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Wedding abroad

(16 Posts)
prettypea93 Thu 04-Jul-19 21:32:27

Is it acceptable for someone to plan a wedding abroad and expect us to attend?

Like there is 5 of us so if we were to go we'd be paying over the odds i looked it up in the actual hotel its nearly 7000-8000£ 1 week all inclusive for us all

We looked at nearby cheaper hotels even a 2star hotel and its still £4000

We've said we wont be going unless we have some major life changes ( better jobs/pay rise etc ) and everyones saying well its x amount of time away and we should attend and kind of quilt tripping us but to be able to afford either of those wed have to put least £100-£150 away a month from now just to pay hotel off never mind accounting for expenses of it.

We know our limitations and its just not practical.

HappyDinosaur Thu 04-Jul-19 21:40:27

I'm with you, of you choose to get married abroad you are accepting that some people won't be able to or even sometimes want attend. You either suck it up and have an evening do back home for those that can't, or you pay for everyone. In your position I wouldn't go and I really wouldn't be feeling bad about, they should be feeling bad for making you feel guilty.

SheWoreBlueVelvet Thu 04-Jul-19 22:23:56

Honestly I don’t think couples planning destination weddings will expect everyone to attend. It’s the first consideration of planning.
I think they send invitations so that everyone they feel should get an invite feels included....not sure they actually think everyone will say yes though.
Say no.
The destination part means more than having people there obviously. Said as someone who had a wedding abroad.

European12345 Thu 04-Jul-19 22:26:49

It’s nice of the b&g to pay for you all cuz they are paying aren’t they ?
Jokes aside if they don’t want to spend that amount on you why would you want to spend that amount on them ? It’s the risk they take

prettypea93 Thu 04-Jul-19 23:38:44

Its a close relative we have been told as one of the first as as they put it " we are expected there" and when we said oh no that probably wont happen other family members have been quilt tripping us about it since

Tigger001 Thu 04-Jul-19 23:43:56

Dont allow them to guilt trip you. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Next time they do try, just say " I would love for our family to share the wedding with xxxx but we simply caht afford it, but if you're offering????.... " no didn't think so!!! ( dont add that last bit )

EB100 Thu 04-Jul-19 23:49:54

If you really want people there, you would marry locally. I would just apologise and decline, and still send them a card and a gift. Do it well in advance so they have time to invite someone else. When marrying abroad, it is to be expected that not everyone can afford it. You really don't want to end up paying off a 'vacation' that was not your choice for the next 5 years.

prettypea93 Thu 04-Jul-19 23:54:28

We've said we aren't going already and theyve not even formally invited us yet just was told what the plan was around christmas - they want the kids to be in the wedding party but as i said no way we can afford-

Its a close family so everyone else is making it their mission to go but we physically cant do it, and i don't feel guilty i think whats annoying me most is they are trying to guilt trip us which my hubby doesn't have the best back bone when it comes to them but luckily at current he's still saying same...

They even mentioned just him and our bio child going and me and his step children stay home to save costs!

BackforGood Fri 05-Jul-19 00:21:57

It is perfectly acceptable to say 'No'.
If a couple want everyone to attend, then they would plan a wedding that everyone can get to without barriers such as enormous expense.
Don't engage in details (if someone offers a bit towards, or if someone knows someone who can get cheaper accommodation, etc.) as you will still be shelling out ££££s you can't afford, as a family.
It is a shame, but that is the choice of the B&G and you have nothing to feel guilt about.

thebestbe Fri 05-Jul-19 09:38:45

I think it's really selfish when people plan a destination wedding and expect people to attend. You're essentially forcing people to take a very expensive holiday to a destination they probably don't care about.

Don't let them guilt trip you. If they wanted you there that badly, they'd have got married locally, or would pay for you to attend.

crustycrab Fri 05-Jul-19 09:45:51

If you'd have to put £100 a month away to raise 4,000 then is the wedding 3.5 years away?

Who sends invites out that early? Wouldn't worry, anything could happen between now and then and flights won't be released until around a year before so it's pointless trying to plan anything now anyway.

Just tell them you'll see what position you're in in a couple of years time. No point falling out about it now, you might win the lottery grin

prettypea93 Fri 05-Jul-19 10:42:11

Tbh even if i did win lottery after all agro id rather not go lol!

No its closer than that about 18 months so that a month then cough up the bulk at the last payment date was what i meant by affording it ( wed be going with the low(er) budget on as no way will i cough up that 8k to go to the actual hotel)

They didn't send invites but told us basically must attend as its close family.

As others have said its not somewhere id probably even go on holiday so not really interested i just felt it rude when we said maybe cant afford we started getting crap off other family members with stuff like they attended yours

I literally replied ours was £10 taxi away not couple hundred🤣

crustycrab Fri 05-Jul-19 10:48:28

Ah fair enough. Just say no you can't afford it. And for those prices for a week it must be pretty far flung. Is it Mexico?

I wouldn't stay in a 2 star hotel in Mexico for anyone

Ilikewinter Fri 05-Jul-19 10:50:53

No dont go. I had to go to a close family members wedding last year, luckily as i was part of the wedding party they paid for me n dh to go but we had already booked a big 3 week holiday so both had to take the week unpaid from work...plus we had to have the usual spending money for the week...hotel was only b&b....my dh wasnt happy about going, so even with them paying for the hotel and flights it still cost us a lot of money .

Stand your ground op!

SheWoreBlueVelvet Fri 05-Jul-19 16:58:08

With mine it wasn’t the cost to my sibling but the fact it would be incredibly difficult to get a whole weekend off. Quite prepared for a decline.

Of course you don’t have to go. I would make it very clear you have no intention of spending time, money and logistics on this.

You will be happy to Skype on the day and see them off at the airport ( could you offer to drive them to the airport just so they passive aggressively understand it’s all the other expenses ) and toast them before they leave. Don’t feel bad. It’s their big day not yours.
And as people have said if having guests there were that important they’d have picked a more suitable destination.

candycane222 Fri 05-Jul-19 17:04:32

You can't order other people to spend thousands of pounds - on anything. They should listen to themselves. Ridiculous!

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