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Weddings

Plus one etiquette?

33 replies

wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:06

We are only having a small wedding. Trying to sort out the guest list. We are wondering what is the etiquette for plus ones? As in, do we give everyone the option, or only ones we know as a couple? None at all? I just wondered what the ‘done’ thing was and what people who have also had small weddings did. Thanks.

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misspiggy19 · 13/11/2019 17:07

None at all. You are having a small wedding. Why would you then want some random at it?

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chipsychopsy · 13/11/2019 17:14

Most of our guests were closely acquainted with at least one other guest who was also invited alone, and were sat together for the meal. So groups of friends, colleagues or people from my hobby who all knew each other. Outside of that we invited couples where we knew both parties, or a plus one where the guest wouldn't be closely acquainted with anyone else at the wedding.

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wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:15

@misspiggy19 This is it. we have family members who have been married for years so we know them both, and would want them both there. The same goes for a few unmarried couples. We just are not sure what to do about the ones we haven’t met or are in relatively new couples. It’s trying to work out where to draw the line and avoid putting anyone out.

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PurpleDaisies · 13/11/2019 17:16

We didn’t give random plus ones. We just invited spouses or established partners.

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Loopytiles · 13/11/2019 17:17

How small is small?

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lookatthebabypenguin · 13/11/2019 17:18

It’s trying to work out where to draw the line and avoid putting anyone out.

So don't do "plus ones" do specific invites to named individuals you want there, some of whom happen to be married to or in relationships with each other.

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wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:18

@chipsychopsy That crossed my mind in one case, as I have one friend who I have known since school and she invited me and my fiancé to her wedding, so I want to invite her. But she only knows my parents, myself and my uncle who won’t be on her table, therefore I’m inviting her husband as I wouldn’t want her to feel like a spare part even though we don’t know her husband too well.

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Loopytiles · 13/11/2019 17:18

If your chosen guests will know barely anyone it’d be considerate to invite their partner/person they’re dating, if budget/space allows.

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wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:19

@lookatthebabypenguin Do you mean don’t send invites with just ‘plus one’ on it to anyone unless we know them both?

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OrangeZog · 13/11/2019 17:20

If I’d been friends with someone since school and she was married, I wouldn’t consider her husband to be a plus one.

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PurpleDaisies · 13/11/2019 17:20

If people are married, it really odd not to invite their spouse, even if you haven’t met them (unless they’re coming as part of a group of friends where no spouse is invited).

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wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:20

@Loopytiles that’s what I am doing in the case of my old friend who I have known since I was 3. She would be on a table and not know anyone so her husband will be getting an invite for that reason.

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wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:22

What is a plus one classed as? Someone that you don’t know? What about close family members ie siblings, cousins?, would you give them a plus one regardless?

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Loopytiles · 13/11/2019 17:23

It’d be pretty rude not to invite your siblings’ dating partners IMO

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Loopytiles · 13/11/2019 17:24

Unless, for example, the wedding party is ten people.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/11/2019 17:24

We're not doing plus ones. Nobody has one. We've invited people that we know both of, as named people (so Jane and Peter; for example), and we've invited spouses of family members but again using their names.

We can't afford to give everyone a plus one, really, and it makes the wedding massive which I didn't want. Nobody has questioned it at all, so everyone seems happy enough...

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Lulualla · 13/11/2019 17:25

You give a plus one to people if you're happy for them to bring a random. But to the married couples you know, and the married family members, you send the invitation naming them both. You don't just pick one of the couple and say "plus one".

Just name the people you want. If you don't want the other half, done name them or give a plus one.

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PurpleDaisies · 13/11/2019 17:25

Are you really, really tight on numbers? If you invited all the spouses and established partners you don’t know well, how much of a difference would it make? I would just personally speak to anyone who might be there in their own and ask them whether that’s ok.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/11/2019 17:28

(I should say that we have no siblings so didn't have to deal with that; but probably would have named their partner if they had one!

Most of our close friends are couples that we socialise with often, so we know their partners well. )

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wantthismummy · 13/11/2019 17:45

Yes, numbers are very tight unfortunately. It is what we wanted but it is harder than we imagined. My 18 year old half sister (as many of us did at 18) tends to have casual, short relationships so I don’t know whether to ask her who she wants to invite, or just give her a plus one. But then my cousin’s partner we haven’t met and she said she is cool about not having him come along so is that unfair on her. It’s tough!

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Brideof2020 · 15/11/2019 19:55

@wantthismummy how far away is your wedding? With regards to your sister and cousin, I think i would be inclined to invite your cousins partner if they are in a serious relationship. As for your sister depending on when the wedding is, how far in advance you are sending invites out I think I would just play it by ear for now and see if she is in a relationship nearer the time. It wouldn't really be fair to your cousin if her long term partner isn't invited and is part of your extended family, yet your sister turns up with a partner she's known for a week.

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chipsychopsy · 15/11/2019 23:24

An example would be a married colleague, you don't know his wife, so invite him alone. But there are also a number of other colleagues invited too, all of them invited alone. All of them placed together at the meal.

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chipsychopsy · 15/11/2019 23:26

One thing I've learned is that there will always be someone who will be irritated by the way you've chosen to arrange your guest list. You can't and shouldn't please everyone. Just invite who you want there and make sure everyone going has someone they know that they can chat to through the dinner.

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Loopytiles · 16/11/2019 13:58

Presumably your sister will know others at the wedding?

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Drum2018 · 16/11/2019 14:05

I would think a plus one is inviting someone to keep a single person company and I wouldn't do that. If a guest has a spouse then I would automatically invite the spouse and word it Jane and Michael, as opposed to a jane and plus one. If a friend is in an established relationship I would invite their partner. If a friend/family member was casually dating I would not invite a plus one. They'd probably end up bringing someone even they didn't know well.