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Help - Don't know what to do about Wedding

(10 Posts)
TrixIrl Fri 18-Dec-20 22:06:37

Firstly I know that there are bigger and more important things in the world today but I would just love some impartial advice please!

Got engaged in 2017, due to be married in 2019. Got pregnant with an absolute miracle baby after years of infertility and so postponed wedding to June 2020 (abroad). Obvo Covid got in the way and we post poned again to July 2021. I have been very accepting about this and feel it'll happen when its right...even though we had planned to try for a honeymoon baby and if all had gone well I would be married and pregnant with #2 by now.

I got excited when the vaccine was announced and felt confident the wedding would go ahead but now it looks like it could be midsummer before the non-at-risk will be vaccinated (which I utterly agree with us being last in line!!).

So now I don't know whether to re-postpone or look to plan a wedding at home (as air travel will obvo be the riskiest). Planning at home means losing almost 10k in deposits and our dream wedding (as we'll essentially be paying twice and we certainly wont have the weather or purchasing power)...but almost means a higher chance of actually getting married and also having multiple close friends with us who wouldnt feel safe travelling or will have very young babies thanks to the lockdown baby boom.

Im totally conflicted and properly feeling sad about it all for the first time. I was redeployed to the frontline during the inital wave and my wedding day passed in a blur of work so maybe its just catching up with me now.

Im getting on a bit age-wise so I wouldnt be happy postponing much further into the future as want to start trying for baby no. 2 (nor do I fancy being a pregnant bride).

Someone please talk sense to me;, my friends, fiance and family only want to placate me and I need some objective advice!

Thank you all xx

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TrixIrl Fri 18-Dec-20 22:09:12

Gah lack of paragraphs, sorry!

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ReeseWitherfork Fri 18-Dec-20 22:10:46

Oh what a crappy situation! Apart from the miracle baby, that's lovely. What does your head and your heart tell you to do?

HopeAndDriftWood Fri 18-Dec-20 22:15:24

I’d get married at home. I did get married at home instead this year... quickly arranged, not at all what we’d planned, but lovely and I am SO glad we did it. And it meant the world to have our close people there...

I was really torn over it but it was hands down the best decision for us, even though I really, really wanted to get married abroad somewhere that meant a lot to us both, and we lost a lot of money.

The memories of friends and family, the photos and the fun moments just add to how lovely it was to actually marry my husband, and the end of all the postponement stress was lovely too!

Listen to your head and your heart, but I don’t regret what I did at all. Like you, we didn’t want to keep putting it off and putting it off, and we’re hoping to convince soon.

Congratulations on the miracle baby, too, and good luck for number two! flowers

Frankiefrank Fri 18-Dec-20 22:16:33

I definitely wouldn’t book a wedding abroad for next summer. It’s likely that there might still be lockdowns or other problems with travelling. And will all your guests want to travel abroad next summer? With all the risks, difficulty to get insurance, wearing masks on the flight etc. Also have any of your guests had a reduced income this year?

I’d go ahead and book a wedding close to home for July. Hopefully you can get refundable deposits in case of any cancellation, or maybe it’ll be good to book a venue which has flexible room sizes so you can increase or decrease guest numbers nearer the time. Definitely go ahead with your wedding anyway!

TrixIrl Fri 18-Dec-20 22:24:44

My heart wants to go abroad and have this amazing holiday and wedding with everyone.

My head says home is the only reasonable option but it also means walking away from the deposits in Malta which would be big financial pressure.

The one thing I'm really concerned about is that we encouraged people to move their flights to 2021 rather than take refunds (I have no idea how many did that) so if we pull the plug on Malta, people would be out of pocket. I'd feel incredibly guilty about that.

A big part of the reason I wanted to get married abroad is that I wanted to do something different (and also limit numbers, my fiance is from a huge family) and also it got me some distance from my own family who can be problematic.

Thank you thank you for your thoughts everyone, I feel like I can't talk about this here as I'm a bit emotional and kinda want to make a decision and stick to it if you know what I mean. My fiance is still in love on Malta but is looking to me for a decision. As I work for the health service he sees me as having the last day if you know what I mean!

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ReeseWitherfork Fri 18-Dec-20 22:25:54

Can you asks your guests what they'd prefer? This is a big decision for all involved.

TrixIrl Fri 18-Dec-20 22:42:31

You see id love to ask them but then if it's split (as i think it would be from guesstimates) I'd be going ahead with something 50% have blatantly said they don't want.

I almost feel like it's a too many cooks problem whereas if I present a decision as a fait accompli well then I haven't deliberately gone against anyone.

(Can you tell I'm a people pleaser?)blush

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hennersley Fri 18-Dec-20 22:43:06

I think you should stick with getting married in Malta. Especially if you encouraged your guests to postpone. It's a lot of money for you all to lose and I'm hopeful that you will be able to travel by July. At least if the airline was to cancel you would get your money back through insurance?

StanfordPines Fri 18-Dec-20 22:49:42

Could you do the actual getting married bit at home and then go to Malta still and have a bit of a celebration there with those who transferred their flights.

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