and I think people take more notice of me.

I totally agree with you about the car thing too!

However, I do think that PJFanClub has a point in that in our society it is so geared up to people being slim that those who are not can get overlooked if they are in certain places, like maybe a super snobby cosmetics shop or clothes shop or the night club/trendy pub. Then again I am sure some women also feel left out due to age etc, and i just have to think of Julia Roberts in pretty woman who was young and slim but had the wrong clothes and could not get waited on in the snobby shops! I can picture her now coming out with big bags of clothes saying, 'big mistake, huge!'

PJFanClub hope you get more assertive, hope you get your weight to where it can be good for your health and hope that nice people do open doors for you and for all of us despite our size, age or whatever.

Italiangreyhound Sat 01-Oct-11 01:32:28

PJFanClub Excuse me for mentioning this but there is a quite good book I can recommend called Eating Less by Gillian Riley.

There was a thread on here about it, but it kind of died out about a month or two ago. I am trying to resurrect it!

If you want to eat less would you like to join me on the thread or are you happy with your weight but not happy with the way people treat you? The covers issues of self esteem and the importance of doing things for yourself, not for others.

All the best.

CrispyHedgehog Sat 01-Oct-11 02:35:57

I've found the opposite.. I used to be 27stone and generally found I was treated very well, politely etc..

However, I'm much smaller now, 11stones and I'm mostly ignored, left waiting etc

maybe people thought I was formidable back then, I dunno... but I'm a shortarse and not very imposing at all confused

Italiangreyhound Sat 01-Oct-11 10:22:37

Wow CrispyHedgehog how did you manage to lose so much weight? Do you mind sharing how you feel about yourself now, did it take a while to adjust to your 'new' body size? I got heavier over a long period of time so I never had to adjust quickly to taking up more room!

Well done, I hope you are not ignored too much because to be honest you have made a major achievement and it is amazing. You are amazing!

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