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Did you get married after having dc's? How did you cope?

(19 Posts)
blondissimo Wed 05-Aug-09 09:36:14

I am worrying about what I will do with 13 month old ds on the day, who will take him the night before (he is baaaad sleeper and I don't want to be walking down the aisle with matchsticks propping eyelids open!), will he get bored, what about naps, the evening reception, toys, transport, car seats - I suppose I need to sit down and think logically but I have 3.5 weeks to go and my mum keeps saying "don't worry about it", but I am!
Just looking for ideas of what others have donesmile.

Sunshinemummy Wed 05-Aug-09 09:54:03

Friend got married when her daughter was about 6 months old. She hired a nanny for the day to look after DD. The nanny came to the wedding then had DD for the rest of the day/night at MIL house (this is where reception was). Friend collected DD the next morning.

We're getting married in 3 weeks and will have 3 year old DS and 1 year old DD there. We're getting married in New York so DS and DD will be with us the night before. The next day we're intending for DP to take DS out while DD and I get ready. Our wedding itself is in a registry office so not planning on being there that long but we do have to queue so you never know. Hoping the other guests (there's 6 of them) will help manage that one.

We're having the reception at Soho House so drinks on the roof first - there's a pool so we'll have to be really vigilant (again hoping guests can help) - then we have a private room for dinner so kids can hopefully roam around a little. Am taking pram and hoping that DD will sleep after a while (although she's not as good at this as DS used to be so we'll see). DS is pretty good at fitting in with people but may take some books for him to look at later. Chances are he'll probably end up playing Ben 10 with someone grin

JumpingJellyfish Wed 05-Aug-09 10:08:01

I got married with DS aged 3 and DD 11 months. My DD was also a bad sleeper, but she wouldn't settle elsewhere so just had to put up with lack of sleep and used lots of concealer expertly applied by my sister to disguise the shadows under my eyes!

We had lots of family staying in holiday chalets nearby, as at 9am DH carted off DS there, and they both got ready with all the male side of the family over there, while my bridesmaids came over and helped me with DD while I got dressed etc,- we managed to get DD to nap at 11.30 after a good snack so that I had an hour to finish getting ready in peace. Then we woke DD, quickly gave her some nosh, got her chnaged, and then headed off for the ceremony which was at 1.

My DCs were kept very much involved- I carried DD and my flowers down the aisle, and DH & DS were waiting for us. The DCs stayed with us during the short (civil) ceremony as wouldn't have settled really with anyone else, especially is such a strange situation! I love the fact they were there with us while we took our vows- both were very quiet and good- I think just stunned by what was going on. After the formal bit, we'd arranged some snacks for everyone at the same venue, it was pretty informal and lots of kids were there, so they ran about munching shortbread and crisps for an hour or so while we had photos taken etc.

Then we drove to the reception, and DD fell asleep in car- we had friends take turns keeping an eye on her in the car for about 40 mins so she had some decent sleep before the fun of the afternoon/evening. Had the meal, then I took both DCs home with my best friend and her DD, got them settled into bed, changed myself and reappeared at the reception at 9pm! Had a babysitter look after the DCs once they were asleep, and then my MIL was staying at ours, while we stayed in a hotel, later that night. I was then able to let my hair down!

This was all made possible by lots of help and having our wedding very near home, but I'm sure you'll find a way of fitting DD into the days events. Oh and we set up a corner of the reception room as a kids area, with a few toys, DVD player, cushions etc., so that they could be entertained a bit early in the evening. Our was a very child-friendly wedding as we had to make it that way, and informal too, but I'm sure you'll find it will all work out fine!

Enjoy your big day!

blondissimo Wed 05-Aug-09 10:11:10

Thanks sunshinemummy - your wedding sounds lovely smile. We are having a "big" wedding, which I initially wanted way back when we got engaged pre ds, but he was a mistake surprisegrin, and we had to reschedule same wedding for this year. DP and I will be at separate places the night before, and then we have one venue for the ceremony, and then we are being transported to another place for the reception. There are about 80 guests, some going by coach, some by car, taxi etc. I feel like I want to know where ds is at all times, and not be having to look for who has him at that time.
I had thought about hiring a nanny - do you know how much they would charge for the day?

JumpingJellyfish Wed 05-Aug-09 10:13:11

blush at all my typos, sorry!

The main thing I'd recommend is lots of child-friendly snacks on hand to keep them topped up throughout the day, and an opportunity for your DS to nap sometime- either in a car if driving between venues, or in a pushchair that some kind family member/guest might be prepared to push around outside for a while. Oh and bubbles- we supplied lots of these, and crayons and paper, for all the kids at ours, and kept them entertained for ages!

notsoteenagemum Wed 05-Aug-09 10:21:42

My dc were much older when I got married, 3 and 7, Dh took 3yo ds the night before to his parents house and dd stayed with me because she was a bridesmaid.
We got married in a hotel, and we paid for my sister and her boyfriend to have a family room so dc could sleep with them.
We took activities for them to play with in the evening.
My mum put them to bed during the evening reception and everyone took turns checking on them. The best man carried a baby monitor receiver so he could listen out for them too.
If I were you I would arrange for someone to look after him the day after, you will be knackered and possibly hung over! We didn't go on Honeymoon until a month later but my pil took the children the day after so we could relax.
The only downside for me were that ds hated his dad and I having all the attention and refused to go in any of the photos, I only have one stealth shot and one where he is pulling a face.

blondissimo Wed 05-Aug-09 11:27:16

Thanks all - my mum and stepdad have kindly offered to go home at about 8pm with ds so that we can enjoy the reception and be child free for the night which is great, but I do feel awkward about her sacrificing that part of the wedding. She says she doesn't mind though so we have said we will take her up on the offer. A couple of friends have offered to take him in the day but I think i'd prefer if he was with one person/couple. He isn't used to being with other people and has never stayed overnight with anyone else. But I really would like to get a good night's sleep the night before the wedding!!!

Sunshinemummy Wed 05-Aug-09 11:47:46

Hi Blondissimo - the nanny my friend used cost her about £100 (this is about 4 years ago) and was found through her MIL - she lived close to the wedding venue.

blondissimo Wed 05-Aug-09 17:12:48

Thank you - I will need to look into itsmile.

geordieminx Wed 05-Aug-09 21:13:07

If he goes to a nursery/playgroup could you ask one of the staff from there?

KristinaM Wed 05-Aug-09 21:17:23

we hired a member of staff from teh nursrey, but she just came for the meal & reception. OUr DD sat with family members during the service and then came home with us at teh end of the night.

we had 3 children so planned the wedding around their needs

blondissimo Thu 06-Aug-09 08:53:36

He doesn't go to nursery yet and we are getting married hundreds of miles away in Scotland so unfortunately that's not an option.
I think the problem is that we planned a certain type of wedding when we didn't have ds, and due to deposits etc being paid it has been difficult to rearrange things around having him.
I am sure it will all work out but I think with such a short time to go I am just stressing out a bit!!

KristinaM Thu 06-Aug-09 10:53:41

its only natural to be stressed, if its a big wedding miles from home and you have been planning it for years! of course you just want it all to run smoothly, so everyone can enjoy the big day

if you are far from home then i think you have no option but to enlist the help of close friends/family who he knows well.by the evening reception he will be asleep in his buggy anyway smile

hope you have a lovely day

geordieminx Thu 06-Aug-09 12:50:43

Whereabouts in scotland if you dont mind me askibg?

blondissimo Thu 06-Aug-09 16:15:11

Thanks KristinaM.
geordieminx - it is in Central Scotland - near Stirling smile.

geordieminx Thu 06-Aug-09 19:21:30

There are a few MN'ers around that way that may be able to suggest nannies if you deceide to go down that route. I know 1, but she's just outside Glasgow - she's lovely though and might be able to help out?

blondissimo Thu 06-Aug-09 19:25:45

Aw thanks that's really sweet. I shall start a new thread about the nannies then. Which side of Glasgow? If it's towards the east then it might not be too far for her.

geordieminx Thu 06-Aug-09 19:29:29

Yup actually, east, Lanarkshire really.

Her email is hamilton@babysensory.co.uk

She is a nanny, and also does baby sensory classes. She's lovely, and if she cant help she might know someone who can.

Website is here

spiralqueen Tue 18-Aug-09 23:20:41

I had 9mth DD with me the night before so didn't get much sleep, but that was no different to any other night so I wasn't really bothered (and the veil helped grin).

On the day she was with the inlaws, although she started wailing when she arrived at the hotel and the owner kindly gave her a guided tour of the hotel during the ceremony.

It worked fine for us, hope you have a wonderful day.

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