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WTF is wrong with me? Forgive the length but I am desperately sad

(25 Posts)
weighheyhey Fri 07-Jan-11 10:07:54

So here I am 8st overweight. Something happened yesterday that made me realise how deeply unhealthy my relationship with food is.

I need help.

I decided as a NY resolution I would make the effort to lose some weight. Fatness runs in my family as does deep denial of the issue. I only have to look at my parents to see it. One of my immediate family members was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes recently and in all seriousness they have done f all about it-failed to lose a single ounce in weight and still tucking in to biscuits. I give them 3 years before a foot comes off. They have already gone half blind and lost the feeling in both feet.

I decide to start a diet yesterday. I am going to join a slimming club next wk but I thought i'd make myself give it a go and simply cut down this wk. First day back at work, new start etc. Did really well, had wholemeal toast, no butter just a thin scraping of mushed banana with a teaspoon of peanut butter. This is a weight watchers thing I saw on the net. An orange, an apple and a cuppa for breakfast.

Got to work theres chocolate on the side. resisted that.

Had a tuna light lunch and 3 krisprolls followed by a banana and a yogurt for lunch.

Was discussing how motivated i feel about losing weight with colleague, feeling very proud of myself and I believed it.

Stopped to do some shopping on the way home, the supermarket is next to a macdonalds. I bought a big mac, drove half way home and pulled up in a layby to eat in secret. Who the fuck am i expecting to be bothered by this I have no idea. Who the fuck am I lying to other than myself. I am furious with myself, and deeply saddened. I was on my way home to make dinner FFS. I sat and ate with my family. Healthy eating garlic bread, home made pizza and a huge salad with bean shoots and fat free dressing.

Why have I started eating in secret? It's like i'm in rebellion with myself. Everytime I try to lose weight I seem to sabotage myself.

I am terrifed if I dont this under control then I am going to die at 50 from being a lardass leaving my beautfil DC motherless. Thier father smokes so they'll probably be fatherless too. They dont deserve such fuckwit parents. I am in tears as I type, I feel so powerless to battle this on my own. I simpy dont have the willpower.

Pacific Fri 07-Jan-11 10:22:29

I feel for you, I really do. I am not a prolific poster but your post really touched me. I don't know what advice to give other than to go along to your GP. However, I found that the NHS just gives fairly superficial and patronising advice.......your area may be different.

I am 50 in a couple of months. 2 years ago I was in your position. I had 8 stones to lose and had tried pills and potions and had gone to every slimming club available. They work for a while but eventually the constant hunger got to me and I would fall off the wagon. Usual story I suppose.

DH is a lot older than me and has type 2 diabetes and hypertension and smokes. He has his head firmly in the sand and has never done anything about his health. So it was up to me to make sure the children grew up with at least one parent.

I got a gastric band and 18 months later had lost 8 stone.

In my opinion, it is the only thing that works. I will happily answer any questions about it. I am not embarrassed and it is not a secret. It works. smile

FrozenChocolate Fri 07-Jan-11 10:34:22

How about trying to join some sort of weightwatchers-type group? Being surrounded by likeminded people who have probably done this sort of thing and can identify with it may help you understand it, and not be so harsh on yourself.

Rome was not built in a day, etc what if you had a burger? You had a fantastic breakfast, amazing lunch and a wonderful evening meal (except for the garlic bread <vomit emoticon>)

dotty2 Fri 07-Jan-11 10:34:44

You're not alone. I think most people self-sabotage and undermine their own efforts. I am 2 stone overweight (recently down from 3, so heading in the right direction) BUT wouldn't be overweight at all if I only ate the healthy food plus the odd treat I eat in public. It's the crisps and chocolate I eat in private that are the culprit for me.

It's only one Big Mac, it's not the end of the world. Pick yourself up and try again. Try and focus on the rest of the day that went really well. I'm trying to get myself motivated again, after a rubbish Christmas of giving in to every opportunity to eat cake.

On a more practical note, maybe you should try eating a little more for your main meals and planning a few healthyish snacks as well. I let myself have a 100cal snack in the afternoons - a small kitkat, a bag of snackajacks etc. It's harder to resist if you're absolutely starving.

It's brilliant that you're trying to get yourself healthier. You should be proud you're heading in the right direction, not feel so desolate about one mistake.

FrozenChocolate Fri 07-Jan-11 10:38:37

Yes, I agree with Dotty as in what I eat with the kids is great, then they go to bed and out come the matchmakers and maltesers.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and have a cup of tea.

WhereamI Fri 07-Jan-11 11:07:43

don't give yourself a hard time - it WAS one big mac only and you did fabulously well all day. I think it's a matter of getting back on the wagon that's all. You have not ate nearly as many calories as you would have done given your healthy eating earlier in the day. I would ditch the pizza and garlic bread though - even if it's home-made and 'healthy'. The fastest way to lose weight is to cut carbs and though it would come straight back on if you returned to the quantities previously ate, you do cut the craving - and so don't want as much in actual fact. It's a good way to kickstart yourself out of a rut and then whatever diet you end up on, not feeling so bloated feels so much better and you do more exercise as a result. Good luck!

weighheyhey Fri 07-Jan-11 11:08:42

Thankyou so much. I have stopped bawling my eyes out now.

I am thinking of going to my GP for counselling, and I am going to do slimming world as soon as i can afford the fees which will be next month.

going Fri 07-Jan-11 11:27:08

weighheyhey - definatley go and see your gp. I was in a similar situation.

I have been on and off diets foe as long as I can remember. A year ago I had 7 1/2 stones to lose. I lost a bit then put half of it back on and kept going up and down within that stone as I kept sabotaging myself. I asked my gp for help in September last year as I wanted to make my weight loss official. I asked if she would weigh me on a regular basis as I knew if I had to see her every few weeks it would keep me on track. She offered me Xenical which after a bit of research I decided to try. Since then I had steadily lost weight (except for two weeks over christmas when I took a break from them). I know have 3 stone 11 lbs to lose and hopefully will reach that by the summer. It's a long road but one worth taking. I also follow weight watchers which is very helpful to keep me in control of portion sizes.

Good luck!!!!

susall Fri 07-Jan-11 11:48:38

If you plan on seeing your Dr start keeping a food diary as this will help spot where you may be going wrong. Try food focus to log what you eat
It may be better to start out slowly and not go full on diet but maybe make some small changes to your diet and gradually introducing new ones, you have eaten this way for a long time and even small changes will be hard.
Watch carb intake and weigh them, I was doing Rosemery Conley spring last year and uncooked rice was 45g portion which was plenty but before that I was free pouring which was at least twice that amount.

iluvcake Fri 07-Jan-11 11:59:44

Hi weighheyhey,

I remember you from your previous post before Christmas about trying to lose weight. I'm sorry, I don't know how to link, but it's still there. I posted quite a long reply. Not sure if it will help as I think you definitely need extra help to get your head in the right place, IYKWIM.

I've only skim read the replies but would say counselling sounds like an excellent idea and your GP would be a good place to start. Trying to lose weight with will power alone is incredibly hard.

ReformedCharacter Fri 07-Jan-11 12:15:08

Oh dear, I know just how you feel.

I'm 6 stone overweight and I really want to do something about it. I can see the day coming where I'm heavier than DP (and he's a big man) and it hurts me. The more I fret the more shit I seem to eat though.

I have so many diet books in my flat and I've done SW and WW and others. I can't stick at any of them and I end up fatter through deprivation/binge cycles.

I know I need to change my lifestyle and stop using food as a reward. So very difficult though.

I'm a smoker as well as being overweight. I gave up for 6 months last year and gained 20 pounds. Stopping smoking is my priority as I know that if I were to lose weight and then give up, I'd only pile it all back on again.

I have considered going to my GP too, but hate the thought of discussing my weight with anyone.

FranSanDisco Fri 07-Jan-11 12:21:52

There was a programme on last night about weightloss/diets. I only caught part of it but it was dis-spelling some of the myths of dieting. For instance, it referred to research that demonstrated increased protein as breakfast staves off mid morning hunger pangs. It also showed how a chicken stew and rice when blended into a thick soup stayed in the stomach longer and that low fat dairy products actually help your body rid it self of fats. Fascinating stuff just wish I saw it all.

WhereamI Fri 07-Jan-11 12:39:57

I saw that. There are 10 tips. You can watch the programme on iplayer. As far as I can recall, the were:

1. soup your food - blend it with water
2. eat more protein (this was what helped me stay off the carbs - it really does work - it does stave off hunger pangs)
3. change your plate to a 10 inch instead of 12 "
4. milk, yoghurt, cheese bind the fat you do eat and they pass out of your system instead of accumulating as visceral (invisible) fat
5. Do more exercise, though apparently this can be running upstairs, getting off bus early to walk the extra stop, etc Tbh, I've never found this works for me but may for others.

Can't remember the others - I think there was one about if you exercise, you can even lose weight while you sleep as your metabolism has quickened up

HuwEdwards Fri 07-Jan-11 12:50:31

You sound desperately sad about this..I think you should get as much help as you can - don't let this dominate your life and make you unhappy. Go to the GP, ask what help you can be given.

FellatioNelson Fri 07-Jan-11 12:54:21

Forget all you think you know about weight loss. You are ditching all the wrong things. Eating bread and bananas will just make you hungrier, and going without all fat in your diet will mean that you never feel satiated no matter what portion sizes you eat.

You need a good low-carb, low-glycaemic index diet. I could go on about this all day, but all the information is out there in abundance, so I won't list it all here.

Make a start in understanding what you need to do and how you arrived at where you are now by reading:

Leslie Kenton
Gary Taubes
Robert Atkins

They are the most well-known, well established ones, but there are dozens. Don't get sucked into one of these meal plan schemes with mentors and very expensive pre-packaged meals - they are just the basic low carb ethos dressed up as something new and special, but they are expensive and gimmicky. It's very easy and flexible to do this yourself by making your own food.

It requires commitment and blind faith at first, but I PROMISE you, once the weight starts to go, (and it will) and you get that lightbulb over your head moment, and you feel happier and more energetic than you have in years, you will be so glad you tried.

FellatioNelson Fri 07-Jan-11 12:58:24

Also, many GPs are very pro-low carb diets now, but some are still not. They will most likely send you to the NHS nutrionist, which for most intelligent fat women is a waste of time. There is little you can tell a miserble fat woman about 'healthy eating' that she doesn't already know.

Pay for some private therapy instead. A mix of hypnotherapy and neuro-linguistic programming. It's quite expensive but just 6 sessions or so can really help in breaking destructive patterns.

Amber789 Fri 07-Jan-11 12:58:56

Don't be too hard on yourself! Food, especially fast food is an addiction just as much as nicotine. It's not easy to change habits overnight. I have tried Slimming World and Weight watchers, Atkins etc in the past. They all worked, but I put the weight back on afterwards and couldn't believe I'd been so weak. One person that explainsit very well is Zoe Harcombe (I've seen the Harcombe diet mentioned on these threads). It's hardcore for the first 5 days but is designed to beat the addiction. But diets have to appeal to you and when I went to slimming clubs it really did help to motivate me....problem is, I stopped going.
Still, the fact that you have recognised that you have a problem and have taken steps to do something about it is something to be proud of. Even with the McD's you probably still ate better than before you'd made your decision!
Is there anyone at your doctor's that you can see for advice on stopping smoking? Then maybe if you feel comfortable you could mention the weight (as in, "I don't want to put any more weight on. In fact I want to lose some. Can you give me any advice?")
Sorry, I know my reply is long, but please don't feel sad! You have taken a really important step, a little stumble won't derail you

FellatioNelson Fri 07-Jan-11 13:07:14

Actually, I've read the rest of the thread now, and honestly, whilst I believe that low-carbing can help very overweight people, (in a way that so-called 'healthy eating' never could) if I was 8 stone overweight I would go the gastic band route, like Pacific. But if this is not an option for you financially, then give low-carbing a really good try. The first three or four days will be tough so you could try taking some herbal appetite suppressants for a few days beforehand, and during the firt week just to help you over the initial hump (Thermoslimmer are good - available online) and once you have gone cold turkey on the carbs you can stop taking them, and just control your hunger and cravings naturally through staying off any foods that cause your blood sugar to spike.

SilverSparkle Fri 07-Jan-11 13:32:53

Hi Weighheyhey, About 10 years ago I used to be approx 4 stone overweight. I can remember looking at photos that had been taken at xmas/new year and being shocked at just how big i looked. I decided to do something about it.

I couldn't afford to join a slimming club so i decided to count my calories. All i did was, i brought a calorie counting book, cooked most things from scratch so i could weigh and work out how many calories were in my final meal.

I know this sounds long winded and complicated but trust me, once you get the hang of weighing and writing down how many calories is in food its gets easier and you automatically do it.

By writing it down you also keep track of just how many calories you consume. You also wouldn't need to cut out any foods, but it allows you to eat in moderation and if anything you would eat more fruit and veg as you would try and make the most of your calorie allowance for that day.

I lost the 4 stone in a few months and this was without exercise. It really worked for me and i have kept it off for 10 years while also having my DC in that time.

Goodluck x

Amber789 Fri 07-Jan-11 13:40:03

Oh sorry Weighheyhey, I've just realised I mixed your post up with ReformedCharacter's. blush What FellatioNelson is saying agrees with the diet I mentioned. When I did it, I remember one day I had a really busy morning and before I knew it, it was 2pm and I hadn't eaten since 7, whereas before I would have been snacking from 10 and having lunch at 2! Once you've got rid of the carb addiction, you can start eating small (at first) amounts of whole grains, such as brown rice so it doesn't mean you can never have them again.

Topspin Sat 08-Jan-11 17:24:19

Hi. One of the great things about low carbing is that it does keep you full and once you're past the first few days you really don't feel as hungry. I've also sometimes got to mid-afternoon before wanting to eat.

Gary Taubes' latest book - Why we get fat and what to do about it - is worth a look.

I've always used in conjunction with low carb as it helps to keep track of everything you eat.

Drinking lots of water helps, too - I drink a couple of litres a day and keep a 50cl bottle with me so I can have some whenever I want. Apparently, feelings of 'hunger' are often actually thirst. Whether that's true or not, it helps me psychologically to have something on hand to sip at!

I agree with other posters that the McDonald's is just a blip. It doesn't change the fact that you've made an important decision.

Good luck - you can do it!

Topspin Sat 08-Jan-11 17:25:49

I should have said I only get to mid-afternoon before wanting to eat having had breakfast in the morning. My breakfasts are BIG!

SugarMousePink Sat 08-Jan-11 17:40:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny Sat 08-Jan-11 17:42:59

You're definitely not alone, I've done this sort of thing too (haven't been very overweight but have had binge-eating problems). Maybe it's partly a fear of failure, or fear of how hard it's going to be so you sabotage yourself? For me it was actually quite frightening (sounds silly I know, but true) to think of going without my comforting foods, the thought of eating 'normally' long-term was overwhelming and I was scared to properly try.

But this does happen at some point to most people trying to gain control over their eating - what's done is done, so put it behind you and move on. It's just a little wobble, not some big disaster.

Also don't try to overdo it and eat too little, I'd be starving if I'd eaten the breakfast you describe, then only a fairly light lunch! I always have a snack mid-morning and mid-afternoon, so I'm never getting desperately hungry, and it seems to work for me. I never did the low-carb thing (love my bread and pasta too much!) but I know lots of people find it works very well, and it's especially good if there's any question of diabetes or blood-sugar issues.

Menagerie Sat 08-Jan-11 18:01:07

Weighheyhey, that's such a moving post. We all self sabotage - you just got in there nice and early with it grin. Seriously, though, when I read your post I couldn't help thinking the secret eating/immediate sabotage has an emotional basis. For that (I'll get shot down) the last thing you need is a diet. truly. Don't diet. read Paul McKenna as if you read it through once or twice it gets rid of all guilt. On PMcK you can eat that Big mac, no guilt, and still lose weight. if you stick to what he says, the weight dissolves, even though you're drinking beer and eating chips. (Though quite soon your body starts craving the healthy stuff.

And - don't be put off by the title - read Fat is a Feminist Issue. It's all about the reasons why we eat too much, eat in secret and is really revealing about the reasons we choose to stay big (to be more visible in the world if we feel we don't take up space in others ways,; to comfort ourselves if we haven't learned to accept comfort form healthy sources, or it hasn't been forthcoming in our lives; to keep ourselves sexually unattractive so we stay faithful to our partners, or ward off partners because of previous bad experiences regarding sex) etc.

It's quite hard hitting but it opens your eyes. None of us is massive for no reason. Maybe the roots are in very unhealthy eating patterns in family childhood home but whatever food was used to demonstrate (in ours it was used to demonstrate stability and love where it was in short supply everywhere except at meal table) it's time to replace that extra food with what it represented that we lack. (So if it was love, you make sure love is shown in others ways than through food. If it's comfort, you find other ways to comfort yourself. If it's to be visible you learn to be assertive etc, so you don't need extra pounds to feel substantial.

Paul McKenna is a very gentle and easy way to lose weight and also, more importantly, to have a lasting healthy attitude to all food. No banished food, no guilty moments. His really is the sanest attitude I've ever come across and it breaks you straight out of the feasting/fasting/denial cycle that teaches you in order to look normal you have to have an obsessive punitive relationship with food.

Last thing you need is to feel guilty. You want to be healthy. Being there for your kids is a very strong motivation. the last thing you need is to be harsh with yourself about a little slip. Maybe try all round healthiness, instead of a diet. Plenty of healthy food, whenever you want it. Plenty of family exercise. See these things as treats not punishments. And if you want a Big Mac, eat it, enjoy it and eat less tea if you're not so hungry as a result (that's what paul McK would say. Since starting him, I've discovered I don't want breakfast. All diets say have a good breakfast but I don't want anything until midday, and feel fine on it, so why eat? Bit by bit I'm learning to trust my body's hunger signals, which is way better for me, and may be for you, than telling it what to eat and when and getting full of self loathing if it craves something 'forbidden'.

Our NY resolution is to get fitter as a family , because all except one of my sons are overweight. Already they are enjoying being outdoors and playing together more.

Sorry for the essay. Didn't mean it to come out that way. Two people very dear to me are your weight - my sister and my best friend from childhood. I know the emotional reasons why they are, and what Susie Orbach and Paul McK say about emotional eating makes so much sense. Be nice to yourself. Find a way that works for you, and if you go off track, remember, so does everyone. iOccasionally going off track - even at the beginning, isn't bad, so long as you are on track most of the time.

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