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Do you have any diet sabatours?

(5 Posts)
toptramp Thu 26-May-11 20:25:27

And if so, how do you handle them?

I have a close friend who I am sure dosn't like it when I loose wieght. I went to see her today and her mum commented on my wieght loss then later that day she tried to get me to eat cheesecake. (I did eat a slice as I believe in treats but she tried to get me to eat more.)

In the past she has even said don't bother going on a diet.

I do like my friend but I guess she feels threatened. She needn't as she is georgeous and happily attached but I have been the fat friend in the past.

Rosemallow Thu 26-May-11 20:32:06

I have a 'friend' like that - she will happily encourage me to scoff biscuits/crisps/chocolate and then abstain herself. She also tells me I am too skinny when I've lost weight. I'm afraid that the only way I made it stop was by moving to the other end of the country (not because of her! grin). Obviously I don't see her as much so even if I ate an entire tin of biscuits it would only be once a year IYSWIM!
I suppose that avoiding any eating scenario with her might be a good idea.
Good luck with the rest of your weight loss!

foreverondiet Thu 26-May-11 22:55:20

No "friends" like that thankfully, but if I did I'd be extremely vocal to her about what I thought. Is she overweight herself? She obviously feels threatened by it. There is a section on this in the Pig to Twig book.

erebus Mon 30-May-11 19:27:26

How to handle it?

Be firm in your refusal to eat more than you want. See how she reacts. If she gives up pretty easily, don't worry, but if either she does exactly the same thing next time you're with her, or she becomes quite adamant about you eating more, you need to put her straight.

By that, I don't mean being unnecessarily rude or unpleasant, just put it firmly to her that it is your intention to lose weight/ become healthier and that you'd appreciate her, as a supposedly supportive friend not offering temptations.

As for the 'You don't need to lose weight/diet!' thing, I say 'How I feel about my body is a personal issue; I know I will feel more at ease with myself if I were carrying a bit less weight/ was fitter. Thanks for trying to make me feel like I don't have an issue, but the thing is, I'm aware that I do, and that I need to tackle it'.

My MIL used to be the worst. She was classically passive/aggressive about food! She'd serve everyone's meals, then, without a word, once we were all sitting down, she'd redistribute 1/4 of her food to me and her sons. It was very 'look what I'm doing for you, sacrificing my own food...' hmm Then she'd spend much of the meal grabbing the serving dishes and going to dole me out another portion. Eventually, to my surprise, it was my BIL who said 'She's already said 'No Thanks', mum; she doesn't want any more'...!

Italiangreyhound Tue 31-May-11 01:36:42

toptramp sorry your friend is having a hard time accepting your decision to eat less. She obviously has a problem with your eating as it somehow relates to her. If you are at her house she may feel the need to be a 'good' hostess! I've had problems with food for 20 years and I do tend to offer a lot of food when people visit. I am now working on my eating thanks to a course I am attending - called New ID dhttp://www.newid.info/

I also know what it is like when a friend loses weight and suddenly does not seem like the person they were before. My friend lost a lot of weight and maybe I felt she had changed but she said, very nicely and reassuringly, I am still the same person I was.

So I guess it would help you to know why your friend behaves like this. Is she insecure, an over eager host, or is she trying to sabotage your efforts to make herself feel better!

I agree with erebus you should be firm, just be polite and say no thank you, I’ve had enough, I'm full or not hungry etc. Maybe if you avoid the word diet or weight loss and simply talk in terms of not wanting the food she will more quickly get the message!

At the end of the day unless she is stuffing the food in your mouth she can't force you to eat it. If she tries to put stuff on your plate just say no thank you I won’t eat it and it will just get wasted.

She will soon get the message and if she persists just politely ask why do you keep trying to get me to eat stuff? She will most likely say I’m not or I think you really want it etc and if the former you can just wait until she does it again and repeat the question and if the later then you can explain you don’t want it, you would like to get healthy. You may find that certain words like diet and slim/think or whatever push people/'s alarm bells about to much weight loss or make them worried about their own weight/size. Whereas talking about healthy eating is a more gentle and less threatening way (IMHO) of making it clear you do not want to eat something.

Good luck and do let us know how it goes, if you want to!

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